The Bachelorette Finale 1 of 2: Say Yes to the Des

We begin with Des giving the run down on the final three:

• Straight Drew
• Warrior Baseball Poet Chris
• Hockey Hair Brooks

Where is Antigua in relation to your blogging authors? Too far from Wags to even mention.

Drew’s Fast Forward Fantasy Date

Drew and Desiree drive around Antigua taking in the sights and dancing with the locals. The enjoy maracas (who doesn’t?), limbo and a palm frond matchmaker. The dinner/bond fire got rained out and they fast forward to the fantasy suite portion of their night. This is a new dimension to fantasy suites. It’s like they took a shortcut ala the Gumdrop Pass.

Or should I say Rainbow Trail? Get it, Drew? We all do. Quote of the night material: “I just want to give him the world.” Well then, Des. Let’s turn out the lights and let you two get to it.

Hockey Hair Brooks in Utah

We get a sneak peek to upcoming drama with Brooks’ detour to Utah for a pep talk with Mom and Sis. Basically, Brooks likes Des but is feeling the pressure from Fleiss & Co. Liking the girl is not enough. You must propose.

Chris Back in Antigua

We get the obligatory helicopter action and beach hanky panky. Mrs. Dugan gives her traditional eye-roll during the beach make out session. Mrs. Dugan really gets upset at staged nonsense in the sand more than the other staged nonsense that goes on. Why? I have no idea.

Dinner talk includes Des’ willingness to move to Seattle. Des is willing to make things work. Seattle isn’t that bad, what if Chris lived in North Korea?

During the fantasy suite portion of the night, Baseball’s Warrior Poet drops his latest verse:

The Outlook wasn't brilliant for the Bachelor men that day:
The score stood two guys to one, with but one date more to play.
And then when Shirtless Zak died at first, and James did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, if only Brooks could get but a whack at that -
We'd put up even money, now, with Brooks at the bat.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Bachelorville - mighty Brooks has struck out.

Brooks sits down with Harrison/Des

Here’s the lowdown. Hockey Hair isn’t feeling it. And he makes a pretty strong point. If Brooks doesn’t feel it amid the puppy dogs and champagne of Bachelor/ette manufactured romance, he doesn’t think its coming. But when Brooks explains the situation to Des, she surprises him by expressing her love.

Brooks: “Why didn’t you tell me that?”

Des: “I couldn’t.”

I THOUGHT FLEISS & CO WERE HERE TO CREATE TRUE LOVE…NOT DESTROY IT.

This ending with Brooks is making for an awkward finale. Brooks brings the melodrama with his “worst day of my life” bullshit. Really, Brooks? Really? Being flown to Antigua on a free vacation to dump a girl on a reality show is the worst day of your life?

Go to Mogadishu and bitch to Somalians about your life. Until next week with Wags’ write-up.