The Bachelor Pad II: Setting the Scene

Chris Harrison explains that the Bachelor Pad is the "home to the men and women who did not find lasting love on the Bachelor or Bachelorette." To the fans and friends of WWT, BP is simply awesome. Fleiss & Co. do a great job of mixing fan and blog favorites as well as enemies. But 3 hours was tough to handle.

The Enemies List:

• Rated R from Bachelorette Ally's season doesn't want to see his enemy Kasey. He will see Kasey.
• Kasey from Ally's season doesn't want to see former Bachelorette Jake. Kasey will see Jake. 
• Jake wants to see Vienna, his former fiance, who doesn't want to see him. It will happen.
• Vienna also doesn't want to see Gia from Jake's season and BP1. That will happen.
• Holly doesn't want to see Breakdancing Mike. Whoops.

The Rest:

• Dentist Blake, El Douche and Cell Phone Bill from the recently completed season of the Bachelorette
• Erica from Lorenzo's season who explains what won't get in her way of winning: "my morals" 
• Momma Ella from Jake's season got more attractive and relayed an awful story about witnessing her mother's murder at the hands of her step-father
• Graham from Deanna's season
• Young Alli from Brad's season? I don't really remember what season she was in. I remember this: From Ohio with a well endowed personality and was kept around late in a season without ever getting much one on one time. And once she got it, she was cut. Doesn't say much for her real personality.
• Crazy Melissa. All I remember is bat shit crazy.
• Kirk from Alli's season - everyone should remember that home date with the taxidermy in his father's basement.

Highlights from the Meet & Greet

• Gia explains that "Vienna is so skank in my book." 
• Vienna described winning on the Bachelor as a "lose-lose."
• Kasey bringing the heat: "I'm going to take a Jake and wipe my Pavelka." BOOM. Roasted.
• Rated R breaks it down: "Love's a waste of time. I'm here for the money."
• Holly likes Dentist Blake because "he uses really big words." 
• Formerly engages couple Breakdancing Mike and Holly's meet was a.w.k.w.a.r.d. and great for the viewer.
• Ella thinks drama surrounds Vienna and would not want to be her. Mind you, this is the same woman who is a single mother who saw her own mother murdered. I am not trying to make light of Ella's awful tragedy - only highlight how awful it is to be Vienna.
• Jake & Vienna's A.W.K.W.A.R.D. meetup blows Holly and Mike's out of the water.
• Jake to Vienna, "You look nice. And I met Kasey."
• Then they discuss the weather. Dugan made mental note never again to discuss weather in a social setting.

The Straddling Swing Competition

Not much to discuss here outside of the following:

• Cell Phone Bill gets Gia much to most men's jealousy and promptly drops her.
• Kirk gets stuck with Erica and his herculean effort carried them far
• Michelle Money defied gravity
• In a tension filled ending, Jake & Artist Jackie knocked off Vienna and Kasey to win immunity.
• Vienna and Kasey flee to fight.
• Vienna: "I kind of expected a little more from you." OUCH. Fighting ensues.
• Vienna: "we made a promise we wouldn't fight on camera." Guffaw.
• Kasey in an attempt to make up: "I love you more than peanut butter cookies."
• Mrs. Dugan: "I need her to drown."

Jake & Jackie's Night Out

• Jake has fans. Turns out they are 11 year olds.
• BP2 turns Survivor at the House with alliances forming.
• Jake is still a sociopath.
• Dugan is more convinced than ever that Jake is the real life Patrick Bateman.
• Back at the house, C.E.M.II thinks Vienna should confront Jake.
• Vienna explains to C.E.M.II that Jake is a book that she finished . . . and would like to burn. Ok, then. 

Jake & Gia's Sit Down

• Jake's giving a rose to Vienna. Dugan doesn't understand. 
• The girls in the house don't like Gia. Dugan understands. Jealousy's a bitch.
• Gia & Jake discuss chess strategy and Virgil's Aeneid.

• Jake gives immunity to Vienna and apologizes for never getting a table at Dorsia.
• There is an idea of a Jake Pavelka; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real Jake: only an entity, something illusory. And though he can hide his cold gaze, and you can shake his hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense your lifestyles are probably comparable... He simply is not there.
• Gia bluffs Kasey very well and secures an alliance with him. Then I found the following picture showing where Gia learned her skills.

Rose Ceremony

• Rated R. doesn't like Kasey walking around like King-ding-a-ling at the rose ceremony.
• Dugan can't resist this classic:

• I won't go through all the rose recipients but Erica was my favorite, mainly for her cross promotion for ABC's Dancing With the Stars:

• Young Ally and Rated R get the boot for playing both sides.
• Until next time, my friends.

Bachelor Men Tell All: "What a Dramatic Journey It's Been"

Those were the words Chris Harrison began the men tell all...and probably every "Tell All" episode in Bachelor/ette history. Chris leads us down memory lane with Ali discussing Rated R, Kasey's desire to "guard and protect" her heart, Kirk's exit and Frank's betrayal. There were some major issues preventing the Men Tell All from what it could be.

1. No Frank.

2. No Rated R.

3. No Craig M.

So three main characters were not there and ABC is not going to let Casual Michael Phelps carry two hours of programming.  It led to a lot of Droopy Dog talk. Wait wait wait...no Frank??? Exactly. Long time fans know what's coming next.

Next week's epidode is sure to include a Frank sighting ala Reid in Jillian's season. Or did Frank's girlfriend finally put her foot down and end this nonsense.  

Dugan's favorite part of the episode were the shots taken at Crazy Kasey. Kasey is given the job of WWT's future intern and asked how many times "guard and protect your heart" was said.  "A Couple Hundred," was thrown out there as a plausible answer.

The Bachelor/ette Wo/Men Tell All has also become a concert series. Kasey took the opportunity to belt out a "Kasey song." Please let this guy start his own show with the freaks from American Idol.

Ali's reaction to the singing: "Yeah, it was so awkward."

Ali's reaction to the tatoo: "I felt bad.  I felt bad for him"

Ali's reaction to the Night at the Museum date: "I was trying to call you (Harrison) for help"

It turns out this show has already been on tv.

Other nuggets before we get excited for next week's finale:

• Kirk's scrapbooking kept him longer than he would have.
• Unseen Moments from the show
• Roberto's attempt at popping a cork in Ali's face.
• Frank's dad gives a rambling toast
• Chris N as "The Phantom"
• Roberto in Portugal was apparrantly played by Ace Ventura (pictured below)

Enter The Men.

And they continue the Kasey Pile on.

Kirk: “he was in love with Ali before he met her.”

Ty: “this kid’s freaking crazy.” and "This guy is a looney tune."

Droopy Dog: “this kid is fucking nuts.”

Speaking of...

Kasey's response to all these attacks: "I was myself."  He doesn't get that his self is crazy.  Some part (ok a large part) of Dugan wants Kasey and the Phantom, aka the Riddler, aka the Orlando Entreprenuer/Entertainer to become superheroes that go around saving Reality Starlettes from the Frank and Rated R's of Reality TV world.

Kirk's time to shine...oh wait, no. His time to continue talking about his sickness.

Kirk's illness defines him. And from now on, that bad sickness that everyone gets in college - whether it be a cold like Kirk, mono, or even herpes...the worst sickness you get while in college shall forever be called "Kirk's disease." Luckily, Ali cured Kirk from Kirk's and he can love again.

Jessie returns from wherever former contestants are held.

Jessie is on the show to explain how she outed fame whore Justin. Jessie, who is the former "Miss Molson Indy Toronto Sports Model Competition Toronto Sun Sunshine Girl" came on her 2nd of 3 reality shows (upcoming Bachelor Pad being the 3rd) to complain about Rated R dating multiple women at home. As Dugan's mother in law pointed out when Frank had a girlfriend back home....ALI HAD TWO OTHER BOYFRIENDS AT THE TIME.  And when Rated R got outed, Ali had a gaggle of men she was dating.  

Jessie's time on the show had a tiger/elin sleaze to it.  Multiple women, facebooks, voicemails, texts.  I needed a shower after this segment.

Some closing thoughts.

Going into next week, we have Roberto and Chris Landscaper.  Mrs. Dugan picked Chris L. to win and Roberto as next Bachelor long ago.  I blogged about a possible Brad Womack ending to the season.  We know one thing. Roberto is the favorite; thus, will not win.  Will Ali pick the life of a perfectly manicured lawn or move to Austin and continue bar hopping with Brad?

Oh, and the Bachelor Pad is going to be awesome.