The Bachelor: Likable Sean Episode 4

A Hike, Skate and Pretty Woman Date

Sean enters the episode with only 13 women left. Chris tells the woman that Sean is confident that his wife is in the room. You know what else? This is the first season where Chris is single and hosting the show. Are there as many contestants hoping for a relationship with Chris as with Sean? 

Hayak's Hike

Selma gets a one-on-one and Sean wants to test her ability to put up with a physically demanding date at Joshua Tree National Park. Side note. Selma is a real estate developer? Due to my actual job, I know a lot of real estate developers. NONE look like Selma. Let's google image search for "real estate developer."

These guys are real estate developers.

Same here.

And then we have Selma the Real Estate Developer?

In the Limo, Selma throws out that she weighs 110 pounds. I haven’t known most girls to just give up that kind of info. In the private jet, Selma asks, “Is every date going to be like this from now on?” Ummm, unless you stay on a reality dating show for the rest of your life or manage to marry Tim or I, NO!!!

Other date details bullet point style.

• She’s Iraqi and does not do well in the heat. Good thing she left. 
• Sean picked her up and put her in the jeep. Seemed like a Pavelka move...foreshadowing
• Another cliffhanger inspired date allows me to post my favorite photoshop in WWT history

Pavelka!

Jake & Selma continue their date in an Airstream graveyard where Selma drops some big info:

• Born in Baghdad. 
• Muslim. 
• Despite playing the non-kissing game, Selma gets the rose. If this continues much longer, Selma might become Burka in the blog.

Roller Derby Group Date

The General’s Daughter (Lindsey), Robyn, Jackie, Lennay, Fit Model Amanda, AshLee, Righty, and Tierrable (Thank you for the nickname, Abramoff!) begin prepping for a Roller Derby. This date quickly devolves.

• AshLee is scared.
• Tierrable is excited to take her aggression out on the other girls
• Amanda lied about her roller derby skills to intimidate the other girls. Is that a believable lie?
• All the girls are falling. Robyn looks like she’s on ice skates which probably wouldn't be much better.
• Righty's in tears. Sean is explaining to Righty that she will have a "huge sense of accomplishment" if she competes. WHAT? Why?
• Amanda goes down. And everyone's initial reaction is to call 911!?! I want to do a new blog about how reality television shows are contributing to skyrocketing healthcare costs in this country. I have a 34 and 16 month old. If I called 911 every time they fell, they would be my most frequent called number. I would put 911 in my Fav 5.
• Sean shuts down the disaster group date and allows a Free Skate
• Right calls it "one of the most difficult days of my life” WHAT WHAT WHAT? 

After Party

• Tierrable wants a rose and is willing to throw a temper tantrum to get it. I have experience (see above).
• Amanda rises from the dead.
• Tierrable/Robyn are ready to go at it.
• General's Daughter gets her hot tub time cut off by Tierrable who gets the tantrum rose

Pretty? Woman 

Mrs. Dugan is not a big fan of Leslie H. who gets diamond earrings before the date. I kind of want to keep Leslie H. because I don't know when we'll get another poker dealer on the show. It's bullet point review time:

• Rodeo Drive shopping spree at Badgley Mischka. While this means nothing to me, a quick wiki search says that the Olsen twins were former spokespersons. I don't know why that humors me.
• She calls herself a "Tan Julia Roberts"
• Sean's in a tux? 
• One more thing…….. NEIL FUCKING LANE!!!
• 120 carat necklace? Cool ice. Not as cool as Neil Lane.
• No Spark = No Rose. Yes tears.
• Sean leans over the balcony and rose petals drop in slow motion. Most WWT readers can easily spot a "Mesnick," but the true loyalists know a "Flajnik" which is a Mesnick without tears.

Rose Ceremony

• AshLee and Tim's prediction are looking strong.
• Robyn really likes him and I foresee a crushing exit.
• Tierrable could be the most apropos nickname in blog history.
• This Lennay seems legit.
• 12 woman left.
• Tierrable and Burka have roses.
• 9 roses to go.
• One lady joining the other Leslie.
• Who else is safe?
• Lennay.
• Say Yes to the Des
• The Generals Daughter
• Leslie Abramoff

• Robyn
• AshLee
• Righty
• Jackie
• Daniella

Fit Model Amanda takes it on the chin and next week will bring back to back episodes...and blogs.

The Bachelor: Likable Sean Episode 3

Embarrassing confession: I have watched four hours of the Bachelor today (episodes 2 and 3).  It's probably the way that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. would have wanted it. Self-serving confession: I also watched the Presidential Inauguration earlier today.  I'll bet the POTUS and FLOTUS are watching the less-racist Bachelor tonight.

On to the show.  We are now three for three on Sean working out to start an episode.  It also marks three straight times that he's worked out without a shirt.

Date #1: Lesley Abramoff

Possibly one of the more intelligent contestants ever, Lesley Abramoff is off to visit the Guinness Book of World Records.  Maybe Sean will destroy an exhibit, blame it on Abramoff, and then see if she cries?  That seems to work as a dating device.

Apparently, Sean's dad set the world record for driving in all the contiguous 48 states in 97 hours, 7 minutes.  Hope the winner of the show likes road trips with Sean's family!

Sean, proving he has daddy issues, wants to set his own Guinness record.  Sean and Abramoff will kiss for the longest time on television.  I was thinking the next hour would be spent in a lip lock.  The record is only 3 minutes and 15 seconds.  What!?  Mrs. Wags now wants to set the record for the longest viewer kiss while watching ABC's hit romantic reality show, The Bachelor.  I'll be contacting Guinness to arrange an official judge to come out to San Francisco.  In the meantime, I'll just try to eat as much ice cream as possible during this episode.

During the record setting kiss, it became clear to us that Lesley Abramoff looks like a cross between Tara Reid and the weird German-Austrian female writer on 30 Rock.

The date continued onto a rooftop. You are not dating on the Bachelor unless you are dining on the top of a skyscraper. (Ombudsman Mrs. Wags made a great point that they don't have to compete with crowds on skyscraper rooftops).  The more I type the word skyscraper, the more I'm falling in love with the word.

Abramoff got a rose and then declared that she's falling in love.  Contestants are saying that they are falling in love earlier than ever.

Date #2: Kacie B, Robyn, Leslie H., Kristy, Lennay Kekua, Say Yes to the Des, Taryn, Amanda, Lindsay, Daniella, Jackie, and Tierra

This date has it all: nicknames, ambiguous ethnicities, and villains.

The date started out as a simple game of do-not-break-your-nose-football, but quickly turned into a game of volleyball to continue on the date.  Needless to say, there were a couple famous volleyball games that this brought to mind:



And...





The losing team included Kristy the Model.  As the other team (literally) popped champagne like they are the 2010 or 2012 San Francisco Giants, Kristy cried like the losing team in a Little League World Series game.  Lennay deserves most of the blame for the loss though.  She played like she wasn't even there.

On the dinner date, Say Yes to the Des  (poor man's Katie Holmes? next bachelorette?) got irked about Amanda acting differently around the women than around Sean.  Kacie B., feeling overconfident in her comfort level with Sean, decided to report that Say Yes to the Des and Amanda are having problems with one another. Sean appropriately questioned why Kacie B. involved herself.  Kacie B. recoiled as Sean told Kacie B. that she seemed like a "crazy person."

Lindsay got the date rose.  Kacie B. is now skating on thin ice.

Date #3: AshLee Top 3

Before the date could start, viewers could hear the sound of Tierra's head hitting every staircase in the Bachelor mansion.  Tierra's fall happened a few suspicious seconds before Sean arrived.  Sean understood the seriousness because he has also "had a few concussions."

AshLee finally got to go on her date.  Sean/ABC rented out Six Flags for just them.  Is it safe for a guy that's had a few concussions to go on roller coasters?

The next date surprise was to bring a couple seriously ill teens to go around the park with them.  Is it safe for chronically ill kids to go on roller coasters?

Turns out both of the teens have a disease that causes constant pain and fatigue.  I'm really thinking going to the movies might be a better idea than the roller coasters.

The date, while a nice concept, morphed into Sean and AshLee chaperoning two teenage girls all day.  Deep down, I'll bet she wished they could have gone somewhere in a helicopter.

The date continued with a private concert from Sean's "favorite band," the Eli Young Band.  The Eli Young Band?  Are these guys popular?  This is testing my country music knowledge, and I am failing miserably.

Ice cream eating record update: I might not set the record, but it's been worth it to try.  Next week: who can set the record for the most glasses of champagne during an episode of the Bachelor!?

Back on the show, AshLee told her story of meeting her Dad (she was adopted at age 6).  Sean cried.  AshLee got the rose.  I'm feeling pretty good about the Top 3 prediction.

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

Sean surprised Righty by bringing her french bulldog, Leo, to surprise her.  Mrs. Wags got envious of Leo, so she went to make out with our french bulldog.  I wish I was kidding:



Before giving out the first rose, Sean pulled Kacie B. aside.  It turned out that Sean "had too much respect for her" to ditch her in a rose ceremony.  I cannot wait to see which women he has less respect for.

Along with AshLee Top 3, Lindsay, and Abramoff, the following women will be competing for Sean's heart next week: Tierra, Leslie H., Lennay Kekua, Daniella, Robyn, Selma Heyek, Righty, Jackie, Amanda, and Say Yes to the Dressire (Mrs. Wags just pointed out that this makes more sense.  From now on, I will defer all Say Yes to the Dress jokes to her).

Goodbye Taryn.  Not sure who you were.  And goodbye Kristy the Model.  Now only one (fit) model remains.

Until next week, with fast cars, fast planes, and fast roller skates.

The Bachelor: Hey, this guy's likable. Episode II.

Helicopters, Heights and Harlequin novels…It’s the Bachelor Episode 2.

Sean begins the episode working out. His fitness is going to be a theme this season. Harrison drops an early bombshell, "Probably the most sincere Bachelor we’ve ever had in the show…” How sure are you, Harrison? Are you 80% sure? What the hell does that mean about the other Bachelor/ettes?

Righty’s Ready to “Fall” in love

• Who is more obsessed with the one arm? Richard Kimble or Righty?
• When a Helicopter picks Righty up, Kacie B is surprised. She’s done this before, right?
• Her lack of an arm doesn’t effect how she can “love” someone. I'm immature.

• They free fall 300 feet

Let's see how this episode goes every season. She freaks out. He supports her. These early episodes are beyond formulaic. They could just photoshop heads and save the money.

Storytime w/ Righty

• In Vegas with her dad, she was not allowed to get on the zip line due to Nevada laws.
• Most other states have laws that protect the rights of the disabled.
• Have you seen Nevada's state flag?

• Mrs. Dugan imagines Sean being really into zip lining and being disappointed.
• So Righty's into zip lining, free falling off the sides of buildings....what else?

• Boom. Rose.

Group Date w/ lucky 13

Christy, Amanda, Brook, Leslie M., Daniella, Catherina, Robin, Katie, Selma, Diana, Taeryn, Kasey, Tierra head to a model shoot. These group dates are difficult to blog so I'll just hit the highlights.

• The women (sans Model Christy) are not excited.
• Tierra driving people nuts. And a hairdresser dropped the line of the night: “tacky hoes are a dime a dozen”        
• Lesley M brings the heat with a cowboy outfit and a kiss. I really want to figure out a way to call her Abramoff because that Fedora picture is priceless.
• The after party is called a "Pool Party"
• Is a party near a pool technically a “Pool Party?”
• Does there have to be swimming?
• Leslie Abramoff is a good, southern girl, not used to making first move...until now.
• Multiple women expecting the rose tonight (Leslie, Daniella (who?), Kacie B., Tierra)
• Kacie B wants out of the friend zone
• Lennay Kekua (formerly Catherine) competes for quote of the night, "I'm vegan but I love the beef”
• Mrs. Dugan thinks Selma is Selma Hayekesue

You be the judge?

• Big Hair Katie is not handling the show well
• If BHK stayed around one more week, I would have bothered to photoshop her onto Kelly LeBrock from Weird Science.
• BHK: “ I feel like I need to go  home.” Sean: “Let me walk you out then.” In other words...

• Rose to Kacie B.

Date #3 w/ Say Yes to the Des: Punk'd Edition

This version will not get renewed. Sean and Say Yes to the Des (Mrs. Dugan believes frontrunner for next Bachelorette) get past a slow start and show some good chemistry back at his place. They talked about their families and wanting to be best friends. Ugh? Shoot me. Lame rose jokes. She gets one.

Rose Ceremony

Two woman are going home with BHK. Lindsey didn't get a date and wants to make up for wearing a wedding dress on opening night. Her dad's a general. He allowed this? She also wants to marry their best friend. Who uses "best friend" after 13 years of age?

Amanda is pissed. Thrown out there? "Possessed" "Pouting" "Tornado of Negativity"

Robyn doesnt know if Sean has jungle fever. He does.

Roses
Righty, Kacie B, Say Yes to the Des are safe.

• Ashley (spelled terribly) - organizer from Texas
• The General's Daughter - sub teacher who wears a dress
• Robyn - confirmed Sean can walk her way
• Jackie 
• Leslie M - I really want to call her Abramoff just so I can use the Fedora pick
• Selma
• Lennay Kekua (formerly Catherine)
• Christy
• Leslie H
• Tierra
• Taeryn
• Daniella
• Amanda. YES!

Brook was one of the most attractive of the season. Why cut her? Diana? See BHK's exit. Sean is the most likable Bachelor/ette since?

The Bachelor: Sean's Premiere

Dugan and I sincerely apologize for being a week late on our Bachelor update.  We were actually together on the night of the season premiere.  We decided to watch our beloved Fighting Irish get rolled by the Tide.  What a mistake.  We should have followed our coach in life and love, Chris B. Harrison, and watched the Bachelor.  Alas, the time has come.  Bring on the crazy.

According to the voiceover guy, "love is in the air."  Did I mention I love this show?

"This Season on the Bachelor" shows that the women appear to be a little more ethnic.  Mrs. Wags astutely comments that, "it almost seems like ABC is reeling from a lawsuit."

Sean's intro started off with him spending a record amount of time shirtless.  He said that the show is going to be physically tough.  Did someone forget to tell Sean that this is not the Real World/Road Rules challenge?  He obviously got his 'roids on in preparation for the show.  I heard Sean is going to go on Oprah to confess his PED sins.

Before meeting any of the ladies, Indy Arie, paid Sean a visit.  They remarked that they haven't seen each other since Curacao.  That's a statement I will never utter in my entire life.  Apparently, Indy came over for a Bachelor role playing session.  Indy asked Sean to pretend to give him a rose, pretend break up with him, and pretend kiss him.  These two guys were meant for each other.

We meet some of the girls first (i.e. the favorites)

1) Say Yes to the Des(iree) - bridal stylist, clumsy
2) Tierra - a leasing consultant, pumped up that Sean is the Bachelor, has a tattoo on her ring finger (red flag), named Tierra (red flag)
3) Robyn - quirky girl,
4) Diana - 30, two kids, owns a hair salon which is "pretty cool"



5) Sarah - just an average girl with one arm, has a French Bulldog so she's my favorite so far
6) Ashley S&M - obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey, wants Sean to spank her, Mrs. Wags thinks "her parents must be so proud."
7) Lesley S. - there's going to be two Lesleys?, works in DC, no way she gets along with Ashley Grey
8) Kristy - Ford model, she cares about her modeling agency but no one in the audience does
9) AshLee - "professional organizer," adopted by a pastor, (she's going to be in the Top 3)

Chris greets Sean.  I'm still sad that Harrison isn't the Bachelor.

On to the limos:

Wave 1:
AshLee is the first one out.  Even the producers think she is the favorite.  Jackie came out, put on extra lipstick, and proceeded to lipstick graffiti Sean's face.  Selma then proceeded to wipe of Sean's face with a hanky.  This seemed staged.  Nothing is fake about this show, right?  Leslie H. said Sean's a hunk.  She must have seen the intro video.  Daniella from San Francisco created a handshake, embarrassing all Bay Area residents.

Wave 2:
Kelly from Nashville sticks with the stereotype sings a country song about swee' tea'.  Mrs. Wags thinks it's shocking that she's a cruise ship entertainer.  Katie did some yoga with Sean.  Sweet savashana.  Ashley S&M offered up some S&M right off the bat, surprising no one.  Taryn.  That's it.  I have nothing to say.  Catherine comes out and Sean tells her she's beautiful.  Once again, nothing interesting here.

Wave 3:
Robyn tried to do a backflip roundhouse something and appeared to dislocate her elbow.  It made me feel queasy.  Lacey is a graduate student.  I can't believe her cosmetology program gave her time off to be on the show.  Paige OPERATES A JUMBOTRON.  I have so many questions.  Tierra comes out and explains that finger tattoo.  It is an open heart, ready to be completed.  My reaction: yuck.  Sean's reaction: first impression rose.  I'm starting to think we might not get along.  Amanda is a "fit model."  Is there really any other kind?  Keriann drove almost 3000 miles to get to Sean.  Someone explain to her how to use priceline.com.  Say Yes to the Des(iree) made wishes with pennies in the fountain.

Wave 4:
Righty Sarah came out rocking the one arm.  Brooke, the third African-American woman of the night, came next.  ABC has now doubled the amount of minority contestants they've had in the past 27 seasons.  Diana thinks that Sean looks like Ken.  Lesley M. proves that there are, in fact, two Lesleys.  She had Sean bend over to hike a football so she could stare at his butt. Well played.

Wave 5:
Kristy the model says she thought the night was about "you and I."  She may be a model, but she stinks at grammar.  Ashley H., the fourth African-American gal.  This is amazing.  Lauren's family owns an Italian restaurant and her father will break Sean's legs.  Italians everywhere cringe.  Lindsay came out in a wedding dress.  Humans everywhere cringe.

Harrison broke in for a breather.  Thanks Harrison.  I needed the break.

But wait!  There's one more person.

Surprise Limo:
It's Kacie B. from Sonoma Ben's season.  She wants a second chance.  The girls think it's unfair.  I checked the Bachelor Penal Code, and there's nothing against Bachelor Law in coming back for a second chance at love.

Inside the house, Sean got to know the ladies a little better.  He gave the first ever second impression rose to Say Yes to the Des.  AshLee Top 3 then got a third pre-rose ceremony rose.  The girls expressed concern that there were no rules.  How can they be expected to live in a world of reality television without rules?

Selma, Jackie, and Robyn then got a few quick roses.  Sean continues breaking all the rules!

Ashley S&M got drunk and busted out the tie again.  Sean then busted out a "rape whistle" joke.  Did I mention that I don't think I'd get along with this guy?

Leslie H. got a rose.  Who needs rules!?  Rules are for squares.

Righty Sarah felt really bad about intimidating people with her one arm and told stories about how hard it is to meet guys.  It's making me feel worse about calling her Righty.  But not really.  I am also willing to break all the rules (of decency and kindness).  Don't feel bad for Righty; she got a rose. Sean obviously can't wait to meet Righty's family.

Abbreviated Rose Ceremony

With seven roses remaining, Amanda, Lesley M., Kacie B., Kristy, Daniella, Taryn, and finally Lindsay take the final seven.

Goodbyes to the woman that sang country music, the jumbotron operator (so many questions unanswered), Ashley S&M, and some others that didn't make much of an impression.

Until next week, with helicopters (guaranteed).

The Bachelorette Finale: From the Perspective of Arie

Ok, a day late and a rose short, but here we go with the finale recap from Arie. First, I was concerned that SLC Jef met with Emily's family before me. But then I saw he decided on a white tee to impress the in-laws. I like my chances.

As for the family, I am pretty sure Suzy smokes a carton a day, used to date the Marlboro man and is not going to stand in anyone's way. Dad's gonna be tough nut to crack. And playing the role of Emily's brother is Corporate Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. 

There is a little too much dead fiance and Brad talk here. Jef is screwed.

My chance to meet my future in-laws

I decided to match Jef's casual look and wore pajamas. Dad doesn’t want to waste my time. But I get a little nervous and waste everyone's time talking nonsense. I decide to break the ice talking to Dad and Corporate Buffalo Bill Ernie about fishing…

I continue...

I am a little behind the 8 ball and need to bring the heat. I drop my single mother bomb to show how serious I am. I pass the Dad and Suzy test and only have Corporate Buffalo Bill Ernie left to talk with.

Ok, I'll settle with you. Ernie freaked me out. There is a reason I race in Indy and not Nascar. Ernie told me I have a pirty mouth.

Jef's Date

Emily and Jef get a beach date – boring. Jef weasels his way into seeing Ricki and does a pretty good job breaking the ice. I could be in trouble. I wonder what scrapbook type gift Jef has planned. A book about curacao? Really? Emily, I'll get you the Indy 500 trophy.

Then Emily says she'll keep the coffee book "forever.” That is going to look so awkward on our coffee table in Scottsdale. 

(SIDEBAR - Where do these great gifts from bachelor/ette losers go? I want Blakeley’s scrap book!!! Please tell me there is a market for this paraphernalia.)

Uh oh. Did she just drop a “honey” when saying goodbye to Jef???

Honda commercial

Emily, did you notice the Honda commercial playing during the finale? It offered a ride with Mario Andretti or Arie Luyendyk. During the finale, were there commercials about Jef's father? I doubt it.

My Date with a Witch Doctor

Ok, I am beginning this date with an old witch doctor. Just your normal date. I am making a love potion. God, I hope this works. Emily always thought it would be me. Thought? Past tense? WTF?!?

This is pretty embarrassing. I just made a love potion for no reason. At least I didn't have to buy a ring from Neil Lane. But I also didn't get to meet Neil Lane. Is meeting Neil Lane worth proposing and being rejected? I think so. Now I am really upset. I didn't even get to meet Neil Lane.

My thoughts on the final rose ceremony 

I don't really know because I wasn't there.

See everyone next season on the Bachelor.

The Bachelorette Finale: From the Perspective of SLC Jef

This week, affectionately dubbed by my cousin Michael as the WWTB "super bowl, will be written from the perspective of both SLC Jef and Indy Arie.  Dugan had first pick on which perspective to write, and he chose Indy Arie (likely Emily's choice as well).

So let's begin SLC Jef's imagined perspective:

So I get to meet Emily's parents.  I brought them flowers and hair mousse.  I spent so much time on my hair that I did not have any time left to choose a shirt.  In the end, I just wore my white undershirt.

I had a chance to sit down with Emily's mom.  She seemed a little skeptical of my ability to be a stepdad (is it the hair?).  I borrowed a movie line and told her that Emily's completes me.  Works EVERY time!

I got a chance to speak to Meat Head, Emily's brother.  I asked him if Emily is "ready to settle down?"  He said, "Oh no, she won't settle."  We might be having a Mormon-Christian disconnect.

Finally, I wanted to get Emily's dad's approval to ask Emily to marry me.  He quickly gave me approval as long as I am sincere.  I sure hope Arie doesn't seem sincere.  He probably won't, right?  Right?

My Opponent Shows Up


I really need Arie to blow it with Emily's family since Emily is still probably regretting not taking him into the fantasy suite.  An uphill battle, I know.  Arie kept talking about how he dated a single mother.  WHAT!?  Did he mention this before?  That rat bastard must have strategically saved this information until the end.

After getting her Dad's approval (too easily), Arie left after some making out.  Even I might have to admit that she has a better connection with Arie.

My Last Date 


I got to have one last date with Emily at the beach.  I thought I would make a different impression this time and wear a gray shirt.  Maybe my wardrobe change will do the trick.

Since I am basically a big kid (remember my skateboard?), I really need to meet Ricki in order to win this thing.  After five boring minutes of my begging, it worked!  I'll bet Arie won't get to meet her.  Just me, right?  Right?

I got to meet Ricki!  Emily said that it really great to watch me play with Ricki because it "shows where my head it at."  She gets me.  Especially my six-year-old mentality.

Emily then said she feels "differently" about me than anyone she's met in a long time.  Since she wanted to get it on with Arie, what does "differently" mean?  I sure hope it's not a little brother thing.

I'd like to take a moment to thank Fleiss and Co. for making it look like I have a chance.

Interview with Harrison


Emily had a counseling session with Harrison before her date with Arie.

Did I just hear her say that she doesn't even want to have the date with Arie because she's on a different level with me!?  MY SKATEBOARD SCHTICK WORKED.  The underdog will prevail.

Now I really get to enjoy this episode of Arie looking like a fool.  Have fun with that "love potion" buddy.  Prediction: it's not going to work.  Is it going to be "amazing to hear the words" that she loves you?  Nope.  It's going to feel good to hear that you're getting dumped!

Breakup


Arie handled it like a champ.  I have to give him credit.  On the other hand, if Emily is choosing me and is so confident about it, why is she sobbing and blathering on about how great Arie was?  She kicked everyone else to the curb with ease, but not Arie.

Neil Lane


Now that Arie is officially a loser...bring on Neil Lane!  I'm ready for some wisdom:
1) "A ring brings joy."
2) "Round diamond set in pink gold...very symbolic."
3) "That's a great ring.  I think she'll love it." (at 8 carats, that's a reasonable prediction)

Proposal


Was it fair that I was nervous to propose?  Yes.  Everyone thought Arie was the one.  Should I have been nervous in hindsight?  Obviously, no.

Emily told me that I was the only one that got to meet Ricki, and I'm the only one standing.  Didn't really see that coming.  Now how am I going to introduce my Southern Christian fiancé to my Mormon parents?  I guess you can't fit every important life conversation in a six week courtship.

I proposed.  She said yes.

Best part: the final song.  Add this to the soundtrack.



Do I have a lot in common with Daniel-san?  The answer is yes.  I'm a champion.

The Bachelorette: Castoffs Race to Get Airtime

On Sunday, Mrs. Wags said to me, what are we doing this week?  I replied, "I'm not sure, but I definitely will be watching the Bachelorette MTA (men tell all) tomorrow."  She quickly said, "I'm not watching that sh*t."  Whoa whoa whoa.  We're one step closer to duganandwagstv.blogspot.com

Don't worry fans.  We only have one TV.  Thus, let the show begin.  

Though this is the Bachelorette MTA, it's really just the last chance for the guys to audition to be on the Bachelor Pad.  Better make a good (i.e. crazy) impression for Fleiss and Co.

The show started with a three minute teaser showing the men telling all.  After seeing it, I feel that I don't really need to watch the rest of the episode.  But I will.  If not for me; for Ricki.

According to Emily, Ricki has not been effected by the show at all.  I checked the New England Journal of Medicine: studies show that reality show children don't start showing negative signs until they get to college.  Watch out sophomore year:

Chris B. Harrison interviewed Emily and showed the blooper reel.  Emily spilled wine on her dress and swore during her date with Joe.  Egg Man made Emily sing Twinkle Twinkle to his egg.  Indy Arie's brothers spied on them as they made out (as awkward as it sounds).  Bobblehead Chris danced like I do (tall and poorly).

Bachelor Pad Preview


Tempers will flare this season on the Bachelor Pad.  They previewed someone wielding a knife.  There are strangers/super fans joining the season.  Kalon, Plywood Tony, and Bobblehead made it from this season.  Good choices?  I'm not sure.  I would have preferred Uncle Rico Ryan, Fr. Doug, or Trauma Charlie to go along with Bobblehead Chris.

MTA


There are some total losers on this stage.  This sums up my expression as I watch this:

Just kidding.  I look more like this:

Bobblehead Chris picked the first fight of the night. He is still hung up on the "maturity" issue.  He boasted to the other guys on the dais that he made it further than anyone else.

The fight turned to Kalon and his bad attitude.  Trauma Charlie said "Dude, I wanted to (bleeping') knock you out, dude."  What an insensitive thing for a guy that recently suffered a massive head injury to say.

I was always surprised that Kourtney let Kalon go on the Bachelorette.

The focus turned to Uncle Rico, hated for his confident attitude and strangely coiffed beard.  Uncle Rico kept talking about how great he is and how he is a football player.  ABC was more interested in Uncle Rico than the NFL:

Ryan Bowers  

Height: 6-2   Weight: 210   Age: 31

Born: 8/6/1980

College: Presbyterian

Experience: 0 Season

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0

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0

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0.0

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0

• Profile
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Non-sequitur: how do we get tickets to be in the studio audience?  How great would it be if Dugan and I could be in the audience amongst all the ladies hoping to score a date with lovable loser Sean?

Bobblehead Chris (4th place Chris, Anger Management Chris) was up next on the hot seat.  Chris once again proved that he does not seem like the kind of guy that handles the "ex" role very well.  Seems like he might show up at your doorstep in the rain...with a bat.

Chris said he might seem angry because everything he does is for love, and that he's "lost a couple friends."  This guy is not stable.

Sean, every lady's favorite, joined Harrison on the main stage.  He believes in true love after heart break.  Snooze.

Finally, Emily joined Harrison on stage.  Mrs. Wags thinks Emily is possibly the most relaxed, self-assured Bachelorette or Bachelor of all time.  I think I agree.

There were lots of apologies back and forth between Emily and the guys.  BUT, when Kalon attempted to apologize, Emily called him on being full of crap because she saw on twitter that Kalon had recently called Ricki "baggage" (again).  Lesson: don't insult Ricki.  Emily will take you down.

MTA ended with more bloopers.

Until next week with Neil Lane.