The Bachelorette Episode 8: Dallas First, Fantasy Later

In this penultimate* blog post and my last post of the season, I am going big: Old Potrero Straight Rye and mint chip ice cream.  I also wanted to take a moment to compliment Fleiss & Co. on a successful season.  The characters on the show this season did not fit into simple stereotypes.  They have an African-American bachelorette that likes white men.  They had an African-American contestant (Will) that doesn't like African-American women.  And there was an African-American contestant (Eric No Ties) that has never even had a girlfriend of any race.

*Confession, I had to look up "penultimate" to make sure I was using it correctly.  Like the word "condone," I can never quite remember what it means off the top of my head.

Enough compliments for Fleiss & Co., it's time to go to Spain and accept Mr. Harrison's date card offer...

But before the big trip, the guys went to Dallas to face Rachel's family.  Will we get to meet her dad, the famous, mysterious judge?  All judges around the country are anxiously watching to find out.

Peter Badger got to meet Rachel's family first.  Before going into Rachel's parents' Dallas mansion with GIANT doors, Badger said he was falling in love with her.  She replied, "I'm falling in love with you too."  Whoa.  We Bachelor historians call this a "BHigg."  Past Bachelor Ben Higgins told two women he was in love.

Justice Kagan was especially sad to learn that Judge Rachel's Dad could not be there to meet any of the men.  I love that he continues to refuse to be on the show.  Thankfully, Rachel's sister Constance is willing show up.  It's good to have her back.  She's one of the best Bachelor siblings, even if she is married to this guy:

Peter Badger, still nervous about committing to Rachel, did not ask for Mrs. Lindsay's permission to marry her.  She tried to spin this as a good thing, but I'm not convinced.  He seems like he is going to crumble as the show continues.  

Eric No Ties got the next opportunity with the Lindsays.  Unfortunately for No Ties, I think his biggest obstacle to winning Rachel's heart is that his fashion-beard is the patchiest of the three remaining men.  Mr. Harrison requires cool beards if you want to be in the finale.  

This is how we do it.  

No Ties met Rachel's family.  They don't like him.  They don't think Rachel likes him.  It's too bad because he's easily my favorite.  Eric has made a strong push here in the end.

Eric asked Mrs. Lindsay for permission to marry Rachel.  Mrs. Lindsay said he had her blessing assuming Rachel was into him.  A very indirect yes at best.  

Bryan NipTuck was our final Dallas family introduction, but he was the first guy that got to meet Rachel's friends.  This is further proof that NipTuck is going to win it all.  

NipTuck got his "doctorate" at the University of Florida.  This is a double whammy.  First, chiropractors are not doctors.  Second, Gators are not welcome on this blog.  Right, Dugan?

At the Lindsay house, NipTuck is this season's no-one-talks-like-that-in-real-life guy.  I'll bet Tim Tebow is like this too.  Rachel's sister could sense NipTuck's BS style.

Marry my sister?

NipTuck described their relationship as an "expedited situation."  The more he talks, the weirder he gets.  

Mrs. Lindsay was also not so sure about NipTuck.

Marry my daughter?

NipTuck asked permission to marry Rachel.  Again, an indirect yes from Mrs. Lindsay.  Fleiss & Co. planted a seed doubt with NipTuck, but we can't be fooled.  He will win.

Finally, we're off to Spain.  There are only 45 minutes of the show left.  Maybe this is not the penultimate episode.  It could be the antepenultimate episode (I definitely had to look that one up).  

Eric No Ties got the first fantasy date.  Mr. Harrison, MIA on this episode, arranged for a helicopter.  Eric declared, "Big Rach.  Big E.  It's our time again."  

Wait, was Biggie rapping about the Bachelor?

The date started in the La Rioja region of Spain.  Then, they were near the ocean.  I did a quick google maps search to determine that the La Rioja region of Spain is landlocked.  Mrs. Wags refocused my attention to the TV, noting "If you spend all your time fact checking, you're going to miss them falling in love."  Mrs. Wags definitely believes in true love.

After reading the date card, No Ties delivered the QOTN.  Speaking about Mr. Harrison, No Ties said, "That guy...is awesome."

Peter Badger  was up next.  They went to a winery.  Raquel y Pedro received a wine cellar in Spain as a gift.  They each got a key.  Prediction: they are never going back there.  Mrs. Wags and I studied abroad in Madrid.  Since our time there, we have been to many other European countries, but never back to Spain.  It's a good thing we do not have a wine fridge waiting for us back in Madrid.  

In the evening portion of the date, Rachel said she's not in this to have a boyfriend.  Badger, on the other hand, believes that he only wants to be engaged in order to set a wedding date and start picking cake flavors.  And he said he's not ready to be Badger-style engaged with Rachel just yet.

Rachel thinks it may not work out...and....TO BE CONTINUED.  Please let there be more than 45 seconds of Neil Lane.