The Bachelor: Likable Sean Episode 6

The real star of this episode was Banff National Park and Lake Louise. 3 dates this week as the show heads North to Canada - 2 One-on-Ones and a Group Date.

Lennay's Date with Mr. Freeze

While I don't think there was anything especially interesting on this date - OUTSIDE OF THE SNOW BUS - I do think its important to remember that Lennay was left out in the elements during a blizzard on a glacier. Did Lennay have to meet with EMTs and get medical attention? No. For those keeping score at home, this is our first glacier date since Ali left "guard and protect your heart" Kasey in Iceland? Greenland? Somewhere else where there is a glacier.

Can we get back to the Snow Bus?

Is this safe? Should Sean be driving this considering he couldn't drive a stick shift jeep with Selma? 

Later, at the ice castle, it's time for Lennay to open up with her personal story. It turns out her father passed away tragically, she suffered a terrible car accident where she was in a coma for months, only to come out of the coma and find out she had leukemia, eventually die from that leukemia, come back from the dead to have to evade danger from drug dealers, have her long time boyfriend get blown out in the national title game and lastly, become a man. (Thank you Mrs. Dugan). Oh, wait, nevermind...she witnessed her friend's far too young death. I prefer my fake version where no 12 year olds die. 

The sob story is undefeated this season and Lennay gets the rose - a red one. 

Group Polar Plunge

Tierrable (new nickname coming soon!), Righty, the General's Daughter, AshLee Top 3 (new nickname coming soon!), Selma, Abramoff, and Daniella are heading on a canoe trip followed by a plunge into near freezing glacier runoff.

This is the most physically demanding season of the Bachelor/ette ever. I have never seen the men go through such grueling dates on the Bachelorette. And one of the girls is ONE ARMED. This is getting ridiculous. They test her physically every date.

During a few weeks of teasers, we have been forewarned of a Tierrable incident due to the plunge. My issue is that there are cut-away interviews with Tierrable. Fuck. We know she survives whatever fraudulent tragedy she endured.

Selma refuses to take the plunge. Selma says no, "Call me a princess." What princess would that be? JASMINE. Duh.

Selma in desert: “ I don’t do heat.”

Selma in Canada: “I’m a warm weather person.”

Regardless, Dugan is proud that she can't be guilted or peer pressured into this moronic activity.  Abramoff, Daniella, Righty, and AshLee discuss the positives from the experience while Tierrable has a meltdown. Personally, I don't mind seeing Americans tax the Canadian healthcare system with fake healthcare scares. They call 911 down here for tylenol.

Oh, by the way, the other girls were just fine. And even Tierrable managed to recuperate in time for the evening portion of the group date. Some highlights...

• Abramoff is a frontrunner and possible bachelorette material.
• Righty busted out family pictures and it didn't go over well.
• Abramoff drops "Tierrarist" nickname becoming MY FAVORITE BACHELOR/ETTE CONTESTANT OF ALL TIME.
• Sean approves as well and gives her the rose.
• Decides to cut Righty instead of letting her linger. Minorities and handicapped are dwindling. 
• Righty bemoans, “It’s always the same.” Uh...WHAT? You always get dumped on national television during a reality dating show? Does Righty understand there are plenty of two-handed woman out there having trouble in their love lives? 

Say Yes to the Des gets put to the Test

And the intense cardio dates continue. It's repelling down a mountain time. I do give a hat tip to Fleiss & Co. for the inspirational background music nearing the climax of the climb. This duo isn't done and decide to spontaneously climb a tree. I was waiting for some "A Separate Peace" action with Sean cutting her by shaking the branch and Des out of the tree. 

Alas, it's time for a Tee-pee nightcap. I never pictured tee-pees being this large. It was larger than my first home. Say Yes to the Des decides to bring up her personal drama and it opened the door for my first recommendation for quote of the year. Growing up, due to stressful economic conditions, she and her family lived in a tent for months at a time. And a fifth wheel. And a small apartment. A small apartment? The horror, the horror.

Des: “I opened up about living in a tent, and here I am, falling in love in a tee-pee.”

Rose Ceremony during an incredible Michigan/Ohio State game

• Lennay, Abramoff, and Say Yes have Roses.
• Righty is gone.
• Selma kisses to make up for missing the plunge.
• Dugan figured out who AshLee has been remminding him of the entire damn season. She is this matronly but attractive, really odd person with a mixed up past of abandonement. AshLee is Gillian Darmody.
• Gen Daughter gets rose #4.
• Gillian Darmody gets rose #5.
• The Tierrarist gets the Final Rose.
• Selma and Daniella gone. Neither had a nickname. Everyone left has a nickname.

Next week will bring the ladies out of the cold and to the US Virgin Islands.

The Bachelor: Likable Sean Episode 5

The two night Bachelor event has begun.  ABC decided to give us four hours of The Bachelor this week.  I like that they call it an "event."  Merriam-Webster defines an event as a noteworthy happening.  If a bunch of women who are on the show for all the right reasons is noteworthy, then I guess ABC has appropriately described this week's shows.

On to the show. With 11 ladies left, Chris B. Harrison, our spiritual and moral compass, tells us that it's going to get serious.  Today includes the dreaded 2 on 1 date!  And the ladies are meeting Sean in Montana! The girls were fake excited to go to Montana.  I'll bet they would have been much happier to go to Europe or Bali or Hong Kong.  Budget problems ABC?

Sean thinks Montana is really going to challenge the ladies.  Let's hope so:

Solo Date #1: Lindsay

Good news.  They have helicopters in Montana.  Sean says it's the most badass helicopter.  When they got in, I was underwhelmed by the chopper badassness.  The inside looked like the interior of a Ford Taurus.  For those of you not lucky enough to spend most of your childhood in the "way back" of a Taurus station wagon, here's a picture:

The helicopter took them to Glacier National Park.  I'm predicting a picnic date or a bear fight.  Unfortunately, the former won.

In the evening, Lindsay said she doesn't know what brought her here.  Does she mean that literally?  (It was a helicopter).  Figuratively? (it was a lengthy interview process in Los Angeles).

Lindsay and her wrist tattoo get the date rose.

After receiving the rose, Sean had one more surprise.  The entire town of Whitefish, Montana greeted them as Whitefish's only American Idol entry sang a couple songs.  The musical star power on the Bachelor is really taking a hit this season.

Group Date: Selma Hayak, Ashlee Top Three, Say Yes to the Des, Lennay Kekua, Righty, Lesley Abramoff, Robyn, and Daniella

(I was really excited at the possibility of an all-nicknamed group date, but alas, Robyn and Daniella had to ruin it)

The date began with a goat, canoe, and hay relay race.  The goat milk portion of the race required filling up a jar to a predetermined line.  Did ABC have to pay royalties to Double Dare for stealing the game idea?

After some embarrassing canoeing by the other girls, Righty proved that she can do anything that a woman with two full length arms can do in the hay carrying competition.  Say Yes to the Des finished the relay for her team by chugging warm goat milk.  She deserves the rose for that.

Though half of the women got sent back to the Whitefish Lodge, Sean bent the rules and asked the loser blue team to rejoin everyone on the date.  According to Chris B. Harrison, Sean felt that "his wife might be on the blue team."  (Quote of the night nominee).

Selma was not happy that the other team got to come back.  And "when Selma gets angry, Selma gets angry."  Sean probably should not have irked the Iraqi.

During a side interview, Tierrable surprised Sean by approaching him from behind and covering his eyes.  Tierrable is not on this show to make friends.  She's there to find her husband.  She needs to do what's right for her.

Ashlee Top Three had some solo time with Sean. She informed him that she has a "soul connection" with him. (Quote of the night nominee).  She is honestly falling in love with him.  Anybody that claims that this show isn't a real search for true love is out of their mind!

Daniella saw Lennay Kekua sitting on Sean's lap.  This sent her crying back in the house.  Sean then comforted her (mostly with french kissing).

Daniella (from the loser Blue team) got the rose.  Chugging the warm goat's milk was officially not worth it.

2 on 1 Date: Jackie and Tierrable

I feel bad for Jackie.  Sean might like her better, but there's no way that ABC does.  Tierrable is a lock to get the rose.

Jackie made huge Bachelor tactical error by talking trash about Tierrable.  As they say, snitches get limo rides home.

In her solo time, Tierrable revealed that she was with a guy for five years that was "in and out of rehabs."  You read that plural correctly.  Sean quickly clarified that it was "drug and alcohol rehabs." Is that better or worse than some of the alternatives?  Personally, I'd prefer fear of clowns and fear of flying rehab(s).  Tierrable then said the guy died.  I'm calling BS.  I think she just saved this "story" for a moment like a 2 on 1 date.

As predicted, Tierrable got the rose from Sean (and ABC).

Rose Ceremony

Say Yes to the Des may have cost herself a rose by calling Sean unpredictable.  Sean correctly interpreted that she meant keeping Tierra was unpredictable.  Sean was irked because Des and the other girls can't seem to understand that ABC is keeping Tierrable, not Sean.

Tierrable wishes she was a fighter so she could beat up these "bitches."  Robyn said she would approach Tierrable and make this Bad Girls Club.  How meta!  A reality show reference within a reality show.

While Tierrable fought with Robyn, Sean walked into the room.  Tierrable then defended her actions to Sean by saying that she's "not a drama person."  In fact, she's a self-proclaimed "nice girl."

Before giving out roses, Sean had a sit down with Harrison.  Sean went through a lot this week, but a nice chat with Harrison cures what ails you.

After clearing his head, Sean gave the remaining roses to Selma Hayak, Lennay Kekua, Lesley Abramoff, Ashlee Top Three, Righty, and Say Yes to the Des.

Joining Jackie in the loser limo is Robyn.  So much for Sean liking African-American girls.

Until Tuesday night, when we get dangerously cold in Montana.

The Bachelor: Likable Sean Episode 4

A Hike, Skate and Pretty Woman Date

Sean enters the episode with only 13 women left. Chris tells the woman that Sean is confident that his wife is in the room. You know what else? This is the first season where Chris is single and hosting the show. Are there as many contestants hoping for a relationship with Chris as with Sean? 

Hayak's Hike

Selma gets a one-on-one and Sean wants to test her ability to put up with a physically demanding date at Joshua Tree National Park. Side note. Selma is a real estate developer? Due to my actual job, I know a lot of real estate developers. NONE look like Selma. Let's google image search for "real estate developer."

These guys are real estate developers.

Same here.

And then we have Selma the Real Estate Developer?

In the Limo, Selma throws out that she weighs 110 pounds. I haven’t known most girls to just give up that kind of info. In the private jet, Selma asks, “Is every date going to be like this from now on?” Ummm, unless you stay on a reality dating show for the rest of your life or manage to marry Tim or I, NO!!!

Other date details bullet point style.

• She’s Iraqi and does not do well in the heat. Good thing she left. 
• Sean picked her up and put her in the jeep. Seemed like a Pavelka move...foreshadowing
• Another cliffhanger inspired date allows me to post my favorite photoshop in WWT history

Pavelka!

Jake & Selma continue their date in an Airstream graveyard where Selma drops some big info:

• Born in Baghdad. 
• Muslim. 
• Despite playing the non-kissing game, Selma gets the rose. If this continues much longer, Selma might become Burka in the blog.

Roller Derby Group Date

The General’s Daughter (Lindsey), Robyn, Jackie, Lennay, Fit Model Amanda, AshLee, Righty, and Tierrable (Thank you for the nickname, Abramoff!) begin prepping for a Roller Derby. This date quickly devolves.

• AshLee is scared.
• Tierrable is excited to take her aggression out on the other girls
• Amanda lied about her roller derby skills to intimidate the other girls. Is that a believable lie?
• All the girls are falling. Robyn looks like she’s on ice skates which probably wouldn't be much better.
• Righty's in tears. Sean is explaining to Righty that she will have a "huge sense of accomplishment" if she competes. WHAT? Why?
• Amanda goes down. And everyone's initial reaction is to call 911!?! I want to do a new blog about how reality television shows are contributing to skyrocketing healthcare costs in this country. I have a 34 and 16 month old. If I called 911 every time they fell, they would be my most frequent called number. I would put 911 in my Fav 5.
• Sean shuts down the disaster group date and allows a Free Skate
• Right calls it "one of the most difficult days of my life” WHAT WHAT WHAT? 

After Party

• Tierrable wants a rose and is willing to throw a temper tantrum to get it. I have experience (see above).
• Amanda rises from the dead.
• Tierrable/Robyn are ready to go at it.
• General's Daughter gets her hot tub time cut off by Tierrable who gets the tantrum rose

Pretty? Woman 

Mrs. Dugan is not a big fan of Leslie H. who gets diamond earrings before the date. I kind of want to keep Leslie H. because I don't know when we'll get another poker dealer on the show. It's bullet point review time:

• Rodeo Drive shopping spree at Badgley Mischka. While this means nothing to me, a quick wiki search says that the Olsen twins were former spokespersons. I don't know why that humors me.
• She calls herself a "Tan Julia Roberts"
• Sean's in a tux? 
• One more thing…….. NEIL FUCKING LANE!!!
• 120 carat necklace? Cool ice. Not as cool as Neil Lane.
• No Spark = No Rose. Yes tears.
• Sean leans over the balcony and rose petals drop in slow motion. Most WWT readers can easily spot a "Mesnick," but the true loyalists know a "Flajnik" which is a Mesnick without tears.

Rose Ceremony

• AshLee and Tim's prediction are looking strong.
• Robyn really likes him and I foresee a crushing exit.
• Tierrable could be the most apropos nickname in blog history.
• This Lennay seems legit.
• 12 woman left.
• Tierrable and Burka have roses.
• 9 roses to go.
• One lady joining the other Leslie.
• Who else is safe?
• Lennay.
• Say Yes to the Des
• The Generals Daughter
• Leslie Abramoff

• Robyn
• AshLee
• Righty
• Jackie
• Daniella

Fit Model Amanda takes it on the chin and next week will bring back to back episodes...and blogs.