Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a two night special with Robert E. Lee v. Kenny Boom as the main event. Seasoned viewers such as
yourself will know that the night’s episode will end in a cliffhanger at that
moment. Nevertheless, we had some good moments in tonight’s episode that
deserve some recap and comment.
Its getting confusing as we leave episodes in between rose
ceremonies and dates, but I believe we picked up in the middle of a group date
where Nip Tuck was using his time wisely to woo the Bachelorette. Nip Tuck is a
little too polished for me. At this point last season, we were all begging for
Rachel to become the next Bachelorette. Does anyone want Nip Tuck to end up
with Rachel or become the next Bachelor? No. He still secures the rose.
Kenny Boom v.
Robert E. Lee
While it’s troubling racial tension is being exploited by
Fleiss & Co., we are stuck with the shows positives and negatives and need to enjoy the lighter moments. Labeled “aggressive”
and “angry,” Kenny Boom calls Robert E. Lee a “dime store psychologist”.
Who uses “dime store” anything in 2017? Are the producers 89 year olds searching
for jobs to get healthcare now that Medicare is vanishing?
One-on-One with
Jack
We begin date night in beautiful Bluffton, South Carolina.
What do I want to know about every South Carolina city? How far is it from the
world’s best dog show in Aiken, South Carolina? About 2.5 hours.
Jack Stone should have a leg up on the other contestants.
He’s a fellow attorney, same age as Rachel and also from Dallas. However, Rachel admits there
has been no real connection to date. But she has the solution! Oysters, a known aphrodisiac.
Oysters, dancing and kissing are added kindling for the
Rachel/Jack fire, alas, there is no spark to light it. At dinner, you can tell this
is not going to end well for Jack Stone. Then comes the kiss of death. Rachel
asks Jack what he would do with Rachel if they were together in Dallas? His response? Lock the door and just lay in bed with you.
 |
| RUN RACHEL! |
She picks up the rose and viewers know there is a 0% chance
she is giving it to him. He keeps talking. “I don’t feel like that connection
in a romantic way.”
SAD JACK. Here's a song to help you turn it around.
No Cocktail Party
Needed. Rose Ceremony Go.
Nip Tuck is safe with the group date rose. Joining him:
Eric
Peter Badger
Adummy
Will Smith (who is flying under radar)
Happy Feet Matt (hard to remember the penguin suit)
Russian Alex
Josiah Satz
Anthony
Kenny Boom
Robert E. Lee
Goodbye IggyNotDiggy (with a surprisingly emotional goodbye)
and Tickle me Elmo.
The Fake Doctor is
in the House
The show has gone international and, fresh off his group
rose, Nip Tuck gets the first one-on-one in Oslo, Norway. They repel from a 187
foot ski jump and share ugly duckling high school stories before getting
another predictable rose.
Handball is Life
We have a handball date with Adummy, 90210 Dean, Anthony,
Happy Feet Matt, Peter Badger, Will Smith, Russian Alex, Eric, and Josiah Satz. First, Coach Tom explains that Handball is a mix between football, basketball and
water polo (what?!?). Next, he drops our QOTN: “HANDBALL IS LIFE!”
Let’s move ahead to the highlights:
- Incredibly, Russian Alex and Will Smith have actual handball experience.
- Peter Badger gets a little handsy…followed by a hot tub soiree in the middle of a group date.
- Will Smith is a handball star willing to show his vulnerable side.
- Russian Alex is a poet
- Josiah Satz gave a cringeworthy performance. Rachel succinctly descried Josiah Satz: disingenuous. He also is completely unaware that Rachel is no longer buying his bullshit. Josiah is as lost as Fort Lauderdale’s Flight 19. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight_19
- I hate to admit I like a Miami guy over a Fort Lauderdale guy but Will Smith deserved the rose and is a Darkhorse candidate to win this thing.
 |
| Josi-ah-Meter |
Kenny Boom, Robert
E. Lee and the Oslo Octagon
We get a helicopter two-on-one which invokes memories of the greatest two-on-one in history with the ice mountain farewell of Guard and Protect Your Heart Casey. We begin with Kenny laying the groundwork. Kenny knows he and Rachel have fun, but needs their relationship to progress. Rachel is buying Kenny Boom's sincerity.
Robert E. Lee gets his time and brings up Kenny Boom’s “dark side” including his “violent” and “aggressive” behavior. When confronted by Rachel, Kenny explains he's been "Keepin it 100" with her the whole season.
Let's reflect on that. In the same episode, Kenny referenced "dime stores" and "keepin it 100." I think I know who I want the next Bachelor to be...
Posts
As usual, the blog post is more entertaining than the actual show.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad at least one of our readers (me) will understand the Aiken, SC joke.
I will be having nightmares because of that Elmo GIF.
"Rachel is buying Kenny Boom's sincerity." I have to disagree with this. I think this is a classic 2-on-1-no-one-returns date. Kenny Boom admitted that he's been mixing it up with Robert E. Lee, and I think Rachel wants nothing to do with the drama from either of them.
I enjoyed Kenny Boom frequent reminders of what snakes do...."they slither."
Robert E. Lee also informed the viewers that they having a saying in the South, "We're praying for you." First, is this really a saying? Second, is this something that's routinely said?
I love it when a contestant like Jack Stone doesn't see it coming. Maybe it was some good editing, but it was pretty obvious at dinner that he wasn't long for the show. Rachel's look of disgust towards him was brutal.
Another question: did hip hop music make "187" a universal term? Everyone knows that it means "murder," but that's only under the California Penal Code. I assume every other state has a different penal code section for murder. Should Californians feel honored?
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