On to the show. We are now three for three on Sean working out to start an episode. It also marks three straight times that he's worked out without a shirt.
Date #1: Lesley Abramoff
Possibly one of the more intelligent contestants ever, Lesley Abramoff is off to visit the Guinness Book of World Records. Maybe Sean will destroy an exhibit, blame it on Abramoff, and then see if she cries? That seems to work as a dating device.
Apparently, Sean's dad set the world record for driving in all the contiguous 48 states in 97 hours, 7 minutes. Hope the winner of the show likes road trips with Sean's family!
Sean, proving he has daddy issues, wants to set his own Guinness record. Sean and Abramoff will kiss for the longest time on television. I was thinking the next hour would be spent in a lip lock. The record is only 3 minutes and 15 seconds. What!? Mrs. Wags now wants to set the record for the longest viewer kiss while watching ABC's hit romantic reality show, The Bachelor. I'll be contacting Guinness to arrange an official judge to come out to San Francisco. In the meantime, I'll just try to eat as much ice cream as possible during this episode.
During the record setting kiss, it became clear to us that Lesley Abramoff looks like a cross between Tara Reid and the weird German-Austrian female writer on 30 Rock.
The date continued onto a rooftop. You are not dating on the Bachelor unless you are dining on the top of a skyscraper. (Ombudsman Mrs. Wags made a great point that they don't have to compete with crowds on skyscraper rooftops). The more I type the word skyscraper, the more I'm falling in love with the word.
Abramoff got a rose and then declared that she's falling in love. Contestants are saying that they are falling in love earlier than ever.
Date #2: Kacie B, Robyn, Leslie H., Kristy, Lennay Kekua, Say Yes to the Des, Taryn, Amanda, Lindsay, Daniella, Jackie, and Tierra
This date has it all: nicknames, ambiguous ethnicities, and villains.
The date started out as a simple game of do-not-break-your-nose-football, but quickly turned into a game of volleyball to continue on the date. Needless to say, there were a couple famous volleyball games that this brought to mind:
And...
The losing team included Kristy the Model. As the other team (literally) popped champagne like they are the 2010 or 2012 San Francisco Giants, Kristy cried like the losing team in a Little League World Series game. Lennay deserves most of the blame for the loss though. She played like she wasn't even there.
On the dinner date, Say Yes to the Des (poor man's Katie Holmes? next bachelorette?) got irked about Amanda acting differently around the women than around Sean. Kacie B., feeling overconfident in her comfort level with Sean, decided to report that Say Yes to the Des and Amanda are having problems with one another. Sean appropriately questioned why Kacie B. involved herself. Kacie B. recoiled as Sean told Kacie B. that she seemed like a "crazy person."
Lindsay got the date rose. Kacie B. is now skating on thin ice.
Date #3: AshLee Top 3
Before the date could start, viewers could hear the sound of Tierra's head hitting every staircase in the Bachelor mansion. Tierra's fall happened a few suspicious seconds before Sean arrived. Sean understood the seriousness because he has also "had a few concussions."
AshLee finally got to go on her date. Sean/ABC rented out Six Flags for just them. Is it safe for a guy that's had a few concussions to go on roller coasters?
The next date surprise was to bring a couple seriously ill teens to go around the park with them. Is it safe for chronically ill kids to go on roller coasters?
Turns out both of the teens have a disease that causes constant pain and fatigue. I'm really thinking going to the movies might be a better idea than the roller coasters.
The date, while a nice concept, morphed into Sean and AshLee chaperoning two teenage girls all day. Deep down, I'll bet she wished they could have gone somewhere in a helicopter.
The date continued with a private concert from Sean's "favorite band," the Eli Young Band. The Eli Young Band? Are these guys popular? This is testing my country music knowledge, and I am failing miserably.
Ice cream eating record update: I might not set the record, but it's been worth it to try. Next week: who can set the record for the most glasses of champagne during an episode of the Bachelor!?
Back on the show, AshLee told her story of meeting her Dad (she was adopted at age 6). Sean cried. AshLee got the rose. I'm feeling pretty good about the Top 3 prediction.
Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony
Sean surprised Righty by bringing her french bulldog, Leo, to surprise her. Mrs. Wags got envious of Leo, so she went to make out with our french bulldog. I wish I was kidding:
Before giving out the first rose, Sean pulled Kacie B. aside. It turned out that Sean "had too much respect for her" to ditch her in a rose ceremony. I cannot wait to see which women he has less respect for.
Along with AshLee Top 3, Lindsay, and Abramoff, the following women will be competing for Sean's heart next week: Tierra, Leslie H., Lennay Kekua, Daniella, Robyn, Selma Heyek, Righty, Jackie, Amanda, and Say Yes to the Dressire (Mrs. Wags just pointed out that this makes more sense. From now on, I will defer all Say Yes to the Dress jokes to her).
Goodbye Taryn. Not sure who you were. And goodbye Kristy the Model. Now only one (fit) model remains.
Until next week, with fast cars, fast planes, and fast roller skates.
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Wow. What an effort. 4 hours of bachelor blogging, a blog poll, and video of Mrs. Wags. I really feel like I need to step up my game next week.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing I have to say, how much better do nicknames make the show? If you told me "Catherine" ruined the volleyball game, I would have no idea who you are talking about. The second you wrote "Lennay Kekua," I knew exactly who you were talking about. Same with...just about every one of them. Nicknames are vital. And just as you wrote above, some women just tend to get them more easily than others. Say Yes to the Dressire does have a little Katie Holmes in her.
So, Say Yes to the Des, if you are reading this blog, BE VERY CAREFUL if you see Tom Cruise. Run like you are a fucking fit model. Get out of there.
Other comments. I fear calling Leslie "Abramoff" is a stain on her character because the Dugans actually like her. But I also think she would probably look good in a fedora so we can go with it for now until a better nickname emerges.
Also had very similar thoughts about the sick kids on roller coasters. There isn't an aquarium around?
Until next week when I will remember to put in labels.
Oh, I also had ice cream watching the episode.
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