The Bachelor Episode Seis: Juan Love

Hello fans and friends. Dugan's back! Let's take a break from ice cream and Scotch to enjoy some red wine and kisses.

*Additional Hershey's kisses were harmed
during the watching of tonight's episode.

We are leaving Vietnam and landing in stunningly beautiful Taupo, New Zealand, a town on the shore of Lake Taupo. While about 16,000 women live in Taupo, JP is left with 2,000 times fewer, or 8 for the math challenged.

For an otherwise average episode, the single cutest moment on Bachelor/ette history happened during a return from commercial break. See the video evidence here...

Andy's One-on-One.

Dugan's DVR was acting up and the Canes were looking for a solid 3rd ACC win of the season so I missed the date card and a lot of dialogue on this date, but I'll run down my highlights as I saw them...

• The use of cheesy references to volcanoes and dating pressure began
• This theme would be re-hashed by others.
• They got on a jet boat as if they were on the Amazing Race
• Mrs. Dugan notes Andy is wearing white pants and thus "DTF"
• I looked at Mrs. Dugan wondering when the mother of my children graduated from a frat.
• I am supposed to be the immature one. NOT FAIR!
• The jet boat slowed down eventually letting them off the boat into a chilly gorge with ever narrowing walls.
• If this was a horror movie, you would have been screaming at the character to turn around at this point in the date.
• Growing up in Florida, I have limited gorge experience. But a trip to Oregon brought me to the Columbia River George where I tripped and leaned into my brother causing him to fall into the water. No big deal except for his broken hand that was in a cast. And this was the 80s. No fancy soft cast that can get wet. So that thing basically became immobile gangrene. 

But I digress. Back to the date and a romantic waterfall is followed by a night eating dinner by the Tauro geysers. Ok, this is becoming Dugan vacation time machine, but I also was lucky enough to travel to Old Faithful as a child. Even sporting my sweet UNC basketball hat as every 13 year old boy is required to do, I knew that geysers are not the least bit romantic. They smell. Bad. Like what? Like the picture below.

Trust me when I said the date was going to be a disaster before the geyser erupted on them. Nevertheless, Abbie Carmichael receives the ruling she was looking for and the rose.

Most Extreme Elimination Challenge Date
Pavarotti, Teacher Chelsie, Mama Renee, Nurse Nikki, Kat, and 8 Mile go on the MXC of Bachelor/ette dates. I know Fleiss & Co. and ABC would prefer WWT refer to this as the "Wipeout" of dates, but MXC is vastly superior in every way, much like the Bachelor/ette to its copycats.

The girls and JP OGO down the hill all the way to their evening in Hobbiton. I am guessing Hobbiton is the single highest rated attraction in the world. The only people that would go to Hobbiton are the insufferable LOTR fans and they undoubtedly would rate any such attraction as the greatest place on earth.  I think I am getting ornery that my chocolate kisses have run out so let's continue with the recap...

• Pavarotti and Kat are pumped about Hobbiton. Ugh.
• 8 Mile wants a one-on-one and a rose for her 22nd birthday.
• Renee has moved solidly out of the friend zone.
• Pavarotti continues to doubt herself and the process
• Pavarotti's doubts turn into a rose and 8 Mile's longing earns her a long trip home.

*The post show clip included highlights from a sheep poo flinging contest. I am really starting to believe this group date was a bizzaro MXC episode.

What MXC challenge would you most like to see Bachelor/ette contestants perform?

Has to be sinkers and floaters slightly
over rotating surfboard of death

Claire wants an apology one-on-one

JP upset Vidal Sassoon last week when he questioned their late night escapade. In a pretty bold question, Vidal drops my quote of the night: "What are our boundaries?”

BOOM. Are we sure this is still just about swimming?

And for those scoring this date at home.
A. Kissing in the water = bad.
B. Kissing by the water = good to go.

Later in the evening, Vidal drops the runner up for quote of the night, "If there is any kind of conflict…I bolt.” While her honesty is refreshing, I'm pretty sure there is going to be conflict in any relationship and co-parenting situation. Life isn't all geyser dates and sheep poo flinging. Vidal still secures the rose.

Rose Ceremony Time

• 7 Girls remain after 8 Mile's mid episode passing. 
• 3 are secure - Abbie, Pavarotti and Vidal.
• One of Kat, Nurse Nikki, Mama Renee, or Teacher Chelsea will be joining 8 Mile.
• Nurse Nikki and Mama appear safe and it comes down to weak nickname v. no nickname. 
• Kat goes home but those of us at WWT know she is on to bigger and better things.

It's becoming time to wonder who is the next Bachelorette? Abbie Carmichael has to be the favorite. Would she be willing to end her career as a gang prosecutor? What happens if JP wants her? Will it be Fleiss v. JP until the bitter end?

Until next week in the Magic City with a Pavarotti swandive and what appears to be...a Mesnik.

The Bachelor: Juan Love

Thanks to our fans for your patience. The winter Bachelor/ette premier conflicts with the National Title game and pushes the blog back a day or two. But don't fret. WWT is here are excited to bring you the best recaps available. The show offered a glimpse into the upcoming season including dolphins, seaplanes, snowcapped mountains AND DRAMA (duh!). Actually, the scenery looked stunning as they have reallocated the liquor budget due to Juan Pablo's teetotalism.

And tears. Lots of tears.

Juan Pablo explains to the girls and viewers that this is the "Real Deal" and he's here to find a wife and mother to his daughter, Camila. 

JP History 

Juan Pablo was born in New York, raised in Venezuela and lives in Miami. Life in Miami includes working at Marlins Park, a very nice modern stadium for a bad team with worse fans. When he was a contestant on Say Yes to the Des's season, Juan Pablo worked in the music industry. Not sure what prompted the career change but any episode of the Bachelor that includes Juan Pierre is a good episode of the Bachelor.

Juan Pablo's daughter was born on Valentine's day, 2009, making her about a year older than the oldest Dugan child. Juan Pablo has wisely taken the high road when it comes to discussing the end of his relationship with Camila's mother. Camila will obvioulsy play a large role in the show while in LA and Juan Pablo is being helped by Abuelo y Abuela. 

Juan solicits some more help from previous Bachelor Sean. As faithful readers know, my favorite moments come during the unintentional comedy this show provides. Sean dropped a gem early on: "At the mansion with the limo is when it all becomes real." Let's say that again. When does it "get real?" "At the mansion with the limo." Oh. Ok. 

Sean was a pretty likable Bachelor, but Juan Pablo is making up ground quickly. He wasn't afraid to discuss a funny flaw that I share - he's horrible with names. While dating 27 different women. Fantastic. A little later we'll learn he's not as bad as others. But this season's blog will be more about the women than Juan Pablo...so without further adieu.

Let's Meet the Women

Chris Harrison always introduces us to a few of the women early on and tonight is no exception.

• Chelsie is a 24 yr old from Columbus, O-H-I-O, who is learning Spanish to impress Juan Pablo. All I have to say is Hang on Chelsie, Chelsie Hang on.
• Mama Renee is a 32 yr old single mother from Sarasota, Florida. (Quick note. Your author is from Florida and never has any clue whether the cities in Florida are on the east or west coast of the State. I need to repeat 4th grade.) I would have guessed she was 42 since since she likes to rollerblade. Do any other 32 year olds rollerblade? Does ANYONE rollerblade?
• Andi is a 24 year old Assistant District Attorney prosecuting gangs in the ATL. She will now be known as Abbie Carmichael.

• Amy, aka Bangs, is a 31 yr old massage therapist. Bangs believes she's an artist when it comes to the human body, and none of the men she has dated enjoy her massages. That is either damning dating or career information. 
• Nurse Nikki is a 26 yr old pediatriuc nurse who has a sweet bird tattoo that she most likely regrets.
• Lauren, aka Calamity Jane, is the oldist looking 25 yr old I have ever seen from Oklahoma. As she constantly reminds us during the episode, Calamity Jane hasn't had the easiest life, having recently been dumped by a single father fiance. Oh, and she's totally over that despite bringing it up about 3 times in 5 minutes.
• Valerie is a 26 yr old personal trainer and rougher/tougher version of Abbie Carmichael and Nanny Ally (we'll meet her later). These three look way too similar and one or more will have to go or confusion and chaos will reign.
• Lacy is just your regular 25 yr old nursing home owner who opened her first elderly care facility at 20 years old.
• Clare "Vidal Sassoon or Paul Mitchell?" is a 32 yr old hairstylist from Sacramento. She's also the rarest of birds, a blonde Mexican carrying a DVD from her deceased father to be viewed only by her future husband. RUN, JUAN PABLO. DON'T WALK. RUN.

The sneak peak of the women shows some potential for crazy and Mrs. Dugan and I cannot wait to catch the limo entrances. 

Limo 1

• Amy Local is a 27 yr old local news anchor from Orlando. Did you say local news?
• Cassandra is a 21 yr old former nba dancer from 8 mile with one of the most awkward meetings in Bachelor/ette history. "Uh, nice meeting you." How can you be "fomer" anything at 21?
• Christie is a 24 yr old Marketing Manager from Chicago
• Christine is a 23 yr old Police support specialist. Is that a euphemism for dispatcher? And what's wrong with being a dispatcher?
• We met Nurse Nikki earlier and she brought a stethoscope and offered her heart as a test of her nervousness.

Limo 2

• Kat is a 29 yr old in Medical Sales from Scottsdale. Kat's a dancer and, according to Juan Pablo, "smells good, very good."
• Chantal is a 24 yr old account manager from San Diego
• Victoria is a 24 yr old legal assistant Mrs. Dugan would never let me hire from Boca
• Lucy, aka "Happy Camper" is a 24 yr old "Free Spirit" from Santa Barbara who didn't sport shoes
• Danielle is a 25 yr old Psychiatric Nurse from St. Louis. I would keep a Psychiatric Nurse around with this crowd.
• Lauren, aka "Mozart," is a 26 yr old composer. She showed up in a Piano Bike and messed up. If you are going to rock the piano bike, don't mess up.

Limos 3, 4 and 5

• Chelsie the Science teacher from Columbus drops a sweet "Chemistry" joke but I do like corny.
• Valerie rocks the boots with the dress to show she's the rougher/tougher version of Abbie Carmichael and/or Nanny Alli.
• Elise is a 27 yr old First Grade Teacher from Forty Fort, PA. I wonder if dads volunteer at high rates for her class projects.
• Ashley has big Jackie O hair and is a Teacher from Dallas. Ashley and Calamity Jane will play Mahjong later to determine who is the older looking 25 yr old. 
• "Vidal Sassoon" Clare
• Nanny Alli is a 26 yr old from Chicago who brings out the soccer ball
• Bangs is the crazy 31 yr old Massage Therapist from LA  
• Mama Renee is the 32 yr old real estate agent and seems to have genuine chemistry (take note, Chelsie Pal the Science Gal) with Juan Pablo.
• Calamity Jane is the old 25 yr old Mineral Coordinator from Oklahoma City. Just imagine this conversation in your life:
• What do you do for a living? "I coordinate minerals." Oh, ok.
• Mrs. Dugan pipes in: "She's not going to age well."
• Maggie's a 24 year old Personal Banker from North Augusta, also known as Aiken.
• Kelly's a 27 yr old Dog Lover who brought her dog. Her "occupation" is fucking dog lover. She gets lost walking into the mansion and I guarantee she hung out with "Happy Camper" when she walked in there.
• Lacy is the 25 yr old Nursing Home Owner from La Jolla
• Alexis is a 24 yr old Communications Director from Tampa
• "Galllaudet" Kylie is a 23 yr old interior designer from Rockford, IL
• "Pavarotti" Sharleen is a 29 yr old Opera Singer from Ottawa living in Germany
• Abbie Carmichael comes out last but has to be a favorite to go far.

First Impressions

• It's a fairly attractive group
• A "Free Spirit" and "Dog Lover"…interesting
• Bird Tat Nurse Nikki seems to have a good connection early on
• Mom Renee is going to play the mom card as much as she can
• Free Spirit is going to annoy me and the other girls
• Fleiss and Co. had to consider using a producers rose on Bangs just for the crazy factor
• Bangs brought another gem of a quote when discussing Juan Pablo. "He's beautiful. We have a lot in common."
• How many kids does Chelsie want to have? ALL OF THEM.
• Calamity Jane is coming apart at the seems.
• We have tears. Calamity Jane is crying.
• Pavarotti gets the first impression rose, but doesn’t want it.
• Juan Pablo's going to have to earn Pavarotti's affection.       
• Nurse Nicki, Teacher Elise, and Gallaudet Kylie are pissed regarding Pavarotti's hogging the only rose.

It's Rose Ceremony Time and we know Pavarotti is safe.

• Vidal Sasson
• Nursi Nikki
• Mama Renee
• Abbie Carmichael
• Nanny Alli
• Chantal 
• Mozart
• Dog Lover Kelly
• 8 Mile Cassandra
• Psych Nurse Danielle
• Science Chelsie
• Gallaudet Kylie...

• It was Kat but Gallaudet thought she heard her name. That's embarrassing but only bad if you don't get one of the five roses left...
• Legal Assistant Victoria 
• Christie
• Happy Camper
• Teacher Elise
• Amy Local

Who's going home?

• Bangs
• Calamity Jane
• Valerie was a little too rough/tough compared to her doppelgängers.
• Dallas Teacher Jackie O
• Gallaudet Kylie. OUCH.
• Christine

Highlights for the upcoming season?

Drama.

Until Next week when Wags is here to take these nicknames and run with/improve them.