The Bachelorette Episode 6: JoJo and the Bullies

In addition to being on the lookout for any sign of receding hairlines among these guys, I am also going to pay attention to whether the roses that they use are real.  I believe that the date roses are fake and the rose ceremony roses real.  While the answer to this question is of little consequence, most of the questions related to this show are inconsequential.  Of greater consequence is that I have vanilla ice cream and scotch in my brand new crystal glass (thanks to Mrs. Wags on father's day!)  On to the show...

The episode started off in Argentina.  This is perfect because lots of Bachelor(ette) contestants cry, and the most famous Argentinian also likes to cry.

JoJo just said "funnest."  Step into my office...you're fired. 

Harrison announced that, for the first time in Bachelor history, there will be a second two-on-one date.  America collectively remains unimpressed.  

Solo Date: All 4 Wells

Before his date, All 4 Wells announced that he is the only guy that has not kissed JoJo.  The other guys were "blown away" that he hasn't kissed her because they can't keep their hands off her.  

As they left for their date, the bullies all laughed at how nervous All 4 Wells appeared.  Chase Needs a Nickname said he needs to "besame brochacho."  Good thing he has cool hair because he has nothing else going on in the skull-region.  

The date theme was celebrating the vibrant culture of Buenos Aires, or as JoJo calls it, Bwenose Aries. They did some performance art while All 4 Wells debated whether to kiss JoJo.  He constantly second guessed when to kiss her.  He needs to bring K-Ci and JoJo as a confidence booster.  

Confession: I have no idea which guy was K-Ci

On the evening portion of the date, JoJo stuck with her standard question, "tell me about your last girlfriend."  All 4 Wells ended his last relationship because they treated each other more like friends.  Unfortunately, All 4 Wells just described the way JoJo feels about him.  All 4 Wells did not get the rose, but JoJo consoles him by letting him know that it has been "amazing" to get to know him.

JoJo "never thought her first kiss with Wells could be her last."  Mrs. Wags, looking down at her phone when JoJo uttered this quote, quipped "Did she kill him?"  That would be quite a twist.

Group Date: Cool Hand Luke, Robby, QB4 Jordan, Sweet Baby James, and Marine Devito

Sweet Baby James is feeling intimidated because the guys are all so perfect and are really cool dudes.  Get out your acoustic guitar RIGHT NOW.  Even the playing field Sweet Baby.  You don't need swoopy hair and a six-pack.  You can sing FIRE AND RAIN!!!  

The date included some street futbol penalty kick challenges. Only Sweet Baby made the kick.  Take that, jocks.  Missed penalty kicks in Argentina?  That sounds familiar.

In the evening the guys' hair looked extra swoopy.  Cool Hand Luke, one of the swoops, gives me the creeps.  Mrs. Wags seems convinced that he is a vampire.  I do not think I saw his face sparkle in the sun, but I can't be sure.  Yeah I read Twilight!  Team Edward, all the way. 

Sweet Baby did not take my advice on the acoustic guitar, rather he decided to talk smack about QB4.  Sweet Baby said QB4 has a "stud arm" and "appears in magazines."  Um, Sweet Baby, that's Jordan Rodgers, not Aaron Rodgers.  They are different people.  

I asked Mrs. Wags if it seems like too many of these guys are wearing leather jackets.  I was glad I asked because Mrs. Wags broke out in song:  

JoJo told QB4 that Sweet Baby thinks he is entitled.  Fight fight fight fight!

Cool Hand Luke stayed above the fray and got the date rose.

2-on-1 Date: Harry Potter Derek and Chase Needs a Nickname

Chase Needs a Nickname started off the date by saying that he is keeping his cards "close to his chest."  Close, but no cigarette.

The date activity was three-person tango dancing.  The dance class became a battle of passion and intense stares; hair gel and intentional stubble.  

Mrs. Wags, in an attempt to help us with Chase's nickname, suggests "Chasey and JoJo."  She then quickly and confidently followed up with, "you're welcome."  

I think I just got a slight eye-whiff of a receding hairline on Harry Potter Derek.  While he now becomes my favorite contestant, it means he's probably headed home soon.  

JoJo thought Chase Needs a Nickname needs to express how he feels.  Chase responded by saying he "came to the show for a reason, and the reason is you."  Mrs. Wags, still on fire from her West Side Story reference, points out that Chase quoted Hoobastank.  Yes, Hoobastank.  You remember these guys, you just didn't remember that they were called Hoobastank.

As predicted, Chase Needs a Nickname got the date rose and a slow dance to Don't Cry for Me Argentina (obviously).  Harry Potter cried all the way home in the minivan (obviously).  

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

Highlights:

- The guys' hair height.

- Mrs. Wags declaring that JoJo's future husband may not be in the room.

- Sweet Baby continuing to ask for kiss-permission.

- Therapy sessions with Harrison.

Lowlights:

- Marine Devito's height.

- QB4's tight suit pants.

- Holding wine glasses on the bowl rather than the stem.

- Giving everyone a rose.

Joining Chase Needs a Nickname and Cool Hand Luke with roses was:

Robby

QB4

Marine Devito

Sweet Baby

JoJo did not send anyone home.  Boo.  

Until next week, when there is hopefully more analysis of margherita pizza...