Sonoma Ben: Women Tell All

Our friend Chris Harrison begins the night previewing the action including the bombshell appearance by HB Courtney! The crowd's reaction to HB's presence was probably my favorite moment of the night (please continue reading, though). It was straight out of a Ronco Informercial.

Let's Catch up with Favorites from Past Seasons

• Ed is no longer with Gillian but is with many other bachelorettes
• Ryan P. (dental student's season) is still a douche
• Ali is back on the market
• Frank is not, but doesn't mind Ali chasing him
• Wait? Is this whole segment just a preview for Bachelor Pad 3 (yes it is).
• Breakdancing Mike* (WWT Hall of Famer) wants Jenna Blogger on BP3. (why?)

Let's talk to the ladies from Ben's season

• Blakeley "didn't come to make friends." We all know that. She came to wear onesies. Once she ran out, she was cut.
• There were lots of clips calling Blakeley a stripper and the girls complaining that Blakeley didn't come to be their friends which led to this great quote from B: "I can't be friends with you because I am so mature." Fact. Deal with it.
• Brittney left because she wasn't attracted to Ben. The Dugans' friends that watch the Bachelor with us have come to agree with Brittney during the course of the season.
• Shawntel came back and received a bunch of apologies. I didn't understand why because I didn't see the episode. There was a great line calling Shawntel "Brad's Dumpster Trash." "Oops," later overheard by the future "Ben's Dumpster Trash."
• Samantha got the first, middle and last word on every topic. No one remembers her.

During the entire WTA episode, Mrs. Dugan is complaining about not being able to see (don't worry, resolved later in the blog.)

Rapping Emily

They talk to Emily about her run on the show, her rapping, her feelings for Ben and his skinny-dipping with HB. OH DAMN IT. We had a blond rapper named Emily on the show? Way too late, but she should have been: Eminemily.

Nicki Top 3

• Is she the next Bachelorette?
• Will she go back to Texas and find Brad?
• Should she have been kept to make for any suspense in the finale? Uhh....Yes.

Kacie B.

• The Ronco crowd was crying for/with her. Gag.
• Still shocked she was sent home.
• Boring.
• She's 24 and they are acting like she is an old maid who will never find love. I don't think this show is good for women. Especially pretty ones with low self esteem.

When are we getting to WWT favorite Jenna Blogger and the awkward turtle kissing nurse, Jamie? Never, apparently . . . on to HB. But Mrs. Dugan finally can see: "Oh my god. I'm a moron." Mrs. Dugan had not taken both her contacts out before donning glasses for the show. 

HB Courtney

• The women call her "liar," "vapid," "manipulative," "in it to win it," "mean," "not real," and "split personality."
• Dugan's response: "WINNING!"
• Casey defends her. Who didn't see that coming?
• Mrs. Dugan wanted Courtney to come out with an engagement ring on. Good call.
• This appearance is all about damage control because she obviously wins and is obviously not still with Ben.
• "I cared for him." Oops. Spoiler alert.

Ben comes out

• Not like that.
• I am sick of him. 
• Until next week and the final rose.

The Bachelor: Women Tell All (about CEMII)

Fans, Friends, Foes: The recapitulation will be short and sweet because there were no real revelations during the WTA. For those needing an excuse to skip the episode and save some space on their DVRs, here you go:

• Brad admitted to being "blindsided by beauty" with Michelle Money, aka, "she was hot so I can put up with a little more crazy."
• The "Bachelor Nation" is 500 strong and counting and I am pretty sure they play a game called 2 Degrees of Wes.
• Rozlyn still looks good and is in strong contention for Bachelor Pad II this summer.
• Gia explains what you cannot do to a girlfriend's former beau, but that "in the rule of skank, you can do that."
• CEM II got ganged up on by the other women and fake cried about the emotional strain of leaving lil' $ at home. I say fake cried because I believe she'll manage to leave lil' $ at home to go on Bachelor Pad II.
• Harrison, Lisa and the Dental Student had CEM II's back.
• The Nanny is still wearing silly bands.
• No Malibu Shark Attack Lindsey
• The Manscaper blames Bennigan's Waitress Melissa on her exit from the show. The Nanny and the Artist point out that getting into stupid drama in front of Brad was her own fault.
• The Dental Student was more likable than ever.
• Brad comes on at the end and says he is "more and more and more in love every day." So don't worry about the Mesnick Balcony scenes in next week's finale because Brad seems content.

There were some good moments, but it was mostly an uneventful Women Tell All. Dugan's favorite moment came during the CEM II crying scenes when they failed to edit out one of the girls saying "this is stupid."

I agree. Here are some crying pictures to end the WTA recap.

The Bachelor: Women Tell All (about Rozlyn)

The night began as it normally does in the Dugan Household, with the DVR diligently recording the Bachelor as I watch some other shows to satisfy man code (foreshadowing a Juan appearance later in blog).  And wow, was that pairs ice dancing something to watch.  The Russians received a medal, as they have every year  ice dancing has been a recognized Olympic sport, edging the Americans for Bronze as the Canadians were triumphant on home ice.  Thrilling!

Ali's Time to Explain

Then the power surged in the Dugan household.  Uh oh. DirecTV takes a while to cycle through and I ran to the supplemental tv to turn on Comcast in order to not miss a thing on the Bachelor: Women Tell All.  So, we began our viewing roughly an hour into the program with Ali's heartfelt interview with Chris Harrison. Ali blames her fears for leaving the show, explaining that she was scared of being heartbroken, mounting bills, etc.  Ali even took the high road when discussing rival Vienna with a shout-out to her rough tabloid coverage.  Ali let out a bombshell that I think was glossed over:

"If I know what I know now...I would have stayed."

What the hell happens on the finale?  Or after the Final Rose? As Jake told Kevin Fraser, we are about to get some more drama in the next couple weeks.

Elizabeth, this season's "Tori Spelling" candidate


Chris Harrison calls Elizabeth the ultimate game player and wants to find out why she played the no kissie-face game.  Who cares, after Jake drops the second bombshell of the show (perhaps not linearly due to FPL issues). Jake says he respected Tori because he had friends whose first kiss was at their wedding.  First kiss? Wedding? Is this really done? Does Jake live in Kabul, Texas? Dugan is flabbergasted.  As Jake explains that games have ruined more relationships than he would like to remember, Mrs. Dugan and I tried to think of the games Jake was alluding to...I voted Tiddly Winks, Mrs. D went with hide and seek, any thoughts from the WWT fans?

And yes, that is a link to the North American Tiddly Winks Association.  If the 15 followers of this blog click on that link, we could shut their massive server down.

Bachelor goes Real World/Road Rules on us


As has been discussed numerous times, we believe people go on the show as contestants (1 of the 25) to eventually become the one choosing.  But it turns out, people go on the show just to get into the Bachelor Reunion parties.  We got to see the old gang of favorites including No Job Rob still mixing up drinks, Erica still judging, Blond Natalie from Mesnick's season still thinking highly of herself, Kiptyn who thinks he could have kept Rozlyn's interest and a great quote from Wes: "I've kind of had my fair share of hot chicks..."

Bachelor goes United Way on us


Next, the women tell all shows how much the Bachelor cares by having former contestants chip in time and effort with local charities.  The kids from Vine Street Elementary (which this review from Yelp says is "OK" and is hampered by having to translate everything into that damn Spanish) helped paint lifeguard stands.  Mrs. Dugan and I thought that the kids were having fun but confused by who the hell they were painting with. Where are people we know like Kobe or Shaq?

Wags was not feeling sorry for the kids. These were the luckiest kids in the United States.  They might as well all be cancer kids on a "Make a Wish Foundation" outing.  They got to hang out with Breakdancing Michael. I also think DeAnna is questionably racist.  She called every little boy in there Carlos.  That's pretty dick, DeAnna.

And Juan proved his man-card by handing out food with only female bachelorettes.  And now comes the real question, who has fewer male friends, Juan or Jake?

Gia/Michelle


Gia regrets not telling Jake her true feelings.  You don't say?

I missed Crazy Eyes' segment due to FPL so please feel free to help out in the comments section.

Rozlyn's a Bad Liar


How much money do we think Rozlyn received to be part of the Women Tell All episode?  After being called out by Gia, Ashleigh, Jessie and fellow Moms Ella and Valishia, Rozlyn denies all and says they didn't see what they saw. Chris Harrison compares Roz' lies to his son's fairytales about unicorns - a classic - and recommends "the simplest story is the truth."

Gia makes an obvious point by telling Rozlyn that she could have just admitted she had feelings for producer X, aka Ryan Callahan pictured below in traditional New Zealand garb, and everyone would have understood.  Instead, Rozlyn stood her ground and called all the women liars...

and then goes after our fearless leader, Chris Harrison.  Roz alludes to Chris making passes at Ryan's wife while in New Zealand and Chris wisely does not dignify her with a response.  What could have been a beautiful love story has turned caddy and tragic.  Much like in pairs ice dancing when a fall is blamed on one partner and ruins the rest of the routine...

Next week is the finale...and you'll be back in the safe hands of Wags.