The Bachelorette: Say Yes to the Des Premiere

We begin, as usual, with a season preview montage about all the drama on the upcoming season. But, it's really only important that you remember there are a lot of bros and that bros are ultra competitive about stupid things. I am not saying that love is stupid, but game show love is pretty silly to be competitive about. Also, this is a first. One of the bachelors has been in my kitchen. (See reference). More on his memorable premiere later.

Des pulls up to the Bachelorette mansion in a nice 2 door 94 Honda, I remember those cars vividly because 40% of my friends in high school drove that exact car..…rags to riches angle? BINGO. 

But I feel they didn't bring up the best argument for her hard luck childhood. Instead of going straight for the jugular with children's pictures and stories of their homelessness, they centered on the fact she grew up in an apartment. YES. The horror. She didn't have a single family home. That is rough.

So she's in the new Bachelorette diggs...She only needs a man now. So they bring her Bentley. Bentley's back?!? Oh, a Bentley automobile. Upgrade. I also hope this is incredible foreshadowing by Mike Fleiss and Co.

One on One w/ Harrison

• What does she want out of this? 
• "I want a communicator and companionship." Is this the first lesbian season ever? Honestly, there is no chance any of the guys looking to be on this show included that in their "wants"
•  What is she looking forward to?
• "I’m looking forward to when someone I love is on their knees…" You too, Des?

Guy Intros

• We meet a Missoula, Montana military man named Bryden who's really into his dog. I feel like we have another "guard and protect your heart" character in the making. Also, "Bryden" is a good example of where names are heading in our near future. We are now into fucked up white people's names. Congrats, you're all dumb. I know a guy who loved his dog. Timmy and Lassie. I'll call you Timmy.

• Wayne Brady is a 28 year old banker from Chicago, does bikram yoga, and high fives little, old white ladies in the street.
• Drew, like 75% of this year's contestants is in digital marketing, is from Scottsdale, grew up in a divorced home, had an alcoholic father, and severely handicapped sister. Yikes, we'll just call you Drew, you've been through enough...for now.
• Nick R. is a tailor/magician. It's not possible to picture a magician going far. Kids are into magic. Women looking to settle down are not.
• Zak (honestly with that spelling?) is from Mico, Texas and hates shirts.
• Sign Spinner invented sign spinning and has a one eyed dog.
• Mike is a Dental Student. Since they didn't invest in the back story and claim he's a dentist, his chances don't look good.
• Brandon is a painter. He's a bit of a meathead so he isn't getting a cool painter nickname like Bob Ross or Dali. Also has abandonement and addiction issues. So add in sniffing paint all day and this guy's going places.

Let's Get to the Limos. 

While I may be harsh in some of my treatment of these guys, I really do feel for them. It has to be incredibly awkward to get out of these limos and try to be remembered from the group of Jimmies and Joes.

Limo 1

• Drew, Digital Marketing Entreprenuer, did nothing memorable.
• Brooks, the Marketing Consultant from SLC has hockey hair.
• Brad, an Accountant from Denver, did a lame wishbone intro.
• Timmy didn't bring Lassie.
• Michael, Domer #1 on the show and fellow member of the South Florida bar, does a penny trick that gets awkward. His awkward entry looks like ND's perfect regular season when compared to Domer #2's entrance minutes later.

 Limo 2

• Hashtag is an advertising executive who's really into social media #hashtag #marriagematerial #letthejourneybegin #YOUHAVENOCHANCE
• Wayne Brady is still high fiving everything in sight, calls her Athena. If the high fives continue, Wayne Brady will become Wayne Borat.

• Yo, Mikey T. is a fucking plumber from the Bronx...errr Illinois.
• Jon is a lawyer from Hickory, North Carolina who is about to very embarrassed about his behavior. Jon asked Des if she wanted to go to the fantasy suite with him. DENIED. But he'd have to get denied a few more times before eventually being asked to leave. Congrats! I hope you work in criminal defense.
• Zak Abs is not a real person, nor did he write the line handed to him by Fleiss & Co, "Will you accept these abs?”

Limo 3

• James is an odd advertising executive from Chicago who gives a talk about loyalty.
• Larry B., Domer #2, is an ER doctor from Berkley.

• Stream of consciousness. I know Larry. He came to my house on spring break. He's a nice enough guy, smart, hard working...can be socially awkward. Can be charming. This season is going to be hilarious. Oh fuck, nevermind. He tries to dance and almost kills her. Only socially awkward Larry came through.
• Nick R. is a Magician (see above) that doesn't need a nickname because he won't be around long.
• Zack is rocking the vans/tux look, is a book publisher and wow, this guy looks like a grown up kid. He looks like a 12 year old that switched bodies with an adult. It's creepy. Your name is BIG.
• Sir Crazy Lot (thank you guys inside the house) comes out in full knight regalia. The girls pull these stunts on the Bachelor and the guy only cares if the girl is hot or not. Guys doing stunts is pathetic and will get most of them booted (see below).

Limo 4 (must have been huge)

•  Chris is a Mortgage Broker from Seattle. Feigning a proposal on his knees, he asks if he can tie his shoe...and explains he wanted to get off on the right foot…PUNS will get you places with Dugan, sir.
• Mike R, the Dental Student, from Texas. 
• Sign Spinner who doesn't like ties.
• Does he really believe he invented spinning a sign?
• Juan Pablo is a former pro soccer player from Venezuela who Des approves of. The nicknames are needed to differentiate the Robs from the Mikes from the Joes. I think if we write "Juan Pablo" our readers won't have trouble recognizing him as the former Venzuelan soccer star.
• Hat tip to Fleiss & Co. for the spanish guitar in the background.
• Eveil Kneivel Bob Ross Brandon Dali gets off his motorcycle and doesn't know if he's from California or Minneapolis.
• Brian is in Finance in Baltimore (= drug dealer)
• More important, he wore jeans and a velvet blazer
• Micah is a law student from Denver. The only thing more annoying than lawyers are law students. God they are insufferable.
• Nick M. is an investment advisor from Charlotte (= sells insurance).
• Dan sells booze in Vegas. I should have more to say but he did nothing.
• Ben is an entreprenuer from Dallas (unemployed). Uses his cute kid as a prop. I can pull that move. It's a cheap trick.

Introduction Party

• Magician gets the first one on one time
• Painter comes in quick. Giving away mother’s sobriety coin. And dumped his grandparents for a phone interview to get on the show. Are these first date discussions?
• Rose envy.
• Lots of cities being mentioned.
• Interruptions.
• NYC Mikey is NOT from NYC.
• Ben may have a cute kid but he doesn't sit like a straight man.

• Ben still gets a rose.
• Shirtless Zak still thinks he has a chance.
• Holy shit he got a rose.
• Timmy is still talking about his best friend, Lassie.
• Juan Pablo turns the odds in his favor with a little game of futbol.
• Drew talks about his crazy butterflies, how he's fidgety, and can’t help but smile around Des. Drew probably sits like Ben.
• Larry
• Trying to undo the dip
• Socially awkward
• Creepster
• Feels good he is not fantasy suite man
• Fantasy suite man says the following things in a very short time frame
• is nothing like Sean
• has no filter
• has got a very large love tank. A WHAT?
• thinks he's a pretty good catch which is confirmed by his own mother
• has a love tank that has not been depleted in years...  

AND SOME OF YOU DONT LIKE THIS SHOW?!?!?!

Rose Ceremony

Painter Brandon

BIG – Zack K.

Wayne Brady

Hockey Hair Brooks

Juan Pablo 

Brad

Hashtag

James – The Undertaker

Sign Spinner

Brian who kinds of looks like SNL's Will Forte

Dan – Dr. WHO becuase I have no clue who this is and I have a blog about the show. For real, dude.

Chris

NYC Mikey

Who have we lost?

Fantasy Suite Lawyer?

Law Student

Magician

Dr. Larry

The Brave Knight Diogo

Have we ever lost such a bountiful source of blogging material in the opening episode? Fantasy Suite Lawyer, Dr. Larry and a Magician walk into a bar... 

Until next week when we big with the hot tubs, helicopters and private islands with Wags.

Hammond in the Wind

This blog is now titled "We Watch the Bachelor," but used to be "We Watch TV." And one of the items Wags and I watch as faithfully as the Bachelor/ette is Notre Dame Football. With tears, we bid adieu...

Goodbye Kentucky rose

May you ever grow in our hearts

You were the head that placed itself

Where Rockne got his start

You called out to our country

And you whispered to those in pain

Now you belong to heaven

And the stars spell out your name

And it seems to me you lived your life

Like a candle in the wind

Never fading with the season

When the losses set in

And your footsteps will always fall here

Along Indiana's greenest hills

Your candle's burned out long before

Your legend ever will

Your voice we've lost

These empty seats (at the top during late season home games) without your smile

This torch we'll always carry

For our nation's golden voice

And even though we try

The truth brings us to tears

All our words cannot express

The joy you brought us through the years

And it seems to me you lived your life

Like a candle in the wind

Never fading with the season

When the losses set in

And your footsteps will always fall here

Along Indiana's greenest hills

Your candle's burned out long before

Your legend ever will

Goodbye Kentucky rose

May you ever grow in our hearts

You were the head that placed itself

Where Rockne got his start

Goodbye Kentucky rose

From a title lost without your call

Who'll miss your head high above

More than you'll ever know

And it seems to me you lived your life

Like a candle in the wind

Never fading with the sunset

When the losses set in

And you footsteps will always fall here

Along Indiana's greenest hills

Your candle's burned out long before

Your legend ever will

Good luck to Dan Hiclks.

The Bachelor: Likable Sean's Finale

After the ice cream got scooped and the scotch put on ice (one rock), I took a look at our blog stats.  We are 400 pageviews away from 30,000.  I'd like to take a moment to pat ourselves on the back.  Though Dugan and I have accounted for 20,000 of those views, we should be proud.

On to the good stuff.  Mrs. Wags and I discussed the finale at dinner.  She asked me which bachelorette I thought would win.  I replied, "Lennay, because I just can't see a contestant with a foot tattoo winning it all."  I asked her who she thought would win.  She deftly said, "Lindsay, because I can't believe that a person with a foot tattoo has never won."  With the wise words of Wu Tang in mind, let's start the show.

The episode started off in the studio with @chrisbharrison announcing that this will be a "three hour finale."  Even with this time change, I'm worried that I will not be able to stay up this late.  The power of Neil Lane must get me through.

Sean's family arrived Thailand, dressed in their best Easter pastels, to meet the ladies.  Lennay came first.  Guess what?  She's falling in love.  I can see their future:

Sean's mom grilled Lennay about how she knew she was falling in love.  Lennay said it's because she writes him notes.  And he writes notes back.  How could the letter at the end be from anyone other than Lennay?  On the other hand, it would be better if the note was from Sean's mom, Chris Harrison, Emily, Neil Lane, or Dugan (not necessarily in that order).

Next came the General's Daughter.  For some reason, I just cannot see her winning.  Maybe it has something to do with this:

GD made a good impression with Sean's day about bringing up the power of prayer.  (Personal confession: "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" was the first tape I ever owned).

Sean, predictably, is in love with both women.  Sean's family, predictably, doesn't understand how someone can propose to one woman but be undecided.  ABC's producers, predictably, are very happy that Sean is following the protocol.

Sean showed just how torn up he is by pulling a Flajnik (see bottom for Dugan's Flajnik reference).

Sean then went on last-dates with each woman.  The General's Daughter went first.  They took a river raft down the muddy waters of the Mekong.  I wish they had gone swimming so they could get eaten by a couple of these catfish.  Instead, they stayed on the raft.  Sean said that that Lindsay would be a "hot old chick."  That seems like a very safe comment to make if you are going to choose the other woman.

Sidenote: I really like the music on the Bachelor.  I don't meditate, but the music makes me want to learn.  Can I get the soundtrack somewhere?

Lindsay said she had "something special" to share with Sean.  I assumed she meant lingerie, but it turned out to be three lanterns that fly away into the sky and represent their love and their future and some other really romantic things.  Sean probably wanted the lingerie.

We are now an hour into the show and NO NEIL LANE!  What the heck ABC!?

Lennay got her final date.  It started off with Scar telling Sean and Lennay to go to the Elephant Graveyard.  It was actually just a good old fashioned elephant walk.

Lennay struggled to say the right words to express how she feels.  Now that she bared her emotions, it gave Sean the chance to stick to the script and utter, "I never thought I would be in this position."  Do you think ABC has to write that on a cue card every season or do the bachelors just know?

Lennay finished the date by saying "I love you" to Sean.  Sean romantically replied, "thanks for the nice day."

Finally my wishes came true.  Neil Lane appeared in the 85th minute.  Sean awesomely said, "hey...Neil Lane."  I'm now inspired to only call my friends by their full names.  Looks like I have a fun game to play at work tomorrow.  Unfortunately, Sean Lowe picked the ring in about 20 seconds, robbing us of Neil Lane time.  I'm filing a formal complain with Chris Harrison.

The Proposal and the Rejection

The dreaded first woman out of the limo was the General's Daughter, rocking a healthy dose of overconfidence and just a dash of foot ink.  Sean greeted Lindsay with compliments, but then said "lā k̀xn" (goodbye, Thai-style).  Lindsay, in her most mature moment on the show, said "goodbye, I'm glad you found someone." 

As predicted, Harrison delivered a letter from Lennay.  The letter turned out to be a rather pedestrian love letter.  

Lennay arrived in her lucky gold dress.  Sean proposed marriage as Lennay as she almost passed out.  

Until next season, with hopefully just as many sunset elephant rides.

The Bachelor: Likable Sean and the Final Three

As I'm sure you don't know, I watch the show on delay.  It's now actually 9:00 pm as I write this.  Our loyal readers have already texted me about hooker outfits and Sean's (born-again) virginity.  With this information and my ice cream and scotch, I couldn't be more excited.

Sean is down to AshLee Top Three, Lennay Kekua, and the Two-Star General's Daughter.  Sean is taking all three of them to "one of the most beautiful places in the world...the South of Thailand."  I've been to the north of Thailand, and let me tell you, it's HORRIBLE!

Sean summarized his relationship with all three women.  Lennay is weird.  AshLee is serious.  Lindsay is giggly.  Not surprisingly, he can see himself marrying any of them, but his heart is torn in so many directions.  I thoroughly enjoy the way people talk on this reality show.

Fantasy Date #1: The General's Daughter

The GD started out by informing the audience that last week she told Sean that she is "falling in love" with Sean.  This week, she hopes to be able to tell him she is "in love" with Sean.  By the end of this episode, I hope to finish a pint of ice cream.  So it's good that we all have goals.

The date started out in a market.  The Bachelor quickly devolved into an episode of Fear Factor.  Sean and GD had to eat bugs.  GD almost regurgitated the bugs, but sadly she held it down, robbing us of the greatest moment in Bachelor history.

After feeding (wild?) monkeys on a beach, like you do, the date progressed to dinner in front of "tradition Thai floats."  This made me think that the Thai people must be really into parades.  How funny would it be if the Thai Bachelor came to the United States to film their fantasy dates and had dinner in front of some traditional American floats?

GD told Sean that she loves him.  Sean romantically replied, "it feels so good to hear you say that."  GD accepted the fantasy suite opportunity.  Based on her foot tattoo, I did not think that decision was much of a shocker.  Not that there's anything wrong with a foot tattoo.

Fantasy Date #2: AshLee Top Three

AshLee, the pastor's daughter, showed up to the South of Thailand wearing daisy dukes and a mesh top bearing her midriff.  AshLee decided to go with her classic look, the teenage bride.

The date continued to some cave swimming.  Predictably, AshLee equated/blamed her fear of cave swimming to her childhood abandonment issues.  Though I don't think any of Sean's three choices are great, Wagstradomus predicts that AshLee's abandonment issues will quickly tire out her future partner.

At the end of the caves, AshLee and Sean found the "light at the end of the tunnel." I was really hoping to see an old friend in that cave.  Never say die!

At dinner, the date card arrived. AshLee, reverting back to her pastor's daughter role, was nervous about "morally putting herself out there."  Is that the best way of phrasing what could occur!?  

Ashlee clearly hasn't read UsWeekly.  If she had, she would know that Sean is a "born-again virgin."  Thus, Sean's perfect night would be staying up all night and talking.  

Unimportant side note: I laugh every time I type "AshLee."  I love capitalizing the L.  What a crazy name!

Fantasy Date #3: Lennay Kekua

Lennay started off her date by talking about how disappointed she was with Te'o's 40 time at the NFL combine.  Wait a second, I got our Lennay Kekua mixed up with the real fake Lennay Kekua.  

Lennay's date has been rather boring.  We're 1:16 into the episode and I haven't even heard one reference to Chris Harrison.  After writing the invitations to the fantasy suites, what else does he have to do?  Rather than showing us tweets from random members of Bachelor Nation, I would like to hear a Chris Harrison Director's commentary.  

Lennay accepted the fantasy suite invite.  3 for 3!  Not bad for a born-again virgin.  

Ask and you shall receive!  Harrison is back in LA with super important information...but actually just a preview of OZ: The Great and Powerful.  Don't take advantage of us Harrison, you devious shill.

The Choice

After a therapeutic talk with Harrison (coming on strongly!), Sean took some time to stare deeply at the framed 5" x 7" photos of the women to help make his decision.  Sean then watched the video messages from the three women.  Spoiler alert: they can all see their future with Sean.  Second spoiler alert: I finished my ice cream.

With two roses left, Sean chose the General's Daughter Lindsay and Lennay Kekua.  

AshLee Top Three lived up to her nickname, exactly.  She left in a huff, saying nothing to Sean while giving him an A+ death stare.  AshLee described it as "the ultimate reject."  Worse than six foster homes in one year?  I think not.  

Until next week, with more Righty, Tierrable, and Say Yes to the Des.  

The Bachelor: Likable Sean Hometowns

Family Matters

Every year, the hometown episode turns on a crazy family member or two. While I think its important, every family has their share of crazy and one dinner date isn't a true glimpse into the crazy that can be waiting for you. So...good luck Sean. We'll play word association with the cities.

AshLee's Houston Hometown

When I think Houston, I think of the late 80's/early 90s Oilers and their Warren Moon-led prolific offense. As far as AshLee Top 3's date in Houston, her parents are the big winner. They came away great.

• Bailey is a solid dog name.
• Sean's father and grandfather are pastors.
• So is Bruce, AshLee's dad.
• I became bored and started reading how Ken Pomeroy believes Pitt is the nation's most underrated team…looked omniscient with Monday night's early 19-3 lead...oops.
• Nice 3 car garage.
• Sweet stache and boots on dad Bruce.

Lennay's Seattle Sojourn

When I think Seattle, I think of Dr. Frasier Crane and that adorable little dog. Oh, and flying fish. Apparently, you are not allowed to film anything in Seattle without the obligatory shot of flying salmon at the market. Additional Seattle date thoughts:

• gum wall? So gross.
• Lennay, 2 sisters, mom and grandma…yikes. We might as well call Sean "James Garner" and let this date continue...

• Sisters were tough on Lennay saying she wasn't ready to settle down, messy and moody...THANK YOU FAMILY.

 The General’s Daughter's Missou Milieu

I usually purposely mispronounce "Missouri" as "Misery" because I have no interest in ever going there. Admittedly, that is probably unfair due to my limited interaction with the state outside of numerous trips to Lambert St. Louis International Airport. My notes on the date.

• I've noticed a continuing trend away from wine and towards beer on the Bacherlor/ette. Is this the craft beer industry making inroads?
• General's daughter puts Sean in army outfit and tries her best General Barnaky

•  Lindsey’s mom respects Sean because he wont say “I love you.” Has she ever watched? He is contractually obligated.
• Sean seems genuinely scared of General Yenter.
• The General gives Sean the authority to marry his daughter.
• 31 years in the army. He must have an amazing pension.
• Little brother was mute.  

Say Yes to the Des' LA Anguish

Los Angeles conjures up many images, but I don't want to get in trouble with my co-blogger and Nor Cal man Wags. 

The date begins with a fake boyfriend showing up. I couldn't decide if there was a clearer moment in the series history of jumping the shark. Good luck. It's on her way out, fans.

• Mom and Dad escaped the tent for dinner
• Nate is another brother, but this one talks. Nate is a tough guy but he's no Nasty Nate.

•  Nate killed the hometown and it turned into an awkward discussion about weather.

Rose Ceremony

• AshLee Top 3 gets rose #1. DUH. Thank you, Wagstradomus.
• Gen Daughter gets rose #2.
• And the final rose to...
• Rose down. Walks away. Deep breaths. Camera crew running. Did he forget their names? WHERE IS HARRISON! GET ME HARRISON!!!
• It turns out to be Lennay.
• Leslie and Say Yes to the Des in consecutive weeks? They would have been top 3 if I had to make a guess two weeks ago. Wow.
• Say Yes to the Des is cut. Family Matters. Get it.

The Bachelor: Likable Sean Episode 7

While waiting for Mrs. Wags to come over and sit on the couch with me, I watched 5 minutes of The Biggest Loser.  I feel thoroughly depressed, yet also a little bit inspired now.  Strangely, I also feel inspired to eat chocolate ice cream while watching The Bachelor.  Harrison would approve, but probably not Jillian Michaels.

Okay, let's get back to the task at hand.  It's time to do some french kissing on the beach.  Sean started off the show by asking the delicious question, "How often do you get to fly into St. Croix in a sea plane?"  The answer is obviously never, but I wish it was every day.

Solo Date #1: AshLee Top 3

After AshLee got the date card, the Tierrorist dropped a dirty bomb and called AshLee a cougar because AshLee is 32.  As a fellow 32 year-old, I'm offended on AshLee's behalf.

But don't worry AshLee fans, Sean says he has seen her "vulnerability and her strength."  (ABC production side-note: As Sean said that quote, the cameras were directly on AshLee's bikini butt).

Back at the hotel, the other girls can't get over that Tierrable is sleeping on a cot.  How could Sean ever choose a girl that sleeps on a cot!?

Unfortunately, back on the date, AshLee was also talking about Tierrable.  AshLee said that Tierrable is a "pouty pants."



At the beachfront tiki torch dinner, AshLee said she has the dreaded "one more thing to tell Sean before the hometown dates."  We paused the show to make guesses.  I think she was married before.  Mrs. Wags guesses that she's Christian (WEAK! SO OBVIOUS!).

And the answer was: I'm right!  (But Mrs. Wags probably was too).  She was married.  The real scandal was that she got married her junior year and was divorced by her senior year.

AshLee, attempting to solidify her nickname, screamed that she loves Sean.  Per ABC rules, Sean merely replied, "I know."  Ladies and Gentlemen, television does not get much more romantic than that.

Solo Date #2: Tierrable 

Tierrable started off her date with Sean trying the street foods of St. Croix.  If you eat too much street food in St. Croix, you need to watch out for Raja Bell's Revenge

Sean confronted Tierra about her reputation in the house, igniting an emotional powder keg for later in the episode.  Watch out trash-talking bachelorettes, the Tierrorist is going to be on the loose.

Later in the (boring) date, Tierrable said she's falling in love with Sean.  Sean, in another ABC required response said, "I've had so much fun today."  Nothing like an unnatural response to a fake sentiment to make a relationship appear real.

Group Date: Lennay Kekua, Say Yes to the Des, and Lindsay

Before the group date began, Sean snuck into the ladies' rooms at 4 am to take pictures of the girls without makeup.  Amazingly, this seems information a guy in his position might want to know.  Cheers to you, Likable Sean.

After the unwelcome surprise, Sean took the three ladies out to see the sunrise.  After that predictably lovely sight, Sean proved that he has learned a few things about manual transmissions by driving the ladies around the rural island of St. Croix.  Jeep paid Super Bowl style money to sponsor this date.

On the beach portion of the date, Sean said he never thought he would fall for the girl that wore the wedding dress on the first night (Lindsay).  Surprisingly, Sean actually does seem really into her.  Maybe he has a thing for foot and wrist tattoos.

Lennay Kekua buzz-killed the date by talking about her dad's suicide attempt.  I'm not willing to buzz-kill the blog by discussing it further, but I felt that you, our valued reader, needed to know.

Say Yes to the Des cried about how much she loves her family.  And then she cried some more.  And then she cried about it.  Boo hoo.

The only date rose of the night went to Lindsay.  We get to meet crazy Lindsay's crazy family.

Solo Date #3: Lesley Abramoff

The date card said that Sean hopes their relationship can stand the test of time.  How cool would it be if Sean had arranged a time-travel date?  (Blog author nerd alert).

The date took them to a ruined fruit factory.  (It may also have been a "roof" or "root" factory.  We couldn't hear it clearly).  Frankly, none of those three types of factories makes any sense.

Lesley Abramoff was on the verge of telling a family secret, but could not pull the trigger.  A potential hometown date scandal?  Yes please.

Sister Shay

Sean's sister visited St. Croix.  She asked Sean if he could narrow it down to one or two girls.  Sean said, "I could see myself marrying all six."  Though ABC obviously makes Sean say this, we are getting into the territory of things-Sean-said-during-the-show-that-are-majorly-detrimental-to-a-post-TV-real-relationship.  Shay, a Bachelor genius and hopefully a future blog contributor, tells Sean that he should beware of girls that cause drama in the house.

Tierrable vs. AshLee Top 3

AshLee got real on Tierrable and said that Tierra changes when Sean comes around.  Tierra replied, "men love me."  AshLee said that she'd had enough of Tierra's stares and "raised eyebrows."  Using the overly defensive logic of a 1st grader, Tierra yelled, "I can't control my eyebrow!"  Botox has that effect.

Sean then consoled Tierra by telling her that he's been crazy about her since the first night and that he really cares about her....and therefore he's sending her home.  Not the most logical thought process, but the right choice nonetheless.

Tierrable left in the van crying and blaming the other women all the way.  What a wonderful set up for the Bachelor reunion episode.

Rose Ceremony

Sean, confident in his decision tonight, does not need a cocktail party.  Sorry ladies, no free chardonnay this evening.

In addition to visiting Lindsay's hometown, we will also being headed to the hometowns of Say Yes to the Des, Lennay Kekua (she exists!), and Ashlee Top 3 (the nickname is alive, but so is the crazy).

Sadly, goodbye to Lesley Abramoff.  She was one of the more likable contestants in recent memory, and maybe a dark horse for next Bachelorette.

Weird moment of the night: Lennay sobbed about Lesley leaving because Lesley has more in common with Sean than she does.  If Lennay really feels that way, why is she still on The Bachelor, ABC's hit reality search for true love?

Until next week, in hometowns all around the USA.

The Bachelor: Likable Sean Episode 6

The real star of this episode was Banff National Park and Lake Louise. 3 dates this week as the show heads North to Canada - 2 One-on-Ones and a Group Date.

Lennay's Date with Mr. Freeze

While I don't think there was anything especially interesting on this date - OUTSIDE OF THE SNOW BUS - I do think its important to remember that Lennay was left out in the elements during a blizzard on a glacier. Did Lennay have to meet with EMTs and get medical attention? No. For those keeping score at home, this is our first glacier date since Ali left "guard and protect your heart" Kasey in Iceland? Greenland? Somewhere else where there is a glacier.

Can we get back to the Snow Bus?

Is this safe? Should Sean be driving this considering he couldn't drive a stick shift jeep with Selma? 

Later, at the ice castle, it's time for Lennay to open up with her personal story. It turns out her father passed away tragically, she suffered a terrible car accident where she was in a coma for months, only to come out of the coma and find out she had leukemia, eventually die from that leukemia, come back from the dead to have to evade danger from drug dealers, have her long time boyfriend get blown out in the national title game and lastly, become a man. (Thank you Mrs. Dugan). Oh, wait, nevermind...she witnessed her friend's far too young death. I prefer my fake version where no 12 year olds die. 

The sob story is undefeated this season and Lennay gets the rose - a red one. 

Group Polar Plunge

Tierrable (new nickname coming soon!), Righty, the General's Daughter, AshLee Top 3 (new nickname coming soon!), Selma, Abramoff, and Daniella are heading on a canoe trip followed by a plunge into near freezing glacier runoff.

This is the most physically demanding season of the Bachelor/ette ever. I have never seen the men go through such grueling dates on the Bachelorette. And one of the girls is ONE ARMED. This is getting ridiculous. They test her physically every date.

During a few weeks of teasers, we have been forewarned of a Tierrable incident due to the plunge. My issue is that there are cut-away interviews with Tierrable. Fuck. We know she survives whatever fraudulent tragedy she endured.

Selma refuses to take the plunge. Selma says no, "Call me a princess." What princess would that be? JASMINE. Duh.

Selma in desert: “ I don’t do heat.”

Selma in Canada: “I’m a warm weather person.”

Regardless, Dugan is proud that she can't be guilted or peer pressured into this moronic activity.  Abramoff, Daniella, Righty, and AshLee discuss the positives from the experience while Tierrable has a meltdown. Personally, I don't mind seeing Americans tax the Canadian healthcare system with fake healthcare scares. They call 911 down here for tylenol.

Oh, by the way, the other girls were just fine. And even Tierrable managed to recuperate in time for the evening portion of the group date. Some highlights...

• Abramoff is a frontrunner and possible bachelorette material.
• Righty busted out family pictures and it didn't go over well.
• Abramoff drops "Tierrarist" nickname becoming MY FAVORITE BACHELOR/ETTE CONTESTANT OF ALL TIME.
• Sean approves as well and gives her the rose.
• Decides to cut Righty instead of letting her linger. Minorities and handicapped are dwindling. 
• Righty bemoans, “It’s always the same.” Uh...WHAT? You always get dumped on national television during a reality dating show? Does Righty understand there are plenty of two-handed woman out there having trouble in their love lives? 

Say Yes to the Des gets put to the Test

And the intense cardio dates continue. It's repelling down a mountain time. I do give a hat tip to Fleiss & Co. for the inspirational background music nearing the climax of the climb. This duo isn't done and decide to spontaneously climb a tree. I was waiting for some "A Separate Peace" action with Sean cutting her by shaking the branch and Des out of the tree. 

Alas, it's time for a Tee-pee nightcap. I never pictured tee-pees being this large. It was larger than my first home. Say Yes to the Des decides to bring up her personal drama and it opened the door for my first recommendation for quote of the year. Growing up, due to stressful economic conditions, she and her family lived in a tent for months at a time. And a fifth wheel. And a small apartment. A small apartment? The horror, the horror.

Des: “I opened up about living in a tent, and here I am, falling in love in a tee-pee.”

Rose Ceremony during an incredible Michigan/Ohio State game

• Lennay, Abramoff, and Say Yes have Roses.
• Righty is gone.
• Selma kisses to make up for missing the plunge.
• Dugan figured out who AshLee has been remminding him of the entire damn season. She is this matronly but attractive, really odd person with a mixed up past of abandonement. AshLee is Gillian Darmody.
• Gen Daughter gets rose #4.
• Gillian Darmody gets rose #5.
• The Tierrarist gets the Final Rose.
• Selma and Daniella gone. Neither had a nickname. Everyone left has a nickname.

Next week will bring the ladies out of the cold and to the US Virgin Islands.