The Bachelor Episode 5: Late and Short

As some of our faithful readers know, there have been some big changes in life for your blog authors which have derailed our usual, timely performance. Please stick with us and we will get back on track. Before I waste more of your time, let's get to the long, overdue recap:

You know why Mexico is a great country? Miguel Herrera. Enough said.

Mom Amanda with the first One-on-One

Newscaster Olivia breaks the story that Mom Amanda is, in fact, a mom. "She has children...I don't think that's what Ben wants." Olivia has found a receptive audience with shit talking Lauren Harbaugh. Harbaugh his a history of shit talking against fellow girls having already taken on GI Jubilee and now she setting her sights on the single mom.

A hot air balloon leads to a formal dinner where Mom Amanda breaks down her baby past. She was married when the oldest was six months old and baby daddy sounds like a louse. I bet baby daddy doesn't know what a "louse" is. This sob story from Mom Amanda guarantees a rose and it's time for the group date. 

Top Cocinero with GI Jubilee, Hugs Becca, JoJo Trump, Software Caila, Thing Emily, LB, Ft. Laudy Jen, Hut Hut Leah, and Newscaster Olivia

The girls need to cook recipes in Spanish and are broken up in teams of two. 

• Thing Emily is a blog favorite but her Spanish is pretty poor. 
• GI Jubilee is called "Jubes" by the girls and I laugh every time they say it. 
• Jubes is unsettled in the group atmosphere. 
• As far as the newscaster, I am reading my notes a week later and all I see is "Olivia = crazy." That about sums this cooking date up. 

Night time party with a quick recap

• Olivia with a  quick grab (surprising no one)
• Jubilee isn’t liking him walk away with other girls and is starting to break down.
• LB getting a lot of one on one time and the girls notice,
• Jubilee calling out the "LBs, JoJos, Beccas…."

And like that...she's gone.

You really need a spouse when blogging the bachelor. It helps answer a lot of initial questions and Mrs. Dugan picks up the details that I miss. Ben is bending. He appears in tars. “IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS? DO WE HAVE A MESNICK?”

Mrs. Dugan: “No, he’s sitting.”

Mrs. Dugan with the save. We can't be throwing around false Mesnicks on the finest Bachelor blog in the business. JoJo offers Ben consolation but Olivia gets the producer’s rose and the girls are beginning to get caught in the Fleiss & Co. web.

Lauren Harbaugh's Fashion Date

I do love that Lauren H. has been named after coach Harbaugh since she's from Ann Arbor, Michigan and her last name starts with H. That's enough for us. Really. Obviously. Coach Harbaugh is known for his preferred choice of Docker's Khakis. I wouldn't take fashion tips from anyone on this date. The day fashion show turns into an evening dinner where Harbaugh tries to bring the sob story. She moved across the country for a boyfriend who cheated on her with her friends = rose.

Rose CeremonyWe are at the rose ceremony and GI Jubilee is already gone. Mom Amanda, Newscaster Olivia, and Lauren Harbaugh have roses and are safe. The best part of the ceremony came when Mom Amanda was discussing her kids and their schedule while she's on the show. Newscaster Olivia believed it was appropriate to say the following: “I feel like its an episode of Teen Mom that I watch”

It wasn't. Mom Amanda turned into grizzly mom: "I’m an adult. I have my shit together”

Olivia begins to bully The Thing and we are continued until next week...or tonight.