The Bachelorette Episode 6: A History Lesson

Do you have a favorite beach?  I do.  It's Makena Beach in Maui.  Here's a recommendation: when you aren't at your favorite beach, just turn on all of the YouTube videos of your favorite beach.  That's what I've been doing for the last 1/2 hour.  I think the same concept applies to Neil Lane.  Do you miss him?  I do.  When you're missing Neil Lane, just watch his commercials on repeat.  These two recommendations can improve your life.  What I am about to write, with the power of whiskey and ice cream, cannot.

Neil loves to body surf (like me).

To the show!  The episode began in Richmond, Virginia.  They had to show it on a map (thanks Fleiss and Co.)  According to Becca, it's "different from Vegas."  It's definitely different because I don't know anyone that's ever been to Richmond.   

Super Eagle Lincoln and Stitches Chris got in an early-episode argument about how much they lift, or something along those lines.  I asked Mrs. Wags for an assist.  "What are they arguing about?"  Mrs Wags replied, "What show is this?"  

Solo Date: Sr. Banker Jason

So this dude has no chance of winning.  He's way too normal.  He's this season's guy-she-could-get-in-real-life.  They never win, but they always make it pretty far.  (Spoiler: Becca actually said later in the date that his friends remind her of people from "home.")

The theme of the date was "wandering around Richmond."  This might be helpful because I don't know anything about Richmond.  

They went to a cemetery where "Edgar Allan Poe's mother is buried."  No offense to Mrs. Poe, but this factoid is not causing me to book my next family trip to Richmond.  

Mrs. Poe kind of looks like Becca

Becca surprised the Sr. Banker by flying out a few of his friends to meet them at a bar.  These guys all appeared to be the Jr. Bankers from his firm.

Good to see you Jason

In the evening portion of the date, they both shared tragic stories about losing immediate family members, but all I could focus on was the two olive dirty martini on the table.  That could be the first time I've ever envied a drink featured on the Bachelorette.  

Sr. Banker got the date rose.  Now that Venmo John is gone, this guy may be my favorite (Leo the Lion is #2).

Group Date: QB5 Colton, Favorite Garrett, Potter Wills, Coach Connor, Like Blake, Super Eagle Lincoln, and Stitches Chris

The guys all showed up to the date in suits for their visit to the capitol building of Virginia to learn about "history."  They encountered Washington and Lincoln impersonators.  The impersonators informed the contestants that they were the 1st and 16th Presidents, respectively.  ....And that wrapped up the entire history lesson.  Armed with that history lesson, I may have been able to get a 5 on my AP US History exam.  

The men had a debate on the capitol steps to make speeches in support of their candidacy for Becca's heart.  In a great surprise appearance, Virginia Governor Ralph Northam asked the guys what they would do in Virginia.  Governor Northam must have regretted his appearance when Stitches started accusing the guys, especially Super Eagle, of being fake and body shaming him for weighing 300 pounds as a kid.  

Can you believe these guys?

Stitches keeps saying he's been real, but how are we supposed to believe a bald denier is being "real?"

Becca, upset from her conversation with Stitches, had to cut short her conversation with Favorite Garrett.  Garrett, angry about this asinine situation, complained that he was "ready to open up tonight."   This show is insane.

Potter Wills said he's falling in love with Becca.  This guy has about as much of a chance to win this show as Daniel Radcliffe would.

QB5 got the rose.  

Solo Date: Leo the Lion (YES YES YES YES!)

When the date card arrived, Sr. Banker was the only other guy in the house.  Of course, Fleiss and Co. have made rules dictating that one guy must read the date card to the other guy(s).  I thoroughly enjoyed Sr. Banker reading the date card to Leo the Lion.  Very romantic and very weird.

Becca started the date telling the Lion she is emotionally drained.  Leo the Lion, with the composure of a stuntman, told Becca that he would be there for her in the "real world."  Fleiss and Co. Rule 34.2(b) violation: no acknowledging that there is a world outside this show.  The real world is helicopters and five carat diamonds.  

The Lion told a story about how he feels like he failed his father because he didn't become a professional baseball player.  That must hurt.  I'm glad it worked out for me that my dad always wanted me to become a part-time Bachelor blogger.  

The Lion got the date rose, and then they went to a concert by Morgan Evans.  As usual, never heard of him.  Bring back Richard Marx.

Rose Ceremony

Prior to the rose ceremony, Stitches Chris went to talk to Becca at her hotel room.  He wanted to let Becca know that Super Eagle Lincoln "eats 12 eggs per day.  His cholesterol must be 6000."   While he forgot to mention the egg intake issue, he tried to tell Becca that he sees himself getting engaged.  Stitches' plan backfired and she sent him packing because he's crazy. She also locked her hotel door room right after he walked out (nice editing by Fleiss and Co.).  Becca delivered the QOTN: "He's not the guy I would want to have children with. . . .he's not the guy I want in my life ever."  

Joining Jr. Banker and the Lion with roses:

Favorite Garrett

Like Blake

Potter Wills 

Goodbye Super Eagle Lincoln and Coach Connor.  

Until next week in the Bahamas.