The Bachelorette(s) Episodie 8: Confessions?

Padre Dugan, it has been 15 years since my last confession.  I write to you today to ask forgiveness.  I have filled my mind with impure thoughts.  For the last week, I have been reading a book that has sullied my thoughts (and probably decreased my already mediocre IQ.  I have read 75 pages, and I am feeling worse about myself by the minute.  For this, I must confess reading:

First Edition

As my penance, I will self-assign whiskey and ice cream only one night a week for the next three weeks.  

Speaking of confessions, let's see if our Bachelorette Kaitlyn has anything she wants to tell the other guys. 

Back in Dublin, the show picked up with Ugly Gosling in Kaitlyn's hotel room.  Ugly Gosling seems like he's seen a few too many rom-coms, and directly asks Kaitlyn, "Are you in love with me?  Yes or no."  Along with his Southern accent, dashing hair, and Johnny Cash all-black suit, he looks right out of Sweet Home Alabama.  

Is Ryan Gosling actually Ugly Josh Lucas?  

A great moment in the hotel room occurred when Ugly and Kaitlyn were making out.  It looked very emotional and heartfelt until the camera panned out and revealed that Ugly had a Bud Heavy beer bottle in his hand.  Nothing says "let's get it on" like an American Lager make out session.  

Kaitlyn would not stop crying.  She felt terrible about herself because she slept with Hans.  This feels like an unnecessary self sl^t shaming.  Be good to yourself, Kaitlyn.  

2 on 1 Date with American Pharaoh Joe and Federal Prisoner JJ

It's always great to have two guys on the 2 on 1 date that have no chance to win the show.  Anything can happen.  The awkwardness started early and promised to happen often.  Federal toasted to falling for Kaitlyn....and Pharaoh joined in the toast.

Thankfully, this date showed off the natural beauty of Ireland.  While the Guinness Factory is nice for a beer and a view, give me the rolling Irish hills any day.

Federal JJ dropped a bomb that will get him kicked off in a few short minutes.  "Three years ago, I cheated on my wife."  It's been nice knowing you, creep.  Federal has been shady from the very beginning.  Now I'm starting to wonder how he got out of prison.

Federal Agents Mad Cause I'm Flagrant

As predicted, Federal JJ got sent home.  Kaitlyn used the easy Bachelor/ette excuse that he should go home because he "has a beautiful daughter at home."  How does Kaitlyn know if she's beautiful?

After making him wait until the evening, American Pharaoh got the rose.  (I'm having a really difficult time spelling "pharaoh."  It was already a challenging word to spell, and then the misspelled horse American Pharoah came along).  

Thanks Autocorrect

Back at the house, Ugly Gosling was freaking out again.  This type of guy is on every season.  He's the guy who is the favorite, lacks self-confidence, and has apparently never seen an episode of the Bachelorette because he seems surprised that they can't end the show after three weeks and just pick him.

Ugly arrived, once again, at Kaitlyn's hotel room.  In a poetic moment, Ugly sat down ON THE SAME GROSS MAKEOUT COUCH that she hooked up with Hans on.  And, once again, Kaitlyn did not have to confess to her Hanssex.  I am really hoping that the sex reveal doesn't happen until the After the Final Rose episode. 

Mid-Episode Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony

Role Models Ben, possibly making his pitch for being the next Bachelor, maturely pointed out that Kaitlyn had a connection with another guy while she was supposed to be focused on him.  Role Models "didn't want to know any details," but said that he wants to make sure she's still into him.  Well played.  Unlike Ugly, Role Models knows how this show works.  

Kaitlyn confronted Hans and asked him not to tell any of the other guys about their saucy night together.  Hans, the master manipulator, cried on command and said that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.  

I guess we're just going to have to get used to this season's lack of structure.  It's minute 75 of the episode and time to hand out some more roses.  Joining Hans, Chris Quinn Jared, and American Pharaoh with a rose was: 

Role Models Ben

Dr. Harris DDS (I would have bet, and lost, my house that he was going home tonight)

Ugly Gosling

Goodbye Tanner Dog and Trainer Ben.  Tanner Dog was no shocker, but Trainer Ben?!  Losing to Dr. Harris has to hurt.  

I was just thinking out loud that Kaitlyn sure seems to be hard on herself.  Then Mrs. Wags pointed out that she did i.t. on national TV.  I guess that can't be easy to emotionally handle.

Off to Killarney 

The cast and crew left for Killarney in a big bus.  Kaitlyn and Chris Quinn drove separately in a sedan, with Kaitlyn doing the driving.  Driving in Ireland is narrow and no joke.  

Like I said, no joke

Kaitlyn and Chris Quinn stopped off to kiss the Blarney stone.  Was that the real Blarney stone?  It looked like the side of a castle wall.  I now realize that I have no idea what the Blarney stone is.  

They arrived in Killarney, and apparently that counted as a solo date for Chris Quinn.  Too bad for him.  

A Twist

Harrison visited Kaitlyn in her hotel room to inform her of another format change.  Usually, the final 4 guys get hometown dates, and then the final 3 get the fantasy suite.  Harrison proposed that they have the fantasy suites with 3 guys next week and then the final 2 get hometowns.  As some people say, the rules were made to be broken (and if you are one of those people, you're off my jury).  

Solo Date: Dr. Harris DDS

I just accidentally watched a commercial for The Whispers again.  Nightmares in 3, 2, 1...

The date began with some uncomfortable kissing and a helicopter ride to the Cliffs of Moher.  

Get it?

Before the picnic on the cliffs even got going, Kaitlyn sent Dr. Harris home.  She left him out on the very tip of the Cliffs (where the smallest Jay Mohr head is).  There are NO roads that lead out there.  It's probably at least a five mile hike to the parking lot.  For Dr. Harris's sake, I hope that helicopter comes back to pick him up.  

Until next week, when we might get some real confessions...