Tom Snyder from the Late Late Show, among others.
Rickles' Costco Date
The date card explains that Rickles is about to join an exclusive club with hors-d'oeuvres, sweeping views, tall ceilings, etc. You get the idea. They go to Costco and have to buy obscure items for a dinner date with Jimmy Kimmel. Want an obscure fact somewhat relevant to the show? Costco has two stores in Iowa. 2. Iowa.
My highlight from the date was seeing the Bachelor and I share the same grill.
Jimmy Kimmel brings up the very real problem of the winner and Chris eventually watching the season and being aware of what goes on in the fantasy suites. Rickles understands the premise of the show but does question whether she can receive a similar Hall Pass. Rickles, with the help of her comedian brother Kimmel, secures the rose and will be staying on the show.
Hoedown Throwdown
Hey, that's an original idea. Oh wait, Miley Cyrus has a song about it? From 2010 Miley? And the lyrics include "Pop it. Lock it. Polka Dot it." I AM ALL IN.
Favorita Britt, Crossfit, Becca, Hot For Teacher, Ferngully, Widowmaker, Blackish, Crazy Ashley, Unrboken Juelia, Samantha, Former Cheerleader Nikki and Carly Rae.
The girls are involved in a musical chairs type relay race involving Corn Shucking, finding eggs in a chicken pen, cracking said egg without cracking the yolk, milking goats, drinking said goat milk, shoveling manure, and picking up a greased pig. This show has a history of poor stunts but this has got to be up there on the degrading scale.
It ends up being a 2 woman, 1 man race between Carly Rae, the Widowmaker and Crossfit. Would I say that to Crossfit's face? HELL NO.
Carly Rae enjoys the blue ribbon and the season's second American Gothic reference. I set the over/under on remaining American Gothic references at 1.5. What are you taking?
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The Faux Hawk is applying a lot of chapstick and kissing almost all of the girls on this group date. He's going to get himself in trouble. Becca slows his roll and gives him a hug preferring not to follow Carly Rae, Blackish and Crossfit.
Here's the rest of the highlights in rapid succession.
- Ferngully is concerned and drops the QOTN: “why are you kissing everyone else?”
- Becca must have a strong hug game because she secures the rose.
- Crazy Ashley gave an awesome face in response
- Carly Rae was a sad puppy and came strong with this pathetic QOTN nominee “Roseless feels sooooo bad.”
Nurse Whitney and the Staged Wedding Crashing
If you believe they actually crashed a wedding, please stop reading. This blog isn't for you. There is a good chance you don't understand sarcasm or, really, life in general.
I dislike the "fake reality" TV more than pretty much any aspect of this show so I have little to say other than Nurse Whitney receives the and her prospects for a lengthy run seem good.
Pool Party and Suicide Talk
The rose night cocktail party is cancelled in lieu of a fun, relaxed pool party. Everyone is enjoying themselvces so Unbroken Juelia decides it's time for some suicide talk. I would question her decision making...but she is a single mother who, after her husband's suicide, decided to go on a reality dating show. I am guessing Juelia's trail of poor decisions leaves a helluva wake.
Speaking of bad decisions, watch this:
The rest of the pool highlights:
- Fav Britt is a little unsettled by the other girls but plays it cool
- Jade wants to see his place and secures a rose
- Crossfit and the Maculate Virgin (Jersey Ashley's new nickname) enjoy an awkward hot tub confrontation
- The Maculate Virgin is making a fatal Bachelor mistake. She is spending too much time talking about the other women.
Rose ceremony
Rickles, Nurse Whitney and Hugs Becca are safe. Joining them with roses:
Jade
Samantha
Unbroken Juelia
Ferngully
Widowmaker
Fav Britt
Megan
Carly Rae
Crazy Ashley
Former Cheerleader Nikki
Crossfit
Maculate Virgin
Tandra
Hot For Teacher (difficult for me as she was a favorite of Dugan's to go far. They never seemed to click and she didn't seem to mind getting the boot.)
Blackish
Until next week and the return of Tim.
Posts
Excellent work Dugan. The Miley Cyrus Hoedown Throwdown has rattled my brain a bit. Did you know that video was out there or was that a google search find? I listened to the entire thing. She's come a long way.
ReplyDeleteThis could be my favorite thing you've ever written:
"If you believe they actually crashed a wedding, please stop reading. This blog isn't for you. There is a good chance you don't understand sarcasm or, really, life in general."
I love that slam dunk fail. I would like it even more if it was you trying to do it, Dugan.
Tough week, as we lost two good nicknames, one a blog favorite.
A few other observations I jotted down:
1) Steak and....pot stickers? Really?
2) I'm scared by Rickles' tattoos. Those two matching birds on the back of her arms scream "complicated past."
3) On the other hand, I like Rickles' heavy whiskey pours.
4) I have two nominees for QOTN:
a) "If she can't shuck corn, she's not for me." - Chris
b) "Whatever you do, don't be yourself. Be a guy that gives better speeches" -Kimmel to Chris
5) I think Becca is a dark horse. She realizes that every girl is kissing Chris, so she does the opposite to set herself apart. As long as she's not annoying about it, that's a winning strategy.
6) At one point in the hoedown, Chris was described as having "moves." Like the "shopping cart." Those "moves" haven't worked since sophomore year of high school (and I'm not even sure they worked all that well back then).
7) I don't remember much from Art History class, but I do remember that the woman in American Gothic is the farmer's daughter. This kind of changes the tone of the scene.
8) I need Nurse Whitney off the show. I can't take the voice.
QOTN: "So, there's something about weddings that's just very romantic."
ReplyDeleteI haven't watched this show in 3 years and yet somehow I am constantly drawn in to reading these blogs.
ReplyDelete