 |
| No. |
Hey hey, fans and friends. This week was a fantastic episode. The blog received shout-outs from Fleiss & Co (See Ivanka's quote later) and the episode had multiple laugh-out-loud moments. Let's get right into it picking up from last week's "to be continued" at the rose ceremony. In a bit of a role reversal, we have the contestants wondering if the Bachelor is here for the right reasons. In an attempt to be transparent, Nick explains why he let Maid of Honor Liz go during last week's group date. He also could be dropping hints about his willingness to have one night stands. Hint hint, ladies. On that note, Ivanka decides that a trench coat and very little else besides whip cream will help her chances. She might have forgot she was already secure with the group date rose. We later find out she has trouble with short term memory which explains a lot. The whip cream trench coat act brought a flurry of fun quotes:
Hans: "Is this a dress or a coat?"
Hans: "She's good at stimulating chemistry"
Potty Mouth Taylor: "WHAT WAS THE WHIP CREAM FOR?!?"
Let's try to tighten this up and get to the actual rose ceremony. Hans doesn't want Ivanka to go full villain yet and asks her to tone it down. He knows full villain means she has to go (unless you're a TUlsa Real estate Developer). Tears ensue and Ivanka sleeps through the rose ceremony.
Who's joining Ivanka with rose safety?
Astro
Potty Mouth Taylor
Brittany
KGB DDS
Business Owner Danielle
Lawyer Rachel
Special Ed Vanessa
Miss Piggy
Balls
Flo
Teacher Sarah
Flipper
Brittany
Baby Erica Rose
Warrior Jasmine
Goodbye Lacey and Photographer Hailey and possibly other people who were not that memorable.
Backstreet's Back. No. Really.
Ok, even I got confused with the math here when the girls said they were such fans. The group formed in 1993.
Business Owner Danielle was three.
Christen Lou Hou was one.
KGB DDS was zero and in Leningrad.
Pilates Whitney was one.
Potty Mouth Taylor was not conceived.
Warrior Jasmine was five.
Ivanka was zero.
Huge fans, though. The biggest fans. The Backstreet guys seemed fine. Warrior Jasmine predictably kicked ass. So did Business Owner Danielle on her way to securing the group date rose. We had some excellent editing work from Fleiss & co catching Ivanka claim not "to be a crybaby" and immediately cutting to her tears.
Ivanka: "I'm terrible at planned dancing."
Hans: "Do you mean choreography?"
Ivanka: "I made Corrine great again." Nice Ivanka shout-out there.
The last interesting part of this group date was the Ivanka Nanny confession. She's 24. She has a nanny. For herself. And the way Ivanka explains it, this nanny Raquel only gets joy from serving Ivanka. So, she's really being the magnanimous one here.
Special Ed's Zero G Vomit
Sometimes pictures work better.
But, seriously, has Hans ever been nauseous? He was all over her. Give the girl some damn space. At least Special Ed walked away with the rose later at dinner.
Nickathalon with Lawyer Rachel, Flipper, Astro, Balls, Teacher Sarah, Brittany, & Flo
Despite Brittany's excitement over the sports-themed date, Astro, Flipper and Lawyer Rachel stole the show while Olympians Carl Lewis, Allyson Felix and Michelle Carter judged.
A final 100 meter dash had Lawyer Rachel clearly win and somehow Astro walk away with the win. Even Hans gave a half-hearted cheers in the post race-hot tub:
“To……..kind of winning it.”
Other thoughts from the group date?
- Lawyer Rachel does not belong on this show.
- Don't worry, Balls. We didn't forget your quote from the after-party.
- “I just want you to know…that I wasn’t like trying to be the weird lesbian” -Balls
- Flo challenged Hans and was immediately sent home for the transgression.
Rose Ceremony = Pool Party
17 girls. 1 Nick. And a Bounce House? Ivanka drags Hans away and the girls begin a fatal bachelor/ette mistake. They complain about another girl...
 |
| Time's up. Ivanka. |
Miss Piggy begins: "She has a nanny”
Warrior Jasmine joins in.
Potty Mouth Taylor is next.
THIS IS NOT A WINNING MOVE. Have you ever seen this show?
Special Ed Vanessa is about to take the bait and spins out of the mess and into the open floor: “I’m not Judging Ivanka…I’m judging your actions”
Posts
Love this post. Your Backstreet Boys age backdating really shed some light on their fake fandom. I was pretty convinced that they might have been there at the Boys' peak popularity.
ReplyDeleteSpecial Ed already seems a little too good for the show (i.e. she's likable). Throwing up on a date only increased her charm.
I understand that Carl Lewis is very recognizable, and Allyson Felix is in some commercials, but Michelle Carter? I don't think so. I wasn't buying it when one of the girls said she recognized Michelle Carter from 100 meters away.
In a what came first, the chicken or the egg, scenario, I have to wonder what came first, Ivanka's whipped cream idea or the Redi-Whip commercial I saw 5 minutes later? Did Fleiss and Co. contact Redi-Whip to preview what would happen and sell ad time, or did Redi-Whip put Ivanka up to it?
Looking forward to this show hitting it's sweet spot these next few weeks.