The Bachelor Season 27: Episode 1: Where the Hell is Chris Harrison?

 

Yes, Dugan and Wags are back! It's been almost 4 years since our last Bachelor/ette blog post and we have decided we owed it to our devoted and rabid fans. We go again and give them what they have not asked for: our return. Ladies and Gents, to the recap!

While I gather that devoted fans are up to date on the coming and goings of Chris Harrison and Jesse Palmer, this is still new to me and takes some getting used to. Fortunately, we have Bachelor legend Sean to help introduce the Texas Tech Executive. A note on that on that Tech Executive part - I don't think Zach's career was mentioned once in the show. This is a big change over the show's multi-decade run. I have to remember that I keep getting older as a viewer while the participants stay the same age.

Dugan watching the Bachelor

Zach Facts

• Tall
• Texan
• Played college football for Cal Poly but roots for Southern Cal. Most of our fans know this could be problematic for Wags and I but he totally redeemed himself with the former college DJ thing.
• He seems like a genuine guy and here for the right reasons. 

Let's meet the Women!

Bailey is a 27 year old executive recruiter from Nashville. Something is going on with her eyes, can't tell if good or crazy or both.

Katherine is a 27 year old Registered Nurse from Tampa that's giving off some Gisele vibes.

Christina Mandrell is a 26 year old content creator from Nashville with a 5 year old daughter. I'm fairly certain the target audience of this show has no idea who Barbara Mandrell and the Mandrell Sisters are but they are legit famous. Her aunt Barbara is one of a few women to win the Country Music Association's Entertainer of the Year award, and one of only two women (alongside Taylor Swift) to win the award twice. This is a long way of saying that "the Mandrell Daughter" may not be here for the right reasons.

Charity - is a 26 year olf children’s therapist from Columbus, GA.

Greer - is a 24 year old Medical Sales Rep from Houston, TX who does not know how to open champagne. No, you do not shake it to open.

Contents Under Pressure

Brooklyn - was born in Texas, lives in Stillwater and is named after an NYC borough. Are you confused yet? It gets weirder. She is a 25 year old "rodeo racer.”

Brianna - is a 24 year old Entrepreneur from Jersey City! What what, Jersey in the House! She also received the first impression rose from America, owns a beauty company and models and has Caribbean roots.

Kaity - is one of those old looking 27 year olds from Austin Texas. She's an ER nurse who managed to bring up her ex and cheating immediately.

The Universe is speaking to you, Zach.

It's Limo Time and we get to meet more young ladies.

• Jess is a 23 year old from Central Florida who may have been glitter bombed in the limo.
• Ariel is a 28 marketing exec from NYC who whined about her travel drama. I see you, Ariel, I feel you.
• Charity explains that her name “means love.” It does? I thought it meant "charity"
• Davia is a 25 year old marketing manager from Charleston SC who was giving off strong M3GAN vibes.

No, Davia, I do not.

• Gabi is a 25 year old account executive from Vermont! I always root for the obscure location girls and she brought maple syrup but Zach does not appear to eat carbs (he's missing out, TBH).
• Greer who we met earlier brings coffee because its going to be a long night. Barista Greer could be winning me over with this move, and we find out later she wins over Zach as well.
• Viktoria is a 29 year old nanny from Vienna, Austria. Nannies like this only exist on television and men's fantasies.
• Madison Oh, sweet sweet Madison, Thank you for your appearance. She's a 26 year old “business owner” from Fargo, North Dakota. Much more on Madison later. Ooftah.
• Aly is a 26 year old healthcare strategist from Houston, TX.
• Anastasia is a 30 year old content marketing manager from San Diego. You know why Anastasia rules? She rocked a pant suit instead of the dress. Standing out in a good way, Anastasia.
• Cat is a 26 year old dancer from NY with scary eyes big eyes and attitude. 
• Bailey is 27 and "wasn't expecting him to remember my name…” while she was wearing a name tag. READ THAT AGAIN. Did she not think Zach can read? 

• Genevie is a 27 year old neo natal nurse from Baltimore - this makes more sense why she was having him change a baby later. 
• Katherine  is a 26 year old RN from Fla who gives off Gisele vibes. She's going to go far this season. 
• Vanessa is a 23 year old restaurant marketer from Baton Rouge who showed up with a trumpet player. Sad trombone would have been more appropriate.

• Kimberly is a 30 year old hospitality manager from LA. She's just a local girl they need on the show so they have people to get cut. 
• Olivia M is a 25 year old hair stylist from Cincinnati, Ohio. Montgomery Inn, Skyline Chili and Joe Burrow for the win!!!
• Victoria J is a 30 year old make up artist from Fort Worth, Texas - how is that different than Stylist? Do stylists and make up artists overlap? What's different about those jobs. Please help me.
• Kylee is a 25 year old postpartum nurse from Charlotte NC. Lots of nurses and content creator/marketers this season.
• Lekha - "Hey, I barely know ya!" is a 29 year old financial advisor from Miami, Fla. 

Clearly we haven't been working on our material. 

• Holland is a 24 year old insurance marketer from Boca who lasts just long enough to embarrass herself and her family. Congrats?
• Mercedes is a 24 year old non profit case manager and former pig farmer from Bloomfield, Iowa. 
• The Mandrell Daughter shows up on a party bus.
• Sonia is a 29 year old project manager from Long Island.
• Becca is a 25 year old nursing student from Burbank. Confession: the blog has a soft spot for nursing students from California.
• Cara is a 27 year old recruiting coordinator from Pittsburgh, PA.
• Olivia L - is a 24 year old patient care tech from Rochester, NY.

Dugan's Quotes of the Night

1. Jersey City Brianna: “I’m not here for the roses, I’m here for your heart”
2. Bachelor Zach: “I'm Just a dude who loves family, football, and frozen pizza”
3. Bachelor Zach: “I want to kiss you if that’s okay with you?” He did this a few times. Is this another millennial thing that I am unfamiliar with because I'm old? Is this like an informed consent thing? Or is he just awkward and I'm not crazy.
4. Madison in response to "what are you drinking?" "NOT ENOUGH!"
5. Madison: "I just want to be wanted." Just sad and pathetic enough. Art.
6. Cat: "“If I don’t get this rose, I’m burning this house down” 

Drama Ahead

Kaity and the Mandrell Daughter are going to BRING IT this season. Mandrell is wearing the same dress as another girl. Never good. Kaity admits she will get jealous - good thing you are dating a guy with 30 other women simultaneously. She also gets an early kiss.

Live Look at Madison Trying to wedge her way in to the Drama.

Meatball Games

You know a game I've never played but Cat and Zach have? “How many meatballs can you if it in your mouth?”

You ask who lost? America. America lost.

My Kingdom for a Madison

Why we blog.

Thank you, Madison. I was hesitant to return but your performance in the opener made it all make sense. You had your one-on-one time which you described as "electric" which put you on "cloud nine" and its all "so exciting" because "he's so genuine." The cutaways to a disinterested Zach are truly Chef's kiss material. Bravo, Bachelor producers, bravo!

Next level bad.

Determined to get a night one kiss, Madison interrupts his time with another girl and does the worst griddy since Mike Gesicki of the Miami Dolphins. She gets the kiss. Madison's only saving grace was admitting the kiss was terrible. At least she had that minimal amount of self awareness....until the drinks got to her because the self awareness vanished. Madison is dumbstruck when Greer receives the first impression rose. HOW IS SHE SURPRISED? HOW DID SHE THINK WAS GOING TO GET IT? WHAT IS HAPPENING? After the second interruption, Zach has had enough. He let's her off kind of easy, kind of harshly: “Don’t see a future with us but still think you’re awesome.”

Buh Bye.

Rose Time 

We know Brianna and Greer are safe. Joining them will be:

• Mandrell Daughter
• Charity
• Bailey
• Glitter bomb Jess
• Genevie 
• Davia, aka M3GAN 
• Aly 
• Rodeo Brooklyn
• Kaity 
• Anastasia 
• Kylee 
• Gabi
• Katherine aka Gisele
• Mercedes
• Ariel aka Under the Sea
• Nanny Viktoria 
• Kimberly
• Cat gets the final rose and the mansion is saved!

Goodbye to filler and same dress girl, Lekha but barely know ya, and Holland by way of Boca. Until next week and Wags' return.

It's good to be back.

The Bachelor Episode 10: Finale Part 1

Whiskey.  Check.  Ice Cream.  Check.  Neil Lane?  Seems unlikely.  Maybe a producer will be heard in the background saying, "Get Neil NOW!" like the producer in the background said, "Get Chris NOW!" last week.  I can only hope because I don't see a scenario necessitating his appearance right now.  Wait a second.  Maybe that's why Neil Lane showed up during the Live Season Premiere?  It makes too much sense.  

Just drawing some diamond ring designs in my casual black suit.

At the beginning of the episode, Colton is still lost in the forest like a tay in the wind.  

First ever Nell reference on our blog?

Fleiss and Co. were all chasing after him like a search party canvassing for a lost neighborhood dog.  Snickers!  Here Snickers!  Sniiiiiiickers!!!

They all got in vans.  One van went "left" and the other went "right."  Good plan.  I think Neil Land might be more skilled at leading this search party.

Harrison suggested calling the policia.  I'd love to hear that conversation with Harrison explaining to the Portuguese police that they are from a reality dating show and the lead bachelor ran away.  

They finally found Colton.  Colton said he wants to be done with the show completely.  Harrison tried to comfort him by reminding him he has two backup options in Tay Tay and Other Hannah.  Ouch.

After a commercial break, Harrison showed up at Colton's hotel room.  Colton did not leave the show.  Neil Lane is still in play.

Colton described how he's in love with Cassie and no one else.  Harrison dropped the what-if-she's-not-that-into-you?  Colton turned full psychopath and said, "I think she loves me."  I think it was pretty clear from last week that Harrison is correct.  I hope he chases Cassie to Huntington Beach and then Papa Cass (best Dugan nickname) blocks the relationship again.  

First order of business: break up with Tay Tay.  After he broke up with her, he couldn't stop sobbing. Then she started sobbing.  Then I started sobbing because I finished my ice cream.

After skipping all of the in-studio stuff, the episode returned to third wheel Other Hannah.  Colton showed up at her hotel room looking like the grimmest of reapers. 

He broke up with her too because she "doesn't deserve to be anyone's second choice."  Though it sounds like he pulled this line from the last romance novel he read, it's a nice sentiment.  

For as great as last week's episode was, this one has been a real snooze.  Near the end of the episode, Harrison delivered the QOTN: "For the first time ever, there are no women left on the show."  

Until tomorrow, in Huntington Beach.

The Bachelor Episode 9: Fuck all of this.

This show loves hype. It loves to over-hype. Last night's episode was the exact opposite. I don't think they could have hyped this episode enough. They literally destroyed a man on television for America's entertainment. It helps that he's kind of a man-child doofus, but I also think it helps because they have been making women look awful for decades. It was time for payback. 

Lots of Virgin Talk

But about virginity

Before we get to the climax of the episode (see what I did there?), we have to discuss the rest of the boring details. Chris and Colton discuss Colton's willingness to lose his virginity during the fantasy suite dates. It's obvious he has thought about this waaaaay too much. It's also pretty obvious he is not going to kick the tires on all 3 ladies, but is singular in his mindset. We head off to Algarve, Portugal and Colton says the least surprising quote of the night: "I've never been to Europe."

Tay Tay and the Lighthouse

The date begins with a regular Bachelor/ette statement regarding Colton "planning the date" for the two of them. It has never been less believable than said by Colton. I assume Colton only has slip on shoes because laces confuse him. We do get the Bachelor obligatory helicopter date and hearken back to the greatest exit in bachelor history, the ice shelf dagger. They have numerous awkward discussions that touch on Colton's virginity including Portugal's exports of "virgin olive oil", his lack of flexibility "because he's a virgin". During dinner, he is focused primarily on Tay Tay's wardrobe malfunction. 

I am starting to think Colton's virginity may not be randon, surprising, or his choice. Despite spending the night in the fantasy suite, Colton and Tay Tay "didn’t have the physical intimacy [she] would have wanted…” Enough said, Tay Tay, enough said. Colton, if you are reading this blog, that means you didn't have sex.

Did Colton have sex yet?

Teacher Cassie's Fireworks

As this date began, they sped around Portugal countryside in a vintage Mercedes, fed each other in a market, danced in the street and bought matching Pajamas. My bachelor notes literally read as follows: How many times can you blog the word “Ugh!”

The day was going Bachelor/ette perfectly until Cassie's dad was brought up. Point of order! Did you notice that Colton didn't ask the fathers for their blessing but for their permission? More fodder for the "Colton is a big 12 year old" argument. Don't worry, Papa Cass (which incidentally may be my favorite nickname ever) shows up in Portugal to relieve Cassie of her sadness and give his blessing end Colton's life. Papa Cass asks whether she loves Colton: “I think I do.” This was literally the least believable moment on screen since Juliette Lewis apologized to Luke Wilson for the gang bang in Old School.

We, the viewer, knows what's going to happen. We know Cassie is going to deliver the death blow. At the same time, the producers are showing Colton's anticipation level rising. He thinks he's about to lose his virginity and he is getting dumped instead. We cannot look away from the trainwreck happening before us.

When they get together, Cassie is trying to tip toe around the obvious when it finally hits Colton: “Are you planning on leaving tonight…”

I've been dumped. It happens. It sucks. Listen to Chuck and Josh explain the Science of Break-Ups if you want more details on the subject. But the Bachelor/ette is not supposed to get dumped this late in the season. In fact, two Bachelors dumped the girl they picked in the season FINALE prior to the recap show. This cruelty has been happening for years, but the shoe is now on the other foot. Watching him grovel had to feel good for Mrs. Mesnick and Becca. Watching him literally shake felt less good. It did not look like I was watching an adult get dumped. I felt like a freshman got dumped the night before homecoming. He was so emotional. So distraught. So blindsided. How can you be this blindsided when you are literally dating three women at the same time?

Colton's comments:

1. "Did you already made a decision..."
2. "The last thing I’m gonna do is walk away from this relationship…"
3. "I'm willing to to give up the engagement…"
4. "I love you..."
5. "I want a future with you..."
6. "I want it to be you..."

Hey, Colton, let me take these in order as I play Cassie:

1. "Yes."
2. "You do you, boo."
3. "And?"
4. "I'm really, sorry" in the style of Juliette Lewis.
5. "You can watch next season."
6. "See #4."

To sum up the answers, 1-6, Cassie dropped the QOTN: “I feel like staying here is making the wrong decision for me.” Well, that's the most definitive thing she said all year.

Colton's response? “Fuck all of this. I’m done. I’m done with all of this.”

The Bachelor Episode 8: It's Too Late to Apologize

I'm writing this post a day late.  Today I saw a spoiler that the favorite went home, but I have no idea who the favorite is so I remain unspoiled.  My favorite is not going home: whisky and ice cream.

The episode began like all others with Colton in the shower.

Miss Cackalacka in Fredericksburg, VA

They took a really romantic horse drawn carriage and passed by all the sights of Fredericksburg.  Cack's pediatrician's office, a strip mall, and a burger joint.  It's not exactly Central Park.

They met Cack's family at a backyard BBQ.  Cack's sister looked like her but with a crappier makeup artist.

Mamma Cack is not sure if Colton or Cack are ready for this.  Stepdad Cack says it seems like they should just be friends.

Colton asked Stepdad for permission to marry Cack.  Here was his reaction:



Mrs. Wags, watching the show for the second time this season says, "These two don't even know each other.  This is bonkers."

Other Hannah in Birmingham, Alabama

Part of me kind of hopes they run into Hannah Alabama.

Other Hannah said she's going to show Colton "what the South is all about."  Ohhhhh.  Great.

Apparently this meant going to a class to learn manners.  Don't worry Colton, I have you covered:



Colton said the first thing you should do when you sit down is "say grace."  This guy is 10 years old.  I hope he asks permission to be excused after he whines about having to eat his vegetables.

Dinner at Other Hannah's included lots of family and Hannah's mom.



Lunch Lady Mom looked like she was going to vomit over the idea that Hannah might end up with Colton. 

Hannah's dad felt similarly.  When Colton asked his permission, he looked shell shocked and didn't seem like he would be give his permission.  Fleiss and Co. and their bright lights and cameras caused him to cave. 

Mrs. Wags' analysis: "They seem like the most real-life couple." 

Tay Tay in the OC

I miss this show.

Tay Tay surprised Colton with a skydiving trip.  They are both terrified of heights.  Great plan.  Sounds relaxing.

I have never gone skydiving (and don't intend to), but the most terrifying part would have to be flying in that jalopy of an airplane to get up there.

The skydive showed off Colton's male pattern baldness.  Major problems in sectors two and three.  It makes me like him a just a little bit more (but still not that much).

Tay's dad confronted Colton's for saying he was falling in love with her since he's saying the same thing to three other women.   Great point dad.  Colton asked permission to marry Tay Tay.  Permission...denied.  Yes, dad, yes.  

Tay Tay's older brother seemed like a softie, but he said he's going to be in federal law enforcement and hunt Colton down.  I LOVE THIS FAMILY.

Tay's dad gave his permission in the end, but I sure hope he breaks her heart so the older brother can get to work.

Mrs. Wags' analysis of Colton and Tay Tay: "There's no way."

Teacher Cassie in Huntington Beach

Of course, the date started with a surf lesson.  This should go only slightly better than the snowboard lesson last week.

I think I fell asleep for a few minutes while these two were talking to each other.  

Back at the house, Teacher Cassie's family was blond.  That's about it.  

When talking to her dad, Cassie's dad questioned the wisdom of getting engaged at 23.  Cassie delivered the QOTN, "I'm not dumb."  I think she might have said "duh" also, but I am not going to rewind.  There is only going forward.  No backward.  

Cassie's dad said no to giving his blessing and he didn't rescind.  He wins MVP of the episode.

Mrs. Wags' analysis: "Dumb."  After she gave her in-depth analysis, Mrs. Wags went straight to bed.  

Rose Ceremony

Getting a trip to the most boring fantasy suite of all time was:

Other Hannah

Tay Tay

Teacher Cassie

Goodbye Miss North Cackalacka.  You probably deserve better than this guy.

Until next week, when Gov breaks down a heavily previewed fence jump.

The Bachelor Episode 7: Without Notes Edition

Well, I took notes. I thought I emailed myself those notes. Emphasis on thought. I have to say that it was not the most eventful episode. Alas, I'll go from memory in what may be a short post. We are back in the United States with Colton returning home to Denver. After a pep talk from Mrs. Dugan's cousin Ben Higgins, Colton is ready to go. We have 7 girls left before next week’s home towns. That means we are going to have a 43% kill rate this episode. So…somewhat eventful.

As my girl Taylor would sing, are you ready for it?

Tay Tay’s One on One

Speaking of Tay Tay, Tayishia gets the first one-on-one with a day date with Colton. They get ice cream, shop for dinner ingredients and make a meal together at home. What was up with feeding the dog ice cream? Do dogs eat ice cream? Did you notice how much ice cream was left at the time he shared it with the dog? Did he go back to eating it? Did he give the entire thing to the dog? I need more ice cream eating dogs in the show.

Cooking meals with your girlfriend on a reality show is very different than cooking meals with the mother of your children. Flirty flicks of flour v. glares regarding dishes. I could go on and on mostly because Mrs. Dugan does not read the blog but will refrain because discretion is the better part of valor.

Beginning with Tayshia and continuing throughout the episode, Colton is determined to get answers to the most ever-present question on the Bachelor/ette: WHO IS HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS? In the good old days, we would have Kasey get a guard and protect your heart tattoo. For Colton, the right reason is marrying him and starting a family. I imagine the girls may have a different interpretation of “the right reasons.”

Nevertheless, Tay Tay tells on Teacher Cassie and Miss Cackalacka while securing a rose and a visit to her hometown.

Cackalacka’s plays One-on-One Defense

In the history of terrible dates, I think first snowboard experience has to be high on the list. I know a good number of people that snowboard. Their snowboard origin stories are remarkably similar and involve a lot of initial pain and misery. Perhaps Colton is trying to break down Cackalacka before confronting her with Tayshia’s accusations.Fortunately for Cackalacka, she is dating a true moron and Colton will accept any defense offered. Also, the producers need some drama for these remaining episodes. Everyone knows she is staying. She does.

Hannah Alabama Meets the Fam and her Demise

Colton’s Dad looks like if Jason Statham ate Colton. Colton's dad tells him to trust his gut and not listen to any of the girls. Can we just get the cameras to follow Neanderthal Statham and the dog from Tay Tay's date and be done with this boring Bachelor? Hannah Alabama shares her feelings with Colton's mom before their evening date in a FBO hanger. Dugan has eaten in a hanger. When did this become a thing? You know what eating in a hanger makes you think about? Elizabeth Warren. 

I called Hannah Alabama's demise while Mrs. Dugan scoffed. Guess who was right? The guy with the Bachelor blog. She gone.

The Royal Tenenbaums Group Date with Sixpence Heather, Teacher Kassie, Kirpa and the Other Hannah

Whether you know or even appreciate it or not, this show is operating at another level. Wheels within wheels, my friends. Did you notice the homage to the Royal Tenenbaums at the beginning of the group date?  

House from the show.

House from the movie.

Ok, Dugan, you are a crazy conspiracy theorist. But the Wes Anderson appreciation continued with Sixpence Heather exiting via train in a very Darjeelingesque exit. We are left with Kirpa, Teacher Cassie and the Other Hannah. Was there ever a doubt? He went with young Margot and old Margot. Sorry Kirpa. Until next week when hometowns and Tim.

The Bachelor Episode 6:

It's Christmas Eve!  Or, more accurately, Christmas Eve for government employees.  Tomorrow is a holiday.  Oh, you don't get Lincoln's birthday as a holiday in addition to President's Day?  Since I do, I will be sure to have an extra whiskey in your honor.

My four favorite presidents

Back in Thailand, Colton was walking the beach in a suit at night.  It looked really natural.

The Nigerian Nightmare and Camila Cabella continued their debate from last about bullying.  We need the First Lady to settle this.

Rose Ceremony

Joining Hannah Alabama, Sixpence, and Favorite Cassie with roses was

Miss North Cackalaka
Tayshia
Kirpa Band-Aid
Demi
Other Hannah
Katie
Knicks Sydney

Showing maturity for the first time, Colton got rid of the Nigerian Nightmare and Camila Cabella.

The show headed to Vietnam.  For some reason, the ladies felt the need to lightly jog around the new hotel.  It kind of reminds me of when cooking show chefs have to sprint around a kitchen.  I never want to have to sprint around a courtroom because that means something has gone terribly wrong.

Solo Date: Other Hannah

The date started with a couple's massage.  Vietnamese masseuses appear to just wrap you in banana leaves and take off.  Give me the Swedes every day of the week.

Back at the house, Miss Cackalacka criticized Other Hannah for "just getting by on her looks."  That's rich coming from a person that competes with her looks.

By the way, my computer auto-corrected to spell "Cackalacka" the right way.

Other Hannah looks like she's 14.  She sounded like she's 14 when she said, "Opening up is not my jam."

Other Hannah realized her parents were getting a divorce when her mom drove her car over her dad's lawn.  And he loved that lawn.  I am dumber for watching this.

via GIPHY

Other Hannah got a rose.

Group Date: Favorite Cassie, Sixpence, Tayshia, Miss Cackalacka, Katie, Hannah Alabama, Knicks Sydney, and Demi

The women had to do a martial arts fight for Colton's heart.  The best part was the guest judge, the host of Bachelor Vietnam.  Great news: we have a new blog coming out next year.  www.duganandwags.hanoibachelor.com

Not much happened in this group date.  The women started to crumble.  Katie said her biggest fear was being misunderstood.  I'd go with premature death, spoiled half and half,  or breaking my femur, but hey, we all have our things.

Colton's beard bugs me.  It seems like the kind of beard we all grew in college when we wanted to see what it felt like to have a beard.

Knicks Sydney couldn't handle that Colton "never looks at her."  Shocking that a gal used to being stared at by 20,000 fans at Madison Square Garden would need this kind of attention.  The lack of attention drove her to leave the show.  Power move when you know you're getting sent home by the end of the episode.

Tayshia got the date rose.

Solo Date Kirpa Band-Aid

Kirpa Band-Aid seemed like she was not that into Colton.  Or maybe she's just a normal person.  I can't tell.

Later in the evening, Kirpa admitted that she was engaged to a guy she had been with for eight years. Like Colton, this dude was a virgin.  All these 20-something virgins.  Maybe it's for real.

Kirpa got a date rose.

Colton's Hotel Room

Demi popped snuck over to Colton's room.  She pointed to the bed and asked, "Is this where you sleep?"  Hey, look at that coffee maker, "Is that where you make coffee?"

Is this where you go to the bathroom?

Her plan completely backfired, and Colton sent her home.  He couldn't see himself with her in the end.  He only has space in his heart for one blonde that looks like she's 14.  

Rose Ceremony

Joining Kirpa, Tayshia, and the Other Hannah with roses was

Hannah Alabama
Miss Cackalacka
Favorite Cassie
Sixpence

Katie left while dropping a bomb on Colton, "You have a great group of girls in there; some are ready, some are not."  Best of luck figuring it out, Colton!

The Bachelor Episode 5: We Ain’t Got Time for That

Sorry loyal readers, but Dugan and I have a lot going on right now.  Until this blog starts paying us more than $0/year, we may just decide to take a week (or season) off.

Here’s a 10 cent summary of the episode:

The girl that is lying about never being kissed got kissed.

AK Elyse mentally crumbled and broke up with Colton. She said she couldn’t accept a proposal after a few weeks. They must not get television in Alaska/Arkansas because that’s the premise of the show.

Kirpa had a major band-aid on her chin. No one said anything about it.

Camila Cabella Nicole was unfairly framed as being on the show to “get out of
Miami.”  No offense (yes, offense) to all the other podunk hometowns on this show, but this story was obviously fake from the get go. Leave Miami to go where?  One of America’s many Polar Vortex towns?  I don’t think so.

The fight continued between Camila and Onyeka the Nightmare at the Rose Ceremony pre-party. It was a lot of yelling and I feel dumber for having listened to it.

To be continued!!!