Bachelor Finale Prediction - Part II

One of my co-workers just got back from Vietnam and missed the last two episodes of the Bachelor. I told him the final two. I also mentioned that Chris Harrison has said the "After the Final Rose" will be without a studio audience and very intense. It got me thinking about why it would be intense if either of the two final women won.

And then it hit me...Jason is going to pick Melissa and meet her parents for the first time on television. It has to be correct. It's the only non-Deanna finale that makes sense with that level of intensity.

My Apologies to the Bachelor

I should start off this week's Bachelor post by formally apologizing to Jason Mesnick. I have been critical in the past of Jason because he appears to live on a houseboat with a three-year-old. Though I am not a parent and cannot keep a plant alive, I found it unsafe to live on a houseboat with such a young child.

So this weekend we went to Tahoe and bought an US Weekly (shared between 3 other purchasers...as always, they will remain anonymous). We just had to find out more about Nadya Suleman. (Sidenote: I'll bet she actually would live on a houseboat with her 14 children).

US Weekly reported that Jason does NOT actually live on a houseboat. The producers used the houseboat because they felt it captured the essence of Seattle. That's not cool to fool us like that.

Now that that's out of the way, this week's episode was not enjoyable. The only interesting parts were when we found out that Bachelor Charlie O'Connell is a recovering alcoholic and that all of the past losers of the show hook up.

FINAL ROSE PREDICTION: Melissa. As Dugan pointed out in the comment section, it would be totally ridiculous if Melissa won. At no time has she ever seemed like the favorite. That's exactly why she may/will win. I worry that this could be a really frustrating ending.

Oh What a Night! Top Chef and Lost

I can't believe that Fabio is a member of the Dharma Initiative now!

Top Chef Season Finale Part 1

Very good episode, but a sad ending. I think this is the first season that I have disliked two of the three finalists. Usually it's two good ones and one villian (e.g. Casey, Richard, and Hung). Stefan's arrogance is growing at the same rate as his man-kissing...troublesome. Hosea is such a head case and wishes that Stefan would show some man-kissing his way. I will only be happy if supermodel Carla wins. Our favorite part of the episode was Judge Toby NOT being there.

Lost: Back to the Island

People around the office seem to have mixed opinions on every episode this season. "I loved it!" "I hated it!" "I thought it was just filler." I will be very curious to find out where people stood on this week's episode. In my opinion, this week was the best off-island show of the season.

And just in case you missed it, Jack represents science and Locke represents faith.

BREAKING NEWS: Pictures of the Bachelor's Dream Car Discovered

The Bachelor New Zealand: Champagne Wishes and Mustang Dreams

WHAT A SHOCKER!!! Thankfully, Liz and I had two dear friends come over and watch the show with us. (Once again, their identities will be protected for their dignity). Here are some thoughts:

1) Some people at my office claimed Jason doesn’t live on a houseboat. They said he just lives on a house near the water that has a dock for a front walkway. This episode proved that Jason does in fact live on a houseboat.

2) Jillian shed some light on the best way to pick up a chick in New Zealand…a “chopper.”

3) Jumping hugs on fantasy dates? Check.

4) Jill says to J, “I’m crazy aboot you.” Well, we’re pretty certain aboot you being the next Bachelorette.

5) When is Jillian and Jason’s baby due? That was pretty graphic in the hot tub.

6) Molly took a “leap of faith” with Jason. Get it? Because they were bungee jumping…but also falling in love.

7) I was going to title this blog post, “Are we sexually compatible?” Then Jason said his dream car was a Mustang. We had to pause the show for aboot 5 minutes because we were all laughing so much.

8) Molly kind of looks like a jack-o-lantern. Check it out for yourself. (This observation made by our friend from Texas).

9) Nothing says romance like an awkward conversation about Winston Churchill.

10) Melissa and Jason were in the Mustang of hot tubs.

11) Jason and Melissa saw the Rocky Top Mountains of New Zealand. Didn’t realize the fantasy dates were actually in Tennessee.

12) I had a picture of Melissa all ready to go for when she inevitably got kicked off, but the producers pulled a fast one on us and got rid of Jillian. One of the more shocking non-finale endings in recent memory.

Currently My Favorite Song (until tomorrow at least)

Sitcom Showdown

Tonight we watched both the Office and 30 Rock. At the end of 30 Rock, Liz said, "I think 30 Rock is better than the Office." After watching tonight's episodes, I had to agree. Based on this season alone, 30 Rock has been funnier than the Office. Though I will always love the Office more, 30 Rock has been the better show this season.

My favorite part of tonight's Office: When Creed said he could get a kid for $7,000.

My favorite part of tonight's 30 Rock: When Jack says that he keeps pictures of himself with lots of people like the Pope, the Dalai Lama, and Toby Keith.

The Bachelor Hometown: When Doves Cry

Here are my observations for this week's Bachelor:

1) "Flowers need rain. We will always be there for you again and again." In what freaking country does this rhyme!? Oh yeah......North Alberta, Canada.

2) I take back what I wrote a couple weeks ago about Molly being the favorite. It's now a tie between Molly and Jillian, or shall I say Moll and Jill? I was convinced because Jillian's parents worked through their problems. Jason's wife divorced him so he wants someone stable.

3) Jason admitted "letting Ty out on a putting green the moment he could crawl." Does this seem a little unsafe? How does an infant get out of the way when someone yells FOUR? 3 year old on a houseboat and now infant crawling on a golf course.

4) Red flag alert: Molly calls her mom by her first name.

5) Do you think Chris Harrison requires them to hug like this when they first see each other on the hometown dates?


6) Flight attendant Naomi's mom was really good at the hula hoop...and really bad at keeping her daughter in the competition.

7) Note to Naomi's dad: Jason obviously doesn't believe in Jesus.

8) They did not bury that dove deep enough. I'm sure a cat has already had "Rosie" for lunch.

9) According to Reduction Melissa's friends, her last boyfriend "used and abused her." Whoa.

10) Melissa is now "110% in love" with Jason. I hate that. Because it's impossible.

11) Melissa's friends have never even met her parents? Dallas, we have a problem.

And in a not-so-shocking ending, Naomi goes home because Jason does not want to clip her wings. It's now a sure-thing that Molly and Jillian are the final two. I am already working on Melissa's eulogy.

Oceanic 7

There were 7 of us. I was there with my bride. There were 5 others with us for the full 2 1/2 hours. I will refer to them as the "5WSNBN" (5-who-shall-not-be-named) in order to protect their identities.

Liz, the 5WSNBN, and I agreed that we would lie to the world. We would never reveal our secret.

This blog post finally exposes what was previously kept a secret for the last 18 hours: We saw "He's Just Not That Into You."

In a theater the size of AT&T Park upper-reserved section 325, we saw one of the most frustratingly predictable films of the year.

Admission: I used to watch Sex and the City when it was on TV. If this movie were an episode of Sex and the City, it would have been the worst episode of season 1.

Before the movie, one of the 5WSNBN thought that I might say that I didn't like the movie even if I really did like it. I could have seen this as a real possibility. Fortunately, I didn't have to fake it.

Reasons to avoid the movie:
1) Ben Affleck is the most likable male character.
2) It's rarely funny and the people sitting around you are probably going to be the funniest part.
3) It's not creative.
4) The Ram Jam is not part of it.
5) Scarlett Johansson's powers of seduction might break up YOUR relationship.

In closing, here is our story:

Things aren't going well for you...and that makes me feel better.

So messed up, right? But isn't there a piece in all of us that loves TV because it a) gives us an opportunity to ignore other responsibilities in our life, b) helps those of us who thrive on routine add to that compulsion, c) in a safe and not-real way support people we like and actively, vocally, enthusiastically watch the demise of those we can't stand? (Like Jamie Lauren. The day I eat at Absinthe is the day Eater or Tablehopper delivers the news that they have a new chef. Ouch.)

No? Ok, I guess it's just me. And now my true colors are painted all over this very public (but never read) blog.

My Better Half covered the highlights of this week's Bachelor reject and Top Chef's bottom chef so I'll leave that content to him. I'll limit myself to an ebmarrasing, self-indulgent, psychoanalytical post. And as always I'll wonder, "what would Dr. Drew say to me?"

Top Chef: Down Goes San Francisco

Jamie from Absinthe's exit in Top Chef this week was a total 180 from Patrick Swayze's exit in the Bachelor. Showing her true colors to be as colorful as her tattoos, Jamie was a true poor sport. I highly doubt that Eric Ripert's food is boring. Even though Jamie was a poor sport, she did not deserve to be kicked off.

Leah should have been kicked off because she's a quitter, she cheated on her boyfriend on national tv, and I can't stand her voice.

Also, Toby the Judge is a moron. Could he have been kissing Chef Ripert's butt more?

Now that I've got that off my chest, I think they picked the wrong winner. Karla should have won that challenge. She masterfully figured out that the Bernaise sauce was not a Bernaise, and then she was able to recreate it properly.

Guest Judge Ripert obviously picked Stefan because the prize for the winner was to go on vacation with Ripert. Ripert basically wanted to kiss Stefan the whole show so it makes perfect sense that Ripert would want to go on a romantic chef's getaway with Stefan.

The Bachelor Final 5: "French-Canadian Kiss"

To my left is a picture of everyone doing their best kissing impression of Jillian from Canada and Jason the Bachelor: French-Canadian kissing. Way too much tongue on TV.

Last night showed me all I needed to see to know who is going to win the most most romantic season of the Bachelor ever ever.

Molly. Simply because she is the ONLY one he even wants to kiss.

Jason has never been interested in kissing the one who looks like Patrick Swayze. That's why she's obviously gone now. Flight Attendant Underbite Naomi and Reduction Melissa are just flings and he's not interested. We'll have to wait eagerly until Deanna comes back.

On a semi-related side note, is it cool to live on a houseboat with a 3 year-old? It seems like a major hazard.

Also, is it cool to live on a houseboat, period? Do you have "land" rights underneath your boat? Do you have to pay dock fees? Are you surrounded by sex offenders? I feel like there must be a lot of sex offenders on house boats. Thus, is Jason a sex offender?

Liz quickly predicted that Patrick Swayze Deceased Husband Woman will be the next Bachelorette. Just as quickly as the thought came up, we decided that she will not be featured because not enough guys would be into her even though she seems really nice. And I like the way she says the word, "Man." She was always looking for a "kind man" or "caring man" or "loving man." Jason obviously wasn't man enough to pick a woman he wasn't attracted to.

We say goodbye to Patrick Swayze this week: