Breaking News: Jason and Molly Sell Out

We've all been so wrapped up in the current season of the Bachelor with riveting drama, recycled plots and refreshed love of Chris Harrison. How great was the part of The Ladies Tell All when we got a glimpse of Chris seranading Jake with "On the Wings of Love"? It's endearing that Chris, the host of the show, might mock it more than any of us.

So, while we have been absorbed by Jake's season the past seasons have faded into the background. Until this morning when I learned of Jason and Molly's big news. Those in the know (and who follow the E! News ticker more closely than the NYT) will not be surprised. Molly and Jason wed on Saturday, February 27 with ABC as the maid-of-honor and best-man. This event is to be aired on March 8. Set your DVRs and consider this a small token from ABC to help with the post-Bachelor depression that will inevitably set in after tomorrow night's episode.

Roz goes Kim K.

No word on who is playing the part of Ray J but I can only hope that Roz and her man both end up on more reality TV shows.  How about Roz for Bachelorette?  She's got her audition tape ready.

Thank you to Milly Philly who always comes up with some good Bachelor gossip to pass on to her friends at WWT. 

The Bachelor: Women Tell All (about Rozlyn)

The night began as it normally does in the Dugan Household, with the DVR diligently recording the Bachelor as I watch some other shows to satisfy man code (foreshadowing a Juan appearance later in blog).  And wow, was that pairs ice dancing something to watch.  The Russians received a medal, as they have every year  ice dancing has been a recognized Olympic sport, edging the Americans for Bronze as the Canadians were triumphant on home ice.  Thrilling!

Ali's Time to Explain

Then the power surged in the Dugan household.  Uh oh. DirecTV takes a while to cycle through and I ran to the supplemental tv to turn on Comcast in order to not miss a thing on the Bachelor: Women Tell All.  So, we began our viewing roughly an hour into the program with Ali's heartfelt interview with Chris Harrison. Ali blames her fears for leaving the show, explaining that she was scared of being heartbroken, mounting bills, etc.  Ali even took the high road when discussing rival Vienna with a shout-out to her rough tabloid coverage.  Ali let out a bombshell that I think was glossed over:

"If I know what I know now...I would have stayed."

What the hell happens on the finale?  Or after the Final Rose? As Jake told Kevin Fraser, we are about to get some more drama in the next couple weeks.

Elizabeth, this season's "Tori Spelling" candidate


Chris Harrison calls Elizabeth the ultimate game player and wants to find out why she played the no kissie-face game.  Who cares, after Jake drops the second bombshell of the show (perhaps not linearly due to FPL issues). Jake says he respected Tori because he had friends whose first kiss was at their wedding.  First kiss? Wedding? Is this really done? Does Jake live in Kabul, Texas? Dugan is flabbergasted.  As Jake explains that games have ruined more relationships than he would like to remember, Mrs. Dugan and I tried to think of the games Jake was alluding to...I voted Tiddly Winks, Mrs. D went with hide and seek, any thoughts from the WWT fans?

And yes, that is a link to the North American Tiddly Winks Association.  If the 15 followers of this blog click on that link, we could shut their massive server down.

Bachelor goes Real World/Road Rules on us


As has been discussed numerous times, we believe people go on the show as contestants (1 of the 25) to eventually become the one choosing.  But it turns out, people go on the show just to get into the Bachelor Reunion parties.  We got to see the old gang of favorites including No Job Rob still mixing up drinks, Erica still judging, Blond Natalie from Mesnick's season still thinking highly of herself, Kiptyn who thinks he could have kept Rozlyn's interest and a great quote from Wes: "I've kind of had my fair share of hot chicks..."

Bachelor goes United Way on us


Next, the women tell all shows how much the Bachelor cares by having former contestants chip in time and effort with local charities.  The kids from Vine Street Elementary (which this review from Yelp says is "OK" and is hampered by having to translate everything into that damn Spanish) helped paint lifeguard stands.  Mrs. Dugan and I thought that the kids were having fun but confused by who the hell they were painting with. Where are people we know like Kobe or Shaq?

Wags was not feeling sorry for the kids. These were the luckiest kids in the United States.  They might as well all be cancer kids on a "Make a Wish Foundation" outing.  They got to hang out with Breakdancing Michael. I also think DeAnna is questionably racist.  She called every little boy in there Carlos.  That's pretty dick, DeAnna.

And Juan proved his man-card by handing out food with only female bachelorettes.  And now comes the real question, who has fewer male friends, Juan or Jake?

Gia/Michelle


Gia regrets not telling Jake her true feelings.  You don't say?

I missed Crazy Eyes' segment due to FPL so please feel free to help out in the comments section.

Rozlyn's a Bad Liar


How much money do we think Rozlyn received to be part of the Women Tell All episode?  After being called out by Gia, Ashleigh, Jessie and fellow Moms Ella and Valishia, Rozlyn denies all and says they didn't see what they saw. Chris Harrison compares Roz' lies to his son's fairytales about unicorns - a classic - and recommends "the simplest story is the truth."

Gia makes an obvious point by telling Rozlyn that she could have just admitted she had feelings for producer X, aka Ryan Callahan pictured below in traditional New Zealand garb, and everyone would have understood.  Instead, Rozlyn stood her ground and called all the women liars...

and then goes after our fearless leader, Chris Harrison.  Roz alludes to Chris making passes at Ryan's wife while in New Zealand and Chris wisely does not dignify her with a response.  What could have been a beautiful love story has turned caddy and tragic.  Much like in pairs ice dancing when a fall is blamed on one partner and ruins the rest of the routine...

Next week is the finale...and you'll be back in the safe hands of Wags.

For those that miss Crazy Eyes.

The Bachelor Episode 7: It's Still Hard to Believe Jake is the Bachelor

Welcome to the Jake fantasy date show (yuck). This week's show started with a look back at how love blossomed with the three finalists. A recap, if you will. Liz and I were graciously hosted by our friends in Sausalito, Erin and Eric. Erin astutely noticed that Vienna was wearing a locket on the first episode. The locket was open. It obviously had a picture of...wait for it...JAKE. Psycho much? If the rumors are true that Vienna wins this whole thing, this could be one of the largest lapses in judgment since Brad the Twin chose no one. On to the summary (and direct plagiarism of Dugan's format from last week's summary):

Date #1 - Gia and the Whitest Dude in America

Jake and Gia ventured to a slightly more "urban" part of St. Lucia. After Jake bought a really cool choker pukka shell necklace (and by cool, I mean cool for a sophomore at an all-guys high school...I didn't have one of those...yes I did). Then Jake started dancing with Gia next to a street musician. This was alarming. Jake is not going to be on Dancing with the Stars anytime soon. His performance makes me really happy that I named all of my fantasy baseball teams the Dancing Pavelkas (yeah, you read that right..."all of my fantasy baseball teams"...I only have three). Gia suffered from the Bachelor/ette curse of not "letting him know" how much she cares until it was too late. Gia also suffered in the media this week. Her romances with professional baseball players and hockey players along with her Heidi Montag-esque love of plastic surgery did her no favors in the court of public opinion.


Date #2 - Tenley and the Black Sand Beach


Tenley, the crowd-favorite at this point, had her date start out with another helicopter ride up on the helicopter blades of love. Tenley once again worries about being cheated on. Let me be the first to assure you Tenley, Jake is not going to cheat on you. He's perfect...remember? Jake and Tenley proceeded to a black sand beach (Tenley's first time!). They sat on the beach and had the most meaningless conversation about love. I had to ask multiple times, "What the hell are they talking about?" This platitude-filled conversation only confirmed that Tenley and Jake are perfect for each other. Tenley danced with Jake again with some flamenco music in the background. Flamenco music and the Bachelor go together like Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire. Tenley then nervously accepts the fantasy suite invite because she's a born-again virgin or something like that. She delivered my favorite line of the night when she said, "I absolutely (pause) cannot wait (pause) to (pause) watch our first sunrise together." I wasn't sure where she was headed with that one, but in hindsight, I wouldn't have expected anything else from the Little Mermaid.


Date #3 - Vienna and the Pirate Patch


In an effort at cross-promotion, Vienna and Jake went on the Pirates of the Caribbean ship. Proving that he had a dysfunctional childhood, Jake put on a pirate eye patch and then closed the uncovered eye. Vienna told him that he had to open the other eye, silly! Jake is so strange. I can't wait for my prediction that Jake has no guy friends to come true. On this date, Jake wanted to make sure "it's not just sexual" with Vienna. Do you think they've even had sex? I highly doubt it. Jake should really want to make sure that Vienna isn't going to divorce him and take half his money. At the end of their date, Jake informs Vienna that she should be aware that he has "fallen for two other women." I appreciate Jake's honesty throughout this process, but sometimes you should just shut the hell up. I can't believe that Vienna is going to win the whole thing.


Wrap Up - This is Getting to Be Too Easy


Before the rose ceremony, Ali called to see if Jake would let her come back. This is getting to be very embarrassing for Ali. One of her equally fake blond Marina-girlfriends needs to remind her that it's freaking JAKE that she's broken up about. Jake rejects her in scripted fashion by saying "you drove away with a piece of my heart." What a goober this guy is.


I once again predicted the exact order of the rose distribution. Gia got the boot and had to go out to the reject-bench (it looks like the same bench every season - Eric figured that it must get passed around like the Stanley Cup). Jake gives Gia one last neck/shoulder kiss and it was back to the group hugs inside. Until next week, when Dugan takes over the summary.

Hurricane Jersey Shore coming to the land of Dugan

Hit MTV show Jersey Shore is looking at Miami Beach locations to film the second season.  I'll be reaching out to locals and bringing our fans the inside information they have grown to expect.

NewTimes magazine has come up with ten story lines for the show to explore this spring.  The best include Snickers as Tony Montana in Snookface or getting arrested with locals.

We Watch TV Celebrity Sighting

Tonight was a blog-relevant celebrity sighting!

As we were leaving the gym, we looked to our right and saw this week's Bachelor dropout and San Francisco resident, Ali!

It's always interesting when you see celebrities in person and you realize how normal they are. Liz pointed out that she looks like every other girl in our neighborhood. Liz also said she wasn't even the prettiest girl in the gym. In the spirit of Valentine's Day and true love, I told Liz that she was the prettiest girl in the gym.

For those of you who are curious, Liz and I thought she seemed a little taller than expected. She was probably about 5'8". She also wasn't ano-thin, which was nice to see. I guess in HD, the TV neither adds nor subtracts 10 pounds.

What an exciting past couple nights! Ali from the Bachelor and Evil Clare on Lost.