The episode started off on Vomo Island. Amazingly, it described exactly what Liz wants to do every time she sees Ashley...vomo all over the place.
Ashley's family arrived. This is truly what we have all been waiting for: Ashley's sister Kat Von D.
In one breath, Ashley says she's absolutely in love, and she hasn't made the final choice. Those are two statements that seem contrapositive to one another. (Definitely not sure if it's the right word, but I'm hoping that ND Freshman year Philosophy paid off).
Cupcake got to meet Ashley's family first. Ashley said she wasn't nervous at all. Her brother, on the other hand, seems extremely nervous. He kept wiping off sweat with a towel. Maybe it's just really hot in Vomo Island. According to some weather website, it's currently 28 degrees Celsius right now in Vomo (whatever that means).
After one lunch and two Pina Coladas, Ashley's sister Kat Von D doesn't think that Cupcake is for her because he doesn't make her laugh. Kat thinks that she is "much more rational" than Ashley. I beg to differ. Was it rational to get a butterfly tattoo on your throat?
Ashley turned to her brother for support. Amazingly, he also looks just like another quasi-celebrity. What will you give me for Ashley's brother and Derrick from MTV's Road Rules/Real World Challenge (if Derrick really liked Puka shell necklaces)?
Unfortunately for Cupcake, Derrick isn't running the interview portion, but Kat is. Cupcake and Kat are not getting off to a good start. Kat thinks Brad was better for Ashley. She thinks Cupcake is too timid for Ashley. To top it off, she didn't think Cupcake should propose. If Cupcake wins this thing, I don't think he's going to be getting coffee with his sister-in-law.
Cupcake learned a lesson that Madison Avenue has been selling for a long time:
Ashley had a heart-to-heart with Kat that quickly deteriorated into Ashley calling Kat a negative bitch. (Those are her words, not mine). These are the type of moments during the Finale that always make me wonder what the winner of the show is thinking while watching right now. He HAS to be worried about what a dysfunctional family he's marrying into. But this show always leads to successful marriages, right? So no worries.
Sonoma Ben then got his chance with Ashley's B-list celebrity family. Kat says she wants a guy that brings out who Ashley really is. Apparently that includes Ashley's famous "dog voice." If I had a friend that made it to the late stages of applying to be on THIS season, I would again remind him how lucky he is not to have been selected (this is all hypothetically speaking of course).
Quick pause break. Needed to get an ice cream sandwich and happened to stop on this gem:
With a nose-pick like that, how could she not pick this Maestro of Merlot. (And to clarify, Liz got me the ice cream sandwich while I sat on the couch typing...I'll get her flowers soon...get off my back!).
Let's get back to some Philosophy proofs.
1) Ashley's family loves Ben
2) Ashley hates her family (esp. Kat)
3) Ashley should pick Sonoma Ben
4) Ashley will pick Cupcake
(Nietszche couldn't have done it better than that)
Sonoma Ben's date with Ashley continued on an helicopter trip to a pond. They were in a natural mud bath on Vomo Island. Sounds a little risky to me. To Ashley, it was more risque than risky. I did a little research and found out that Ashley and Sonoma were not alone in the mudbath. I was able to obtain exclusive footage of their co-mudders:
Something I've recently noticed about Ashley that really irritates me is that she is the worst sentence-finisher. As Sonoma Ben told her that he loved her "and never expected it...," Ashley finished his sentence with..."in a million years?" Just zip it. I'm getting ornery as this show goes on.
Cupcake had his last date. Overally, boring. But he did give us this gem. "She may love both of us, but she can only be in love with one of us," said Cupcake. That's meaningful and meaningless all at once.
Next, we got our yearly dose of Neil Lane. I vote for him to become Harrison's sidekick on Bachelor Pad. Neil could really add some clarity to that show. Get it? Clarity. It's a triple entendre. He's a diamond guy.
Usually we get to see who gets out of the limo first, but today we get a new twist from Fleiss and Co. In the Fijian tradition, there are no limos, but only seaplanes. Also, these seaplanes are required to fly around at least six loops before landing. Don't ask why, it's Fiji.
Like Nietzsche always said, the first person out of the seaplane usually loses. BEN. NO. Ben loses and peaces out. Ben left with honesty and grace, telling Ashley, "these things don't end on good terms, hope you and JP have a nice life together." Previously, I wanted new Bachelor blood, but now I want Sonoma Ben for Bachelor Season 27.
Cupcake won. I can't fight the feeling anymore that Cupcake and the Dental Student are not going to last.
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Sonoma Ben was out and about in the Marina on Friday night, not a good sign for his prospects on this episode. Tim states the comment "She may love both of us, but she can only be in love with one of us," said by Cupcake is meaningful and meaningless all at once. Really, it is either meaningful or meaningless and it is the missing link to Tim's assertion in the blog post of ashly's contraposition, or what I think Tim is trying to say is, her comment that he is asserting fails contrapositve logic. We learn a lot about Ashley, Cupcake, Sonoma Ben and Tim as they throw out these categorical propositions. Cupcake's comment is the logical justification for Ashley's assertion of both being in Love and not making a choice (ie. there is room for dif. types of love on ABC). Tim is not entirely convinced and Sonoma Ben is def. not buying it. Great blog post to wrap up a season that started off bad (even months before it aired) and only got worse.
ReplyDeleteI tried to post this morning from the 17th Judicial Circuit Court of the State of Florida but my damn phone didn't post it. There is no doubt in my mind that the blog is far superior to the show, but the blog couldn't exist without the show...so there is that. It's like the opposite of the the shark - remora symbiotic relationship. It would be like if the remora kicked the shark's ass in wit, humor, charm and advice. I am way off track.
ReplyDeleteI became convinced that Cupcake won after the Winemaker became Mr. 24 hours in Asia. His reaction and subsequent moodiness on the 3-on-1 with EL Douche and Lucas Oil was too plainly shown by Fless & Co. He was a favorite early on when he consoled Ashley after the Bentley drama.
As for the finale, Neil Lane brought the heat. He out-Harrisoned Chris. Neil Lane needs more time on next season. I demand it. The guy is a stud. And camera tricks continue to insert "Neil Lane" advertising on the ring box in one scene and it magically disappears in the next. I love it.
The Ben farewell in the boat was wonderful. The problem the show had was that no one felt bad for Ben. Everyone feels like he won by not being picked. Does the Winemaker have enough charisma to lead a season? Does it really matter because the interaction of the female contestants really makes the Bachelor seasons.
Lastly, on the Kat Von D reference. I have no idea if that picture above is Kat or the sister. No clue.
Wags fantastic recap. I also demand more of Neil Lane. His question and subsequent response to Cupcake when he asked him what if ashley says no was awesome. I just want to be there for you... We know you do Neil, we know. Your compassion is unrivaled.
ReplyDeleteNow on to Sonoma Ben's exit. It had to be the best one to date. From his ashely don't sugarcoat this, to his sarcastic cupcake is a nice guy I'm sure you will have a nice life, to the awkward boat ride that went right behind ashley as cupcake flew in from above, to where the hell was the boat driver or whatever you call that person taking Ben to? I mean there appeared to be no signs of land for hundreds of miles. It was absolutely fantastic. This season was boring as hell. I am glad this hypothetical person, who may or may not have almost made the show didn't have to personally embrace fleiss's obsession with trying to make ashley sexy, but I thoroughly enjoyed last night.