The Bacherlorette: The Doublemint Episodes Are Over? Or Not.

We have eliminated Britt but the Bachelorette hasn’t officially become the Kaitlyn show just yet. We still have the Brady situation to deal with. Britt’s emotional call to mom was immediately followed by Brady’s visit. It’s incredibly fortunate that a camera crew was there to capture the moment. And the rest of the episode showed brief glimpses of the budding Brady/Britt romance. It’s odd that by failing to become the Bachelorette, Britt has a much better chance of a normal relationship. Sadly, it’s with a former baseball player turned singer. Which coincidentally significantly lowers your chance for a normal relationship.

Anyways, back to Kaitlyn’s search for true love.

Bachelorette Boxing

• Fashion Designer Daniel
• Justin
• Chris Quinn Jared
• One of the Two Coreys
• Tanner Dog
• King Kupah
• Role Models Ben
• Trainer Ben

Laila Ali impresses the guys and gives them some tips. Here’s the training highlights:

• Trainer Ben is a monster and I fear for anyone stepping into the ring with him.
• Role Models Ben breaks a window jumping rope and shows he has no chance.
• King Kupah spends more time with a rugged trainer than Kaitlyn.
• Kaitlyn’s offered up a QOTN nominee: “I forgot he was even on this date”
• Tanner Dog, while concerned about his face, is also worried his first ever fight is happening on national television. 
• Do you think fights happen less often today? 
• I know they happened more frequently in the 60s and I have evidence.

 Final Thoughts

• After scrappy Chris Quinn Jared tells Trainer Ben not to take it easy on him, Trainer Ben obliges. It was ugly and CQJ went to the hospital.
• CQJ still managed some one on one time and a kiss. Side note – You should not feel special if this Bachelorette kisses you.
• CQJ reads the cue cards: “My head may hurt, but my heart never felt better.” Gag.
• Trainer Ben deservedly gets the rose.

This took far too long to create.

Underwater Thor

Thor gets the year’s first one-on-one and here’s what we need to know about the date:

• He’s an architectural engineer from Chicago.
• He gave the Chris Harrison Triceratops
• After meeting the photographer, he gets a little handsy. I asked Mrs. Dugan if I saw what I thought I saw.

I did. I did.

• Kaitlyn is a nose holder when jumping into the water.
• Rose Secured

Stand-Up Bachelor Men

• Federal Prisoner JJ
• Detroit Jonathan
• Welder Josh
• Dr. Harris DDS
• Hit n Run Ian
• American Pharaoh
• The Dude

There isn’t much to say about the performances other than comedienne Amy Schumer taking apart JJ.

JJ and The Dude

There’s a story developing throughout the episode pitting the Federal Prisoner JJ against The Dude. We have the over-confident villain and the healing preacher. JJ gives updates why he is better than all the guys. The Dude gives a soliloquy on love. He also calls Kaitlyn “Britt” so this love doctor better learn the girl’s name or he isn’t going to last long. JJ and The Dude reminds me of BJ and the Bear. I don’t know why, but I do know that Photoshop would only ruin this masterpiece.

Date highlights

• The Dude’s stand-up performance was bizarre.
• Federal Prisoner JJ’s review: “I couldn’t even hear him because my own brain is shutting down.”
• Welder drops a QOTN nominee: “I’m a love virgin.” Damn, these guys practiced their lines tonight. He’s obviously HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.
• The Dude refuses to be lapped in the cheesy line off: “I’m not here for her. I’m here for us.”
• There are so many quotes coming out of The Dude that I simply can’t/refuse to list them. He’s approaching Hippie Guard and Protect Your Heart territory.
• Confident Federal Prisoner JJ turns into Prescient JJ and gets the rose.

Rose Ceremony Party

Federal Prisoner JJ, Trainer Ben and Thor are safe and the guys agree to give those without a date some time with the Bachelorette. Fed Prisoner JJ grabs her first instead cementing the villain role.

King Kupah is concerned things aren’t moving fast enough and doesn’t want to be a token cast member here for his race. When confronting Kaitlyn, she gently reminds him that he was the only guy that didn’t come up to her during training for the boxing group date. Knocked on his heels, King Kupah never recovers and a meltdown ensues. Before becoming fully engulfed, he delivers my QOTN: “I don’t want to go home. I think you’re hot.”

The King Kupah tire fire continues next week.

The Bachelor Episode Seis: Juan Love

Hello fans and friends. Dugan's back! Let's take a break from ice cream and Scotch to enjoy some red wine and kisses.

*Additional Hershey's kisses were harmed
during the watching of tonight's episode.

We are leaving Vietnam and landing in stunningly beautiful Taupo, New Zealand, a town on the shore of Lake Taupo. While about 16,000 women live in Taupo, JP is left with 2,000 times fewer, or 8 for the math challenged.

For an otherwise average episode, the single cutest moment on Bachelor/ette history happened during a return from commercial break. See the video evidence here...

Andy's One-on-One.

Dugan's DVR was acting up and the Canes were looking for a solid 3rd ACC win of the season so I missed the date card and a lot of dialogue on this date, but I'll run down my highlights as I saw them...

• The use of cheesy references to volcanoes and dating pressure began
• This theme would be re-hashed by others.
• They got on a jet boat as if they were on the Amazing Race
• Mrs. Dugan notes Andy is wearing white pants and thus "DTF"
• I looked at Mrs. Dugan wondering when the mother of my children graduated from a frat.
• I am supposed to be the immature one. NOT FAIR!
• The jet boat slowed down eventually letting them off the boat into a chilly gorge with ever narrowing walls.
• If this was a horror movie, you would have been screaming at the character to turn around at this point in the date.
• Growing up in Florida, I have limited gorge experience. But a trip to Oregon brought me to the Columbia River George where I tripped and leaned into my brother causing him to fall into the water. No big deal except for his broken hand that was in a cast. And this was the 80s. No fancy soft cast that can get wet. So that thing basically became immobile gangrene. 

But I digress. Back to the date and a romantic waterfall is followed by a night eating dinner by the Tauro geysers. Ok, this is becoming Dugan vacation time machine, but I also was lucky enough to travel to Old Faithful as a child. Even sporting my sweet UNC basketball hat as every 13 year old boy is required to do, I knew that geysers are not the least bit romantic. They smell. Bad. Like what? Like the picture below.

Trust me when I said the date was going to be a disaster before the geyser erupted on them. Nevertheless, Abbie Carmichael receives the ruling she was looking for and the rose.

Most Extreme Elimination Challenge Date
Pavarotti, Teacher Chelsie, Mama Renee, Nurse Nikki, Kat, and 8 Mile go on the MXC of Bachelor/ette dates. I know Fleiss & Co. and ABC would prefer WWT refer to this as the "Wipeout" of dates, but MXC is vastly superior in every way, much like the Bachelor/ette to its copycats.

The girls and JP OGO down the hill all the way to their evening in Hobbiton. I am guessing Hobbiton is the single highest rated attraction in the world. The only people that would go to Hobbiton are the insufferable LOTR fans and they undoubtedly would rate any such attraction as the greatest place on earth.  I think I am getting ornery that my chocolate kisses have run out so let's continue with the recap...

• Pavarotti and Kat are pumped about Hobbiton. Ugh.
• 8 Mile wants a one-on-one and a rose for her 22nd birthday.
• Renee has moved solidly out of the friend zone.
• Pavarotti continues to doubt herself and the process
• Pavarotti's doubts turn into a rose and 8 Mile's longing earns her a long trip home.

*The post show clip included highlights from a sheep poo flinging contest. I am really starting to believe this group date was a bizzaro MXC episode.

What MXC challenge would you most like to see Bachelor/ette contestants perform?

Has to be sinkers and floaters slightly
over rotating surfboard of death

Claire wants an apology one-on-one

JP upset Vidal Sassoon last week when he questioned their late night escapade. In a pretty bold question, Vidal drops my quote of the night: "What are our boundaries?”

BOOM. Are we sure this is still just about swimming?

And for those scoring this date at home.
A. Kissing in the water = bad.
B. Kissing by the water = good to go.

Later in the evening, Vidal drops the runner up for quote of the night, "If there is any kind of conflict…I bolt.” While her honesty is refreshing, I'm pretty sure there is going to be conflict in any relationship and co-parenting situation. Life isn't all geyser dates and sheep poo flinging. Vidal still secures the rose.

Rose Ceremony Time

• 7 Girls remain after 8 Mile's mid episode passing. 
• 3 are secure - Abbie, Pavarotti and Vidal.
• One of Kat, Nurse Nikki, Mama Renee, or Teacher Chelsea will be joining 8 Mile.
• Nurse Nikki and Mama appear safe and it comes down to weak nickname v. no nickname. 
• Kat goes home but those of us at WWT know she is on to bigger and better things.

It's becoming time to wonder who is the next Bachelorette? Abbie Carmichael has to be the favorite. Would she be willing to end her career as a gang prosecutor? What happens if JP wants her? Will it be Fleiss v. JP until the bitter end?

Until next week in the Magic City with a Pavarotti swandive and what appears to be...a Mesnik.

The Bachelorette Episode 6: Bentley's Revenge

Before we dive right into the Bentley drama, a few WWT notes:

• Dugan thanks you for your patience with the late recap
• Dugan did not get around to watching last week's episode, but I think a week off was good for the soul
• In the words of twitter, lehhhh go.
• This blog is heavy on youtube videos this week 

Return of the Mack

Bentley is still weighing on Ashley's mind as the episode opens. Harrison knows he has to do something to move Ashley and this season along as the Dental student explains, "part of my heart is still with Bentley in the United States."

Only Bentley isn't in the United States, Fleiss & Co. have flown the Mack to the Conrad Hotel* in Hong Kong for some closure with Ashley. Ashley explains her feelings linger because Bentley ended things with "dot...dot...dot..." 

*Which one of these is not like the other?  I'm looking at you, Hoosier State.

Harrison needs to put an end to the roadblock that is Bentley.

If you grew up in the 80's, I hope you feel where Dugan is going with this. But Ashley's reaction when hearing Bentley was in the hotel was AWESOME. Ashley needed a moment. The Dental Student put her hand to her chest. She was literally verklempt.

Harrison hands Ashley a card with Bentley's room number on it . . . 4315. Ashley stares at the card and longingly in the distance as if hearkening back to another 80's tradition: the training montage.

I promise this is my last 80's comment of the blog this week, but is Ashley wearing shoulder pads? Ashley doesn't know where to begin and it's getting awkward to watch. Ashley says something about the dot...dot...dot. Then, she says that Bentley should be a man and give her a period. What??? I am way confused. Despite Dugan's confusion, Ashley gets her period.

Lucas Oil's One on One

Lucas begins the date admitting he's never been to New York, doesn't travel much and likes to fish. *Dugan's thinking this looks like a one-on-one date with no rose in its future. After enjoying the neon and street food, Lucas Oil and the Dentist go sailing

Lucas offers up the Dugan "Quote of the Night" in response to Ashley's poignant question whether she is the type of girl he regularly dates: "NO! You're confidant." These little, hysterical revelations are what keeps Dugan coming back for more Fleiss & Co. Don't worry, Lucas Oil drops some more gems and his unintentional comedy should garner him some more one on one time.

When asked to accept the rose, the country bumpkin blurted, "Yes ma’am, I will.” He could have said "golly gee willikers" for all I care. Next, Lucas commits a fatal flaw asking for a kiss, then following it with "do you mind." *Dugan doesn't often offer love advice, but asking for the kiss is 6th grade material.* However, Lucas Oil strikes black gold and gets the rose.

Bare Midriff Boat Racing  

It's no Fisher Hall Regatta but the Group Date is split into three groups with Greek Groban and the Winemaker taking on The Only Dentist on the Show and Solar Vienna taking on El Douche and Chef Mickey. The Bachelorette turns Amazing Race as the men must also roam Hong Kong for volunteers to join their dragon boats. While generally uninteresting, I did enjoy Winemaker Ben and Greek Groban recruiting women and admitting while losing that they are "getting smoked . . . like salmon." El Douhe and Mickey win the race. El Douche and Winemaker snag some face time and kissy face at the After Party while Solar Vienna is "easy to get along with . . . in small doses." While Solar Vienna's cheeseball antics are grinding on the rest of the guys, Greek Groban puts it simply: “Some people like cheese in a can.”

Cupcake's Zodiac Park Dinner

Nothing to see here, this date sounds totally normal. Ashley clearly likes Cupcake and feels compelled to come clean with the Return of the Mack (see above). Cupcake understands, secures a rose, and appears a lock to be in the finale.

Cocktail Party Time

Do you know when you rehearse something in your head and once you say it, it comes out totally different than what you planned/hoped/rehearsed? See the Cocktail Party from Episode 6 for a prime example. Ashley was so excited to tell all the guys about how she is finally over Bentley and ready to move forward with them. However, her grand plan went something like this:

 The guys feel jilted. Greek Groban, Lucas Oil and the Dentist are visibly and audibly upset. Ashley learns that honesty is not the best policy when on a dating reality show. Luckily, Solar Vienna and Cupcake have the Dental Student’s back. Lucas Oil puts it pretty bluntly: "She's wasting my fucking time.” Ok then. Mickey, however, is a man of action and not just talk. Chef Mickey leaves the show and crying Ashley needs to sit down with Harrison.

Rose Ceremony

Lucas Oil, Solar Vienna and Cupcake are safe.

3 roses for four men.

Winemaker Ben

Greek Groban

El Douche dismisses the Dentist for “the final rose tonight.”

Time to tie one on in Taiwan. Boom. Wags is up.