The Bachelorette Episode 8: You Better Be Vulnerable

Last week, Dugan mentioned he flies all around the Bahamas on private aircrafts playing in off-shore craps games.  

In order to feel adequate, I thought I would break out the whiskey I won at auction.  You read that correctly.  I buy my alcohol at auction.  Who needs Bevmo?  For those keeping track at home, I also have ice cream tonight too.  Let's talk about hometowns.

Fav Garrett in Manteca, CA

Though Fav G lives in Reno, he's from Manteca, CA.  It's about 75 miles from me.  I have never been there, but I always wanted to go there as a kid for one reason.

Again, F. Garrett knocked his ex-wife for taking him away from his family.  Though I don't do any outside research for this show, I'll bet her rebuttal to Gar's slander would be compelling.  Mrs. Gov, can you confirm or deny my theory?

At his family home, Fav's mom promised it would be "no holds bar (sic)."  With all that wine they have on the table, it looks like they won't be holding anything back at the bar.

Fav's mom had a chat with Becca.  Still scarred from Fav's divorce, she's understandably skeptical about this process.  I'm surprised any family member goes along with this process.  I'd have the hardest time not telling a family member that they are insane.



Garrett's family seems your pretty average upper-middle-class family.  Garrett kind of seems like he's the Lennie of the family.

Low IQ, beautiful hairline

The date ended with Fav Garrett still in the front runner position.  

Sr. Banker in Buffalo

Good Ol' Sr. Banker: the guy she should choose, but she won't because he's the "could-get-him-in-real-life" contestant.  

Sr. Banker started off the day with a wing-eating contest.  I love this guy!!!!  (But I guarantee she won't.)  

After the eating contest, Sr. Banker took her to the ice skating rink to show off his hockey skills.  This makes sense of his fashion mullet.

At night, they went to see Sr.'s family, but he warned the audience that he has "guarded and protected" his heart.  Do Fleiss and Co. issue these guys a script?  

Sr. Banker's dad also judges dog shows in his spare time.  

I've taken a sponge bath in smaller bowls than that.

Sr. Banker's brother, Ira Glass, was there with his husband.  First ever married gay couple at a hometown date?  I think so.  I loved how average it was.  No big deal.  Nothing you can do about that Kavanaugh!!!

Nice date Sr. Banker, but you have no chance.  

Like Blake in Bailey, CO

Whoa SNOW.  It looks freezing in Colorado.   

First order of business: taking her to his old high school.  It must have been fun to show off his hall of fame plaque, where he bullied all the other kids, and where he achieved his final educational level.  

I thought it was a curious decision to take her to his high school library (where he never went actually went while in high school).

I'm really going to regret it when I find out this guy is actually in medical school.  Nah, there's no aspiring doctors on this show anymore.  We can't even get a dental student these days.  

Think she got her DDS?

At his parents house, Like Blake's parents put aside their differences/divorce to come together for Fleiss and Co.  Unfortunately, it appears Blake's basketball coach (English teacher?) couldn't make it.  

The date ended.  These two seem really into one another.  

QB5 Colton in Parker, CO

Apparently, the adult virgin QB5 lives in a more temperate part of Colorado.  It's sunny and comfortable (and innocent) in QB5's Colorado.  

QB5 described Becca's "natural, motherly feel" as "something you can't learn."  He's starting to sound more and more like a virgin.  

It seems like she's not looking at this guy in the same way anymore.  It would be like Mrs. Wags telling me she's actually a USC fan.  We could never go back. 

QB5's dad, rocking the large cross necklace and braided rope bracelet, looks like he's going for the cool-youth-minister look.  

QB5 says he's in love, but I don't think his expression of love has gotten him into the top 2.  He's an obvious bronze medalist in this one.  

Rose Ceremony

Before the rose ceremony, she met with the "people who know her best," five women from last season's Bachelor.  I feel terrible for her actual friends at home in Minnesota.  

Tia, QB5's ex-girlfriend, pulled Becca aside to be "fully honest."  I was hoping she was going to reveal she had relations with him.  Instead, Tia said she still has feelings for QB5.  So maybe these aren't actually Becca's five best friends?

Before the rose ceremony, QB5 pulled Harrison aside to ask him what the rules of the fantasy suite are.  Do you have to have sex?  No, dummy, Fleiss and Co. don't MAKE YOU HAVE SEX.  

Getting roses and heading to the fantasy suites were:

Like Blake

Sr. Banker Jason (WHAT!?)

Fav Garrett

Goodbye QB5.  Thankfully he doesn't have to feel obligated.  

While the fantasy suites always bring some intrigue to the show, I would love to see a spelling bee between these three.  Sr. Banker would clean up.

The Bachelorette Episode 7: Hometowns!

This is the true story of five strangers, picked to live in a house, work together towards love and have their lives taped, to find out what happens when people stop being polite... and start getting real.

And you thought 90210 Dean was our last early 90s reference of the season! It's not even the last in this week's recap (see below)! This is my favorite episode of the season because it actually featured real emotions and actual conflict. The show is heavily scripted and very rarely do we get honesty, but this episode brought it on each and every hometown date. Let's get to the dates...

Baltimore with Eric

Screw Babe Ruth, Baltimore's Greatest Ballplayer

I get it. Most of you think about The Wire when you see the mean streets of Baltimore. I think about Eddie Murray. You take the Wire. I'll take Eddie Murray. We'll see who gets more Baltimore street cred.

Eric brings Rachel to a neighborhood court to shoot hoops. Note the rope nets. For something to be sufficiently hood, they need chain nets or no nets. This court is bougie. Luckily, a friend comes by to hammer home the Horatio Alger backstory. Did you know the Horatio Alger Myth was popularized by his book Ragged Dick?

Nevertheless, Eric chose school and basketball over drugs and crime. We get to meat Eric's dad and a BUNCH of women! An aunt brings up an honest question about race that Rachel handles with aplomb. Rachel knows she’s going to upset people no matter what so she might as well pick the one she likes best. Seems genuine.

We see a glimpse of Eric's issues with both parents. Eric’s mom basically said she needed him to be more independent than the rest of the men in their family and her distance was strategic. Eric's dad was more vague about his distance but regret was in the air.

From the toast to the goodbye, Eric felt very comfortable with Rachel and I kept thinking: where has this Eric been all season? I missed one episode? What the hell happened last week to transform Eric?

Nip Tuck in Miami

Not Really

I have to give Nip Tuck some credit because he brought Rachel to Domino Park on Calle Ocho, a more authentic version of Miami than touristy Miami Beach. Dugan lived very close during law school. The producers built the tension starting last week. Mrs. Nip Tuck was going to be cast as the overbearing Latin Mother.

She gave a toast to Nip Tuck: “the most precious thing I have in my life…” and burst into TEARS. However, she never lived up to the Monster-in-Law billing. In discussion with her son, she reasonably shared skepticism about the process of finding a wife so quickly and on TV. When talking with Rachel, she wanted her to know how important family was, and most important, Nip Tuck's happiness: “If he’s happy, I’m happy. If not, I will kill you.”

Despite that quote, mom was sweet and Nip Tucks's favorite status is secure.

Badger welcomes a Warrior to Madison

We get to the second straight city where Tim and I have spent time together: Madison, Wisconsin. This show is made for us. Badger welcomes Rachel "home" to Wisconsin? Huh? And then you remember that Rachel is also a Wisconsin barred attorney. But, she's a Texan? Her father is a federal judge in Texas. 

Hmmm?

And then Dugan remembers that you don't have to take the Wisconsin Bar if you go to a Wisconsin law school...Rachel is a Marquette Warrior! She even interned with the Bucks.

We walk around a Farmer's Market and eventually meet the Badger's friends! Badger told Rachel that he has 10 main friends, 8 of which are black. That is really hard to do in Wisconsin! It's nearly a statistical impossibility to do so in Cottage Grove, Wisconsin with a black population of 2.5%. There is a story here that needs explaining. 

Rachel is concerned about Badger's pace. He doesn't understand that we are getting to the end which means a proposal and soon. Rachel is blunt: “I don’t want a boyfriend from all this.”

We Get Real with 90210

We get some incredible ups and downs in this Aspen, Colorado hometown. It was hard to find a more stark contrast to Eric's Baltimore basketball court than 90210's ATVs and Champagne. We soon fall from the clouds and realize 90210s life has enough drama for a Lifetime movie. At 15, he tragically lost his mother. His family broke apart in the aftermath, his father converted to the Sikh religion, and he changed his name to “Paramroop Singh Khalsa.” 90210 sadly brings the QOTN: “It means divinely beautiful and it’s a self given name….and also speaks a little bit about his character.” Pops also has a new wife, Satantar.

Walking up to the house, 90210 continues, “I am legitimately terrified. I’m not nervous. I’m terrified.” Remember folks, he’s going home! I keep thinking that this episode will do more damage to the pro-marijuana movement than Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III ever could hope to achieve.

We get the 90210/Paramroop discussion that's 11 years overdue. Paramroop rationalized that 90210 turned out great so he must have been a pretty good father. Not the strongest argument but it may have some merit. 90210 protests that his father was not present after his mother's death, that there was no moment of familial solidarity in the wake of the loss of their mother. 90210 actually complained that Paramroop was not "maternal". Paramroop admitted he made mistakes, but did the best he could to support the family. He wasn't a mom. He didn't how to be a mom. He had just lost his wife of 27 years. It was honest. It was hard to watch. It was the realest this show has been in years.

Full Disclosure: I'm all in on Paramroop. I'm down with the gong. My brother has a gong on his porch and I love it. Paramroop is a yoga teacher and I was late to this episode due to yoga class. What are the chances I end up like Paramroop? I say 4%?

Hometown Regroup with Harrison

Eric – new energy but concern that he's never been in love.
Nip Tuck – favorite stays the favorite. Only guy to say "love".
Badger – Holding back could be his demise.
90210 – Most surprising. From model to marriage?

For someone, the early 90s are about to hit home.



Nip Tuck is safe.
Eric is safe.
Badger v. 90210?

I'm sorry Kelly, Steve, David, Donna, Brandon, Dylan, Andrea and Brenda. Until next week when Tim returns with Rachel's family!